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Author Topic: Discussion Navigating thru the fog personal experiences 4

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Discussion Re: Navigating thru the fog personal experiences 4
#60: January 06, 2017, 02:07:21 PM
Morning Dove,

Yes I was so angry and bitter at my husband for a very long time. It is part of what kept the fuel running for so long. In my quest to hurt and bury him I hurt everybody and myself. As long as he was pursuing I only could think about the bad and yes I rewrote history in my mind and made situations and his part in them 10 times worse than they were.

When he left me to it, the good times, and memories slowly came back. His will too just give him time.

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Re: Navigating thru the fog personal experiences 4
#61: January 06, 2017, 05:25:11 PM
I so appreciate you taking time to respond to all of our questions :)
Thank you!
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Re: Navigating thru the fog personal experiences 4
#62: January 06, 2017, 05:38:57 PM
DenJef, I agree with MD, thank you so much for responding.  You have no idea how much your response meant to me.  I read and read and re-read and re-read your response to my question.

This is so utterly heartbreaking that it has come to this in our marriage, but yet, we have someone like you to get us through this.  OMG, you have been given this gift of insight through firsthand knowledge that God has given you, DenJef, and now you are going through it first-hand yourself.

There is some signal out there for you, DenJef ...  I'm not sure what, but you have been a life savior for so many of us on here.  Truly.  I will read your words tonight over and over.  Thank you.  I know my H's issues are not my problem.
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Re: Navigating thru the fog personal experiences 4
#63: January 06, 2017, 06:19:10 PM
I also appreciate denjef's posts and the insight they've given me into what may be going on in my wife's head but I don't think I'd refer to denjef's insight as being a gift God has given to her. MLC is not a gift. It's more like a terrible trial that the MLCer has to endure twice, first during their childhood when the stage is set and again when the MLC curtain descends.

Denjef didn't just return from Disney World. I'm sure she's been in a dark and disturbing place and she's returned only to find that her husband has left on the same journey and her former life has been shredded. I appreciate her ability to relate her experiences but I suspect it may also be cathartic for her. In that respect I hope that writing about her experiences and answering our questions will help her to better understand what she went through and why.

I'm not trying to be critical of what anyone has written. I just hope everyone understands and is able to appreciate the price denjef has paid for the experience she freely relates. Some of the references to denjef's experience that I have read have left me with a feeling similar to the feeling one would get upon seeing a cheerleader at a funeral home.
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Re: Navigating thru the fog personal experiences 4
#64: January 06, 2017, 06:43:31 PM
I also appreciate denjef's posts and the insight they've given me into what may be going on in my wife's head but I don't think I'd refer to denjef's insight as being a gift God has given to her. MLC is not a gift. It's more like a terrible trial that the MLCer has to endure twice, first during their childhood when the stage is set and again when the MLC curtain descends.

Denjef didn't just return from Disney World. I'm sure she's been in a dark and disturbing place and she's returned only to find that her husband has left on the same journey and her former life has been shredded. I appreciate her ability to relate her experiences but I suspect it may also be cathartic for her. In that respect I hope that writing about her experiences and answering our questions will help her to better understand what she went through and why.

I'm not trying to be critical of what anyone has written. I just hope everyone understands and is able to appreciate the price denjef has paid for the experience she freely relates. Some of the references to denjef's experience that I have read have left me with a feeling similar to the feeling one would get upon seeing a cheerleader at a funeral home.

Nodding. It ain't romance. It's a horror story. And that's not to be overly negative or disrespect you, Denjef, I just deeply remember the terror of learning, in hindsight, that I'd had a mental breakdown, and knowing in no way would my life be back to normal as my xH went deeper in. MLC is a virus always looking for an eager host. When you can gain insight from it, it shows the underlying integrity at your core, but some aren't that lucky (the stuck ones?). God loves marriages, God loves LOVE, period. And this is the opposite of that.
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Re: Navigating thru the fog personal experiences 4
#65: January 06, 2017, 07:47:08 PM
Denjef,

I also am very grateful for your posts!! But I do now have a question , I know you are somewhat familiar with my story and I have found out that my husband has proposed and is now getting married March 12 . He is now in a super hurry to finalize the divorce and I am just devastated ! Seeing now that he is going to be someone else's husband I'm not sure how to continue to stand ?!?

 Without writing a book here he has told me that he proposed to keep her happy and is in shock at how fast it's moving . Part of me doesn't believe him part of me does . Any thoughts for me ? I know you never married your OM, but any insight you could give or suggestions I would greatly appreciate !

 Thank you again for taking the time to help so many of us , you are truly a blessing!
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Re: Navigating thru the fog personal experiences 4
#66: January 06, 2017, 08:08:51 PM
No it isn't pretty to relive all the things I have done. I am not that person anymore so at times when I explain things it takes me back to a very dark and depressing time. I was so lost and many were not able to see it, heck I wasn't able to understand it.

So I do understand the desire to try to make sense of what is happening with your spouse. I end up taking breaks from this thread as I have to regroup as opening old wounds that will never fully heal is in some ways torture. I did awful things, I betrayed my husband and my family, I was not true to myself, my morals, and my beliefs. Yet something in me gives me courage to help by sharing as much as I can.
 
I know what you mean when u thank me I just hope in some way it can help someone get some sort of peace with what is going on and if that happens with just one person on this forum I am good with that.


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Re: Navigating thru the fog personal experiences 4
#67: January 06, 2017, 08:10:42 PM
Butterfly,

Oh goodness I have to catch up on your thread before I comment. I have to reply to MyBrainIsBroken first. Be back I have to do this in spurts.

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Re: Navigating thru the fog personal experiences 4
#68: January 07, 2017, 07:36:52 AM
No it isn't pretty to relive all the things I have done. I am not that person anymore so at times when I explain things it takes me back to a very dark and depressing time. I was so lost and many were not able to see it, heck I wasn't able to understand it.

So I do understand the desire to try to make sense of what is happening with your spouse. I end up taking breaks from this thread as I have to regroup as opening old wounds that will never fully heal is in some ways torture. I did awful things, I betrayed my husband and my family, I was not true to myself, my morals, and my beliefs. Yet something in me gives me courage to help by sharing as much as I can.
 
I know what you mean when u thank me I just hope in some way it can help someone get some sort of peace with what is going on and if that happens with just one person on this forum I am good with that.


Denjef31

I cannot imagine the strength it must to take to come through MLC then to be having to be the LBS. I am in awe of your willingness to share your story from both sides and entertain all of the questions we bombard you with. I surmised it must be difficult for you to bare your soul and be willing to share your experiences, but when you actually put into words that it "reopens old wounds that will never fully heal" I realize how much courage you have.

Rest assured, your advice and willingness to share has helped many of us. You are one special person :)
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Re: Navigating thru the fog personal experiences 4
#69: January 07, 2017, 06:36:07 PM
MyBrainIsBroken,

I feel like a lot of friends and family will never understand what I went through or what my husband is going thru. I think they believe I am giving him excuses for his behavior. As if I had any control over this thing. These same family and friends while criticizing my H they sympathized with me and made excuses for the reasons I was doing what I was doing. I learned one good thing, their opinions was biased and not to share my marital problems with family and friends.

Long after your marriage has recovered and healed these same people although they mean you well will constantly remind you of why they think you are better off. It's easy to give advice but not take their own advice. So I am respectful and thankful but at the end of the day I live for me and me alone and I answer to God and second my H. That's the way it should be and has to be or you will constantly try to please people and no marriage can survive that.

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