[ember]

Attaching

[handpuppets]

(Attaching)

[Seeing The Light]

Attaching

[strength]

what does attaching mean? 

[denjef31]

Sorry all I been busy with school, and my H crazy MLC. I will go thru this thread to see if any questions for me. I love people are chiming in giving their thoughts as we all learn from each other

[Roma]

Hi denjef,

I've been reading and just wanted to say thank you so much for your input.

[denjef31]

Strength, I have to say that you have picked the right name. I really believe your moniker should be The Rock. You are solid in your stand. So glad that you're here so that you can get the support and encouragement that will keep you going at this time.

Denjef,

More Questions. I think I know the answers, but I'm really curious to see if I'm on the right track.

I know that he's doing everything that he can to torment us and it's not working. So now he's playing around with the support payment for this month. Needlessly to say, he hasn't transfered it yet. I wrote a joint email to him and my lawyer asking if there was a problem. So here goes:

-Why isn't he tired of all the game playing, and is this yet another way to try to force me to break NC? And if it is, what is he trying to achieve?

-Both he and the AD have taken each other's pictures off of their FB profiles after my MD unfriended the XH. Any thoughts on why? ( I blocked them both last year from all of my FB pages, they read my Wordpress blog, the flag were they live shows up from time to time, and he's been stalking me in other ways digitally as well.)

-They're both still watching MD FB page ( people you may know still has them popping up ). What's that all about?

-Now he's late with the deposit, after trying unsuccessfully to start a fight with the 2 younger ones via text. Is all of this tied to him wanting attention? And we are no longer willing to deal with him?

-He's now broke after starting a business with the AD. Is it possible that that's having an affect on their relationship, and he's trying to start conflicts with us, so that he can maintain his relationship with her?

These are just some questions that have been rolling around in my head. I don't have any real contact with him, but the kids are D&D so it he's been really trying to provoke them lately. Just wanted to have a little insight to know what I and the kids need to do next.

This is a control issue he has, he feels he has lost control of you and the kids. All of this is just manipulation on his part but trying to not out himself. Think about it, he is not going to tell you he miss talking to you, being a part of your life, being a more active parent in the children's life. So what does he do? Play little mind games and procrastinate to piss you off because it is the only power he has.

I would just keep ignoring him unless it is about the kids. For some reason he is finding it hard to admit to himself why he cant completely let go and move completely on. It may appear that he has moved on and he has physically but not emotionally. There are still lingering feelings residing within and that's why you see the games being played. This is how he chooses to deal with them and let them manifest. It's almost a situation of I don't want you but I don't want anybody else to have you either. He still needs to simmer in the pot as he is not fully cooked. Still too much game playing on his end.

[UrsaMajor]

what does attaching mean?

Posting the word (or ANY text reply in a thread) is a way of 1) Letting the owner of the thread know that you are following them but also 2)  triggers the board software to make the topic show up when someone replies when you then click on the "Show New Replies to your posts" button at the top of the page next to your avatar.

[Velika]

Denjef, I'm curious from your experience what happens to a MLCer who makes a "big" decision that is either difficult or impossible to reverse. For example, marrying OW, moving far away, having a baby with OW, etc.

Would the MLCer in this situation need to recover and come out of MLC outside of the context of the LBS? Would the LBS likely never see any resolution?

My estranged husband got OW pregnant eight months post bomb drop. I thought it would end the crisis (if not prevent a reconciliation) but he has instead become angrier and more controlling toward me. He actually seems so volatile I feel stressed out sending him simple text messages.

If you had made a very permanent decision in the fog what do you think might have been your response and how might that have changed the outcome of your crisis?

Thank you!

[1trouble]

Denjef

Firstly I want to thank you again for everything you have shared.

I have done a huge amount of research collating hundreds of pages of MLC views/experiences/reflections (some I have posted on here) and where there are comforting similarities between some of them, there are so many things to learn by reading new experiences as people articulate their experiences in different ways.

But I do have some questions for you, if you don't mind?

You mention your awakening and I have read through your past posts and cannot find the details of this (forgive me if I have missed it)

But
What caused your awakening?
Was it sudden?
What did it feel like to you did you feel like your old self, did you feel threatened by it, did you feel more able to cope...etc?
and what did you start to do, what was your behaviour like in the days, weeks months following your awakening?


Thanks again and I wish you and your H the very best xx