[Thunder]

bluerose,

At least your is confused.  Mine never was, to my knowledge.

I hope he gets his head on straight.  Just don't pursue him, let him come to you.  I also would not have relationship talks with him.  Just keep conversation light.

[Tyks]

Thunder, I am going to take that to mean that it is good my h is confused?  I am just trying to find something positive LOL...

He says he is wrestling with doing the right thing (coming home) and doing what he wants.  But he doesn't know what he wants.  He doesn't love me blah blah blah.  He never considers me though and doesn't really want to spend time with me. 

I feel bad for all of us that our marriages end this way - or may end this way.

D - I really like reading this thread.  Thank you.

[Thunder]

I guess yes, I meant it in a positive way.  He isn't completely in the tunnel yet.  lol

I don't think my H had any doubts in his head from the beginning.  He decided he wanted a D and never wavered.
He maybe had doubts BEFORE BD, but not afterwards.

Funny I remember him telling me he was giving it 2 weeks to see if anything (of course meaning me) changed.   
It sure would have been nice to share that with me.   

Can't very well change anything when you had no clue there was a problem.  Of course nothing changed.   

[Tyks]

Yes, it would be nice if we had been give a heads up instead of BD.

[strength]

Strength,  Oh my Lord.  My H said the same thing to me - "You have to change, and I don't see it happening"  When I asked H was I needed to change H could not come up with anything.  I was always the wonderful, perfect wife.  Hmmm!!!!

I know my H is very confused about everything.  H tells me lately he is miserable and life is twisted.  Where does that put me?  My H has dragged the D on for one year, and I am still working on finishing it.  Can't have wife and OW.  It is all too frustrating.  I am not one to do well with limbo.

[Anjae]

Confusion was Mr J's middle name until he was deep into the tunnel. His mood and what he wanted would change from day to day, or even hour to hour.

I had to change my height. I was too short. Never mind I was roughly the same height I had always been (I was 2 or 3 cm shorter at 18, when we become a couple). Because people can change their height. 

I not even too short. I have the average height of a Portuguese woman my age, 1.65m (5′ 5″). But, hey, who cares, Mr J was upset because I was too short. 

MLCers are nuts. Slow Fade's husband problem was that the dog was too fat. 

[strength]

H's always find something wrong with us.  H's should look at themselves.  My H tells me I am getting old.  H should look in the mirror.  He believes he is like his OW.  LOL!!!  I know who I am and H can think whatever H wants to about me..  I know the truth. 

When do they go through the tunnel and what do you see with H? 

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Strength, I have to say that you have picked the right name. I really believe your moniker should be The Rock. You are solid in your stand. So glad that you're here so that you can get the support and encouragement that will keep you going at this time.

Denjef,

More Questions. I think I know the answers, but I'm really curious to see if I'm on the right track.

I know that he's doing everything that he can to torment us and it's not working. So now he's playing around with the support payment for this month. Needlessly to say, he hasn't transfered it yet. I wrote a joint email to him and my lawyer asking if there was a problem. So here goes:

-Why isn't he tired of all the game playing, and is this yet another way to try to force me to break NC? And if it is, what is he trying to achieve?

-Both he and the AD have taken each other's pictures off of their FB profiles after my MD unfriended the XH. Any thoughts on why? ( I blocked them both last year from all of my FB pages, they read my Wordpress blog, the flag were they live shows up from time to time, and he's been stalking me in other ways digitally as well.)

-They're both still watching MD FB page ( people you may know still has them popping up ). What's that all about?

-Now he's late with the deposit, after trying unsuccessfully to start a fight with the 2 younger ones via text. Is all of this tied to him wanting attention? And we are no longer willing to deal with him?

-He's now broke after starting a business with the AD. Is it possible that that's having an affect on their relationship, and he's trying to start conflicts with us, so that he can maintain his relationship with her?

These are just some questions that have been rolling around in my head. I don't have any real contact with him, but the kids are D&D so it he's been really trying to provoke them lately. Just wanted to have a little insight to know what I and the kids need to do next.

[bluerose]

Thunder,

    I hope he does too. It has been almost 2 years since bd, but i can see noe that it has been in between 3 or 4 years. I dont pursue him. He contacts me. I dont bring up relationship talks. He does. I have read thatit gets worse before it gets better. He is definitely getting worse, especially with the kids. Heavily drinking and hanging around questionAble people. I was just wondering about the thing's he said to me in august. I believe he did mean it at the moment. I also think that maybe years of taking unprescribed prescription drugs that it has caught up with him. I always thought he was taking them occasionally for his back. I now question that maybe it was more of a problem with him rhan i thought.
 

[strength]

My3girls - thank you so much.  It is a work in progress.  Every day is a challenge but we have no choice as LBS.  We are all living a life we never asked for or wanted.  We never expected any of this.  I am living one day at a time and praying to God that he leads me in the right direction.  Not a day goes by that I don't miss my H, but he leaves me no choice other than D.  I cannot live the life H has chosen and never would.  It is disgusting.  I pray for everyone who is going through so much pain.  I ask why everyday.