[nah]

The pics need to be real and they need to be you.

I like activity ones, shows the guy is fun.

A beefcake posing in the mirror holding his phone gets an immediate "no".

I'd prefer a guy that doesn't have a perfect body who is smiling and looks like he is fun to be around.  Guys with dogs or any kind of pet gets a leg up too.

Btw... I never did dating sites for myself but often looked with a friend. I have several friends that used dating sites and met the person they married from them.  Looks like fun, I just never did it.

[Airmid]

Ok - I have had some "reactions" to looking at online dating pictures etc.
These are only my impressions about dating apps I have seen with friends who use them.
I have no personal experience using them - so you may want to disregard my comments considering that thought.

The pictures.

Here are some of the mistakes I have seen that simple were turn offs.

- Pictures with another woman that is obviously a date. 
If you have another woman in there - it better be your MOM. 

- Pictures you take in a public men's room in the mirror.
I kid you not - I have seen pictures where you see bathroom stalls or urinals in the background - gross.

- Pictures that are not of you - or are not current.
No picture should be more than a year old and most pictures should be even more current.
(The exception is if you have a picture accepting a nobel prize from years ago - then simply make sure you explain when the picture was taken.)

- If you don't like the way you look physically - work on it before you post pictures.
But truth in advertising absolutely counts here.
I have seen people I know posting pictures from 10 years ago.
Please - if that is the last time you looked good - give it up.
While we are at it - you need full length pictures.
What do you look like standing up?

- Pictures that have you posing next to a red convertable or othe some such sports car.
Even if you have one - it screams MLC.

- Pictures that only show you in a hat.
If you have no hair - you are better off with the truth in advertising.

- Stating what your current interets are.
What do you do now - not 10 years ago.
Thundarr - are you rock climbing now?
If you are - then you need a picture of yourself climbing - if not - then skip this.

Being vague - making statements like - I am a great guy -  says nothing.
You want to show what is unique about you.
If you really like sports - then post that.
Personally I am not interested in sports at all -
so a football fanatic will not catch my interest - but might be of great interest to others.

- Include references to any clubs or organizations you belong to.
The Kayaking club, the wine tasters club etc.  Show your interests and your expertice.

You can sometimes include what books and movies you liked.
I find this especially interesting as I like rather eclectic stuff - so my interest is peaked if someone shares my tastes in movies - literature.

[Searching4Answers]

So, a question for the ladies here.  What kind of opening message is preferable?  I know you shouldn't just say, "Hi" or "Hello there" but how much is the right amount and how much is too much?  Can you give examples of messages that have caught your eye?  And what about profile pics?  Thoughts?

Personally, the guys that say "Hi" or "Hello there" don't usually get very far. If I am interested, I will respond and see if they actually engage in a conversation.

I have noticed that the guys that I hit it off with are the ones that say more than "Hi" in their message and are genuine. So many start with these cheesy pick up lines - maybe they work for some woman but they make me run the other way.

A short message that shows me a little about who the guy is goes a long way. If the guy can't put a sentence together, I am going to be bored.

Here is the initial message I got from a guy that I have been talking to for a few weeks now:

"Hello my name is XXXX. I'm looking for a woman who is open to developing a real connection. Your profile caught my attention so I thought I would say hi. I'm a professional that works in healthcare and I would like to get to know more about you. Been in Cali for 9 yrs now. No children and never been married. Originally from Boston I'm fun spontaneous and intelligent. So don't be shy say hello and make a new friend and possibly more."

Hope that helps. I have more examples if you want to see them.

[Dji76]

File this under general advice as I dont do online dating... You will be happier stating what you want rather than what you think someone wants to hear. Be yourself and if you dont like what/who you are attracting, take a time out and work on yourself. Also, think about how someone will respond if you misrepresent yourself online then meet in person. Put your best foot forward, but it better be your foot (picture). Taking the time to meet someone in person only to find out they are nothing like their profile would be a complete waste of my time.
Some of the reasons I haven't used dating apps:
1. Ive seen pics of women I know on fb that look nothing like them. The right camera angle changes everything.
2. I have female friends that use the chats when they are "bored" with zero intention of ever meeting the guy.
3. I enjoy the spontaneity of meeting someone in person, feeling a connection and asking her out.
4. Ok, this is not about looks but the entire package... The highest quality women I know personally are not using dating apps. By "quality" i mean the combination of looks, personality, ambition etc. Qualities that I personally find attractive.

All of that said, i have 2 close friends who are in ltr with people they met on an app. It can work and I do see the benefits, its just not my style. My observation of both those couples is they were in "need" of finding a partner after unwanted break ups. My view on one is that she settled, the guy doesnt have a job and plays lots of video games. The other, they seem to be a good match and are getting married this month.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I'd prefer a guy that doesn't have a perfect body who is smiling and looks like he is fun to be around.  Guys with dogs or any kind of pet gets a leg up too.

Nah, does this mean you'd pass on the guy with the perfect body who is smiling and owns a dog? And I'm wondering if that comment about the dog and the leg up is an intentional pun?

I was happy to read what DJ posted. My opinion is that you would be better served to focus on what you think is important for them to know about you than to try to tell them what you think they want to hear. It might decrease your response rate but increase your success rate.

One of my best friends has been married for more than 10 years to a woman he met on a dating site. Ironically, when I told them what I was going through with my wife, my friend's wife said that's exactly what she went through with her first husband. It was like I'd solved a mystery for her. She knew nothing about MLC and didn't have a clue what had happened with her first husband but she's Catholic and didn't start dating until about 5 years after her BD. She met my friend online a few months after that. I have a lot of respect for her. She wouldn't let my friend meet her children until they had been dating for six months and had become seriously involved.

I'll stop polluting the dating thread now with talk about MLC. 

[nah]

I'd prefer a guy that doesn't have a perfect body who is smiling and looks like he is fun to be around.  Guys with dogs or any kind of pet gets a leg up too.

Nah, does this mean you'd pass on the guy with the perfect body who is smiling and owns a dog? And I'm wondering if that comment about the dog and the leg up is an intentional pun?

Lol.... not intentional.

...and I would take the smiling, perfect body dog guy. I just pass on the toolbags that focus ONLY on their body.

[Thundarr]

Searching, by all means please share more good intro messages!

[Thundarr]

I recently discovered a new site that should fit the bill perfectly for meeting new friends and dating partners who are actually mature.  It's called AdultFriendFinder.com and I'll be checking it out later.  No more adolescent BS.

[MsMedfly]

I tried online... All I got were dirty messages, totally inappropriate pics, and a whole lotta liars!!!! I went out with several people and none were worth my time. I didn't even know people really sent pics like that. Soooooo out of my league!!! Certain paid sites are a total waste of time and money. I tried an app, that was even worse than the paid site!!!

Had a friend that set me up, I call him mr Mexico. We had a lot of fun but he had a psycho ex wife and 3 small children. I'm an empty nester who loves other people's children for a living... They weren't the issue,the psycho ex pushed me too far. He totally understood...

Met my duke 5 years ago. We teach together. Just friends for years.. Then when he learned of the divorce, actively pursued and wooed me.. Old school, big time!!! No pick up lines, no bull to wade through, just prue open honesty.. He waited a long time for me. He told me that on my first day at our school, he told another teacher, that one will be my wife. Here we are 5 years later and yep, one day I will be. I've never been loved like this, I'm so very lucky and blessed!!!

My advice, be honest in any profile and pictures. It's amazing what happens when you stop looking. I most certainly wasn't and BAM, hit me out of nowhere!!!

[ember]

I tried a few online sites shortly after bomb drop and I found that the free sites were basically people looking for sex and not a real relationship. I did try a paid site and I did meet a few nice guys there that said they were looking for friendship and possibly something more long-term.
 I was attracted to the guys that looked happy and natural in their pictures, not the gym rats or guys that had only selfies for pics and no outside or pictures of them doing stuff. I like the guys that had animals too, that made me think they cared about things other than themselves. I definitely liked the guys that were honest, friendly and FUNNY(that was a big one for me). The funny profile comments are what made me leave them a message.