[bluerose]

She has an appointment with a counselor  on monday. After she told me it was like a weight had been lifted off of her. I caught this very early on ,thank god. Her cuts are pretty much healed over. When she called him to tell him, she confronted him about other things too. Lilke about having a gf when your married, not really being there when hse did spend time with her. She had him on speaker phone so i heard everything. It was like in his mind he believes that he and d12 have a great relationship. That he really is this great dad to her. She told him that when they were together he wasnt there, he barely talks to her. He responded by saying that she sounds like her mother and is making it out to sound like he cares more about his friends than his kids. I have never said this to him. Guilt? I believe so and lots of it. Shen she told him about the cutting she was crying. He responded by saying" babygirl, dont do that." There was no emotion in his voice. He then asked her if she wanted to spend time with him. She said no, i dont. He said call me later when i get home from work. It blew my mind. After d12 hung up, she said that she felt like he brushed her off and doesnt care. She has decided not to have a relationship with him anymore. This happened 2 weeks ago this Saturday.  He had not called to check on this little girl at all. This is not my husband. My boys, both over 18, want to physically  beat on him for his treatment of this situation. They have both felt this way for quite a while now. This just intensified their feelings. My h was never an uncaring and cold coward before. This is why i was wondering about the detachment on their part. I also wonder if the ow helps sway their thinking. Controlling the situation without them being aware that rhey are being controlled. Little by little you know.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I'm so sorry for your little girl. MLC brings more pain than any child should have to bear.

[No expectations]

Blue,

I'm so sorry, the pain caused by a MLC just resonates through everyone that cares about them.  And they don't have a clue, they are in so much internal pain they can't see past it.

[bluerose]

Its a shame that they dont have a clue. Once again its all about them and their pain. Not a second thought about the pain that they are causing the ones that love them


   Denjef31,
           
           I have a question for you. My h and i didnt see each other for almost 8 months. Only texted a couple of times in that period. He made contact with me. He wanted to come and talk to me on august 7. He insisted on a face to face. It was almost like he needed to see me. He told me that he was not happy, didnt desire the ow, didnt like her kid,had been wrestling with his feelings for me for months, thought about me, missed me, and wanted to work things out.  I asked him of he wold have problem with stopping all contact  with the ow. He said not at all. He fid not hesitate when he said this
 A few days later he was upset with me for calling the wjote ugly and he said that i jad not changed because i was still kudging people. He was also upset that i told the kids anouy working things out. A month later, which was the last time i seen or heard from him, he told that he had a friendship with her , takes her everywhere and they never run out of things to talk about. Btw, they live together. He told me i would have divorce papers in 2 weeks . When he left 2 hours later he said that he again doesmt know what hw wants. How much of this should i believe?

[UrsaMajor]

Bluerose (and I think Den will agree with me but if not, she'll say so)

Believe exactly NONE of what he says....  Because of the emotional tornado inside (or the void - and natures frenzied attempt to fill it) what he says at time <x> may and likely will be different than at time <x+1>

Believe NONE of what you hear and only about 50% of what you see...

There are SO many stories here of Mid-Lifers that have filed, only to do exactly NOTHING about pushing it through or getting it done. ...

[strength]

Bluerose, It all sounds exactly like what my H said to me.  "OW finishes my sentences.  We are so attached" I filed for D and H has dragged his feet for so long.  I am better off when I don't talk to H because he is always angry and miserable.  I agree with everyone.  Don't believe much of anything H says.  They are very twisted as my H calls it. 

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Bluerose, keep in mind that they love to get a reaction out of you. That's what the whole, "everything about her is so great" nonsense. Anything that makes you feel like the OP is better than you somehow. I agree with Ursa, take most of it with a grain of salt. My lawyer and I had to file, and push all the dates for the divorce.

He's now living with the AD, won't honor the divorce or custody agreements, is anchor checking and trying touch and goes. Trying to manipulate my kids by provoking them. Still expects me to take care of the things that he's supposed to, etc... We've been divorced for a year this month, and he's still playing games. Remember what RCR says, a divorce is just a piece of paper to many of these MLCers. It's true in my case, hence the boundaries.

Consider the source when he tells you things: he's not trustworthy, so don't trust him.

[handpuppets]

Another perspective is that he's coming out of Limerence is vacillating between you and her. During this time, it's important to be still, zip your lips, and watch what they do (action) and not what they say.

IMHO, disparaging her (or him) in front of him or the kids, no matter how tempting or deserved, won't help you in this battle.

[bluerose]

When he does bring up divorce i dont even acknowledge it. He has been saying divorce for nearly 2 years  now. On the tare occasion he does talk to me i dont usually say to much. I was mostly wondering about hid feelings that he expressed towards me. If he was possibly having a moment of clarity and was really feeling those things at that time.

[Watcher]

Bluerose,

My W has said the same to me. They complete each other's sentences. He gets her corny jokes. They never stop talking. Ugh, ugh, ugh. I have to agree with the others. The few times, maybe 3 in total, that I have taken a shot at OM, her face lights up. She feeds on it. It's not easy to take it, but it is a losing battle.