[strength]

Many thanks to all of you for the love and support.  It is so helpful to me in every way.  Denjef, I am also a RN with so much compassion for people.  I have always been a righteous and practical person.  I always cared for people and never wanted to hurt anyone.  I know I have to let my H go.  It is best for me and the children.  You have made so many of the MLC issues more clear to me.  I have read so much but sometimes we get lost and caught up on the facts.  I am so happy that you are piecing your life together.  I look forward to the day when I wake up and have a day with no thoughts of H.  I don't know what I would do without my family and children.  This site has given me a chance to vent so I don't keep putting the burden on them.  Am I right in believing that the longer the H stays away, the slimmer the chance of recovery of M?  I worry daily about H being sick because that is who I am.  It is heartbreaking that OW is taking care of H and H cares about no-one else being with him.  But, I pray to the Lord for guidance and direction.  I can no longer reach out when H does not want me.  When MLC'er wakes up do they have any remorse for what they have done?  Does it change the relationship of the OW?  I can't imagine a 40 year difference in age is going to work.  OW must have some issues of her own.  I am into this 2 1/2+years, maybe longer when I look back to some of his behavior changes.  I am so blessed to have all of you to talk too.  Again, my many thanks and love.

[Still Half full]

Denjef - I want to add my thanks too, you're really helping me to understand what is going on with my H, and that's helping me to be more empathic rather than angry

Thank you

[denjef31]

Wow!!!! Just wow Strength. I totally understand more than ever. Here is the thing, yes when we have an awakening the dynamics of how we see all this partying, cheating, abandoning, and running changes. We no longer want to run, party, and usually we do not want to cheat. If you read back I talked a little about once I had my awakening whatever feelings I had for OM evaporated into thin air. I begin to see him as an annoyance, some one who was a reminder of bad choices I had made. A reminder of how immature and silly I was. It pretty much goes just as the article RCR wrote. Once the awakening occurs the dynamics of the relationship changes the infatuation has worn off and reality sets in. I did this, and I noticed when my H had his awakening a few months ago things begin to change.

The remorse you are looking for is there, even when you are getting monster and withdrawal. It is always there but hidden. Some will share the remorse and guilt and ask for understanding and forgiveness like I did, while others will simply want to go back to the way things were or carry on without acknowledging their wrongdoing. No you would not be correct to say the longer he is away the chances of reconciliation are slim. People can be away from each other for years and find their way back to each other. If it's true love, it doesn't die. It can remain hidden and buried deep within but it never dies.

I do not know how you are able to function right now at work but I will say a special prayer for you sister nurse, to give you the strength, patience, courage, and understanding that is needed during your journey. You must find a way to rise above all of this. Do not let that dark place that your H resides in overtake you too. I know you will persevere!

Denjef31

[xyzcf]

Thank you denjef for sharing your story. I was very happy to read this:

No you would not be correct to say the longer he is away the chances of reconciliation are slim. People can be away from each other for years and find their way back to each other. If it's true love, it doesn't die. It can remain hidden and buried deep within but it never dies.

There has been lots of debate about this but there is really no data one way or the other that can support that the longer they are in crisis the less likely they are to return.

I believe that MLC can last for years and each individual and their situation is different.

So have patience and allow your spouse whatever time it will take for them to heal. There are no guarantees in life, I think we all learned that lesson very clearly with MLC.

I too am a nurse, have been for 41 years and even though I am retired, I still am a nurse.....I loved all the years of my career..it truly was a wonderful life!

[denjef31]

Wow I am loving all the nurses on this board!!!! So elated it really warms my heart in so many ways. I do believe in true love, I believe that MLC'er can be distracted and "think" they have fallen inlove but a person who is depressed cant truly accept and reciprocate true love. It is nothing more than a symptom that gives an emotional high just like a physical substance would. Once it wears off as all things do, the real feelings that were buried comes to the surface.

[Slow Fade]

The remorse you are looking for is there, even when you are getting monster and withdrawal. It is always there but hidden. Some will share the remorse and guilt and ask for understanding and forgiveness like I did, while others will simply want to go back to the way things were or carry on without acknowledging their wrongdoing.

I have found this to be true as well. My H never showed remorse to me, he just wanted to forget everything. I asked our counselor one time if he saw any remorse in my H (they had had some one on one time) and he said yes, most definitely. Maybe he thought I would think less of him as a man or thought it was a sign of weakness. As long as I knew it was there, I was ok.

[strength]

Thank you for responding.  It takes a special person to be a nurse.  That role tells a lot about a person.  My H and I worked together our entire career of almost 40 years.  I am not working right now because moving to another State, I have to get my license changed.  I have been putting it on hold, hoping I would not need one here.  I am always thinking about getting home.  I know that is wrong, and I am getting better at it.  I may even take a part time job doing something totally different.  If I am starting a new life, then maybe it would be good to start doing something else involving people.  One day at a time is all that any of us can do.  I pray for the day my H awakens to reality.  The most intelligent, family oriented, faith driven man I have ever met.  And yet, everyone sees H as a loser right now.  H has embarrassed himself in the community but does not seem to care at all.  H is proud to have OW beside him. 

[stillbaffled]

  And yet, everyone sees H as a loser right now.  H has embarrassed himself in the community but does not seem to care at all.  H is proud to have OW beside him.

Hard to understand that isn't it?  I probably never will. 

[KeepItTogether]

Thank you again Den. All of this is so helpful and inspirational.

[bluerose]

Denjef31

           My h and i have had very little contact in the last year. We went for 8 months without seeing each other and only texted a couple of timez. He made contact with me. He came to talk in august. He said that he is not happy, doesnt desire the ow, dont like her kid, missez me, thinks of me, been wrestling with his feelings for months, and is pretty sure he wants to work things out. We slept together that day. We had little contact that whole month. He told me the last time i seen or talked ro him, sept. 5 that i would have divorce papers in 2 weeks.  2 hours later when he was leaving he kissed me and said he was confused  again and did not know wants. I was wondering how much of tjis should i believe. If he was just playing with my head and heart why do it after 8 months of nothing?