[denjef31]

Hi Den
I know many have said it. You are a true inspiration. Amazing strength and a huge heart for coming here. I haven't posted here in a long while. Became a more a lurker.

My XW left July 2015. My 2 daughters haven't seen her since August 2015. They are 14 and 16 now. XW was the mother of the year and overnight to worst mother.
XW has sent a total of 12 messages to them over this time. All messages about her and blaming them.

I only have contact with her when updating about the girls. Which 2017 I have since stopped as I find it pointless.

She did have a few weeks in Nov 2016 saying that we ( me and the girls) shouldn't of just let her go. We should have stopped her if we really loved her.  She said we should of went to marriage therapy to save our couple. I know it would of not helped as she was too manic back then with all the weight loss, finding herself, texting, hair changes, tattoos, spending money and of course OM. Moving in with him 3 weeks after meeting him on the internet.

She still choses to live an hour away with toothless OM.
I continue to love my girls and be the best father I can.

Question for you. When you had your moments of clarity. Did all the memories of the bad things you did during your MLC flood back in or much of it is still forgotten even today ?

Hope you are well. It's still not easy for you I'm sure.

I had forgotten a lot of it until I noticed my H was acting in similar ways as I did and I would come here to read articles, and threads and they brought back clear moments and memories of the things I did. So yes the memories do come back if triggered. Not all forget their time in MLC. Some have clear memories and can articulate it very well never suffering from memory loss.

I lost it all and most of it is back, some of it still trickling in as I read things or questions are asked. I think it is a coping mechanism to erase unpleasant moments and memories.

Denjef31

[denjef31]

Hi denjef,
          I was wondering if the way the kids handle the situation with the mlcer has an impact on all this. My kids s21, s19 and d12 have never met the wh*r^. They refuse. I will not allow d12 to, not that she wants to anyway. S21 does nc with h. S19 was in contact but would fight with h more than anything. D12 told h 2 months ago that she did not want to talk to or see him. This happened after she called him and confronted him about things that were bothering her and ge brushed her off.
       H has also started changing friends again. S19 tells me with some not very good people. He moved 35 miles away from us but comes back to our town to see these people. Not his kids. I think he might be working up to another touch and go. Anything you can offer up as advice or opinion is appreciated.

 It does weigh heavy on the MLC. Especially a parent who was dedicated and involved. We hurt the most the ones closest to our hearts. We are aware of that but we are also powerless for a period of time. When he  starts coming out of this they will be major movement to repair and fix these relationships he has abandoned during the fog. It's all script, and the fixing and repairing is script too. It doesn't seem that way when you are going thru it as the person you love is buried deep within like a cocoon along with his control and his true feelings.

[denjef31]

HeroIam,

Ugh tough one. You are at a crossroads it sounds like if whether you want to continue standing or to move on. Personal choice, I can only give you things to consider as there are no real words of wisdom when you are at a crossroad in your life or marriage.

For me when I came to this crossroad I had told myself I was moving on. My feelings wouldn't let me, I then started asking myself questions such as was I at a point where I could see my H with another woman and not care, not get emotional, or jealous? I wasn't. I then asked if I started dating could I wholeheartedly put my all into the relationship? Could I leave the baggage from my marriage and not bring it into a new relationship? Would I be okay introducing this man to my H and my kids? No. Was I ready to bring a man into my kids life that was not their father? No. Everything told me I was not ready to emotionally or physically be done with my marriage that I had to fight for it and give it my all.

I craved intimacy, I fought and still fight loneliness, I crave to be completely restored in my marriage but I also know this is just a season. If you can honestly answer yes to those questions or some other similar questions then you know what to do. Whatever brings you peace with no regrets is the path you should take. I understand completely your struggle as I have them too.

Denjef31

[denjef31]

Abiding,

Why are you hanging up on him? Why not listen to what he has to say? Why is he concerned about your feelings? That is a question I would be thinking about. He sounds unsure of his decision. Is he waiting for you to give him an emotional response so he can feel justified or perhaps call it off. There is more to this story.

Denjef31

[denjef31]

All,

I think I have caught up on the questions. As some of you know the new semester has started so I have new classes, clinicals, school, work, and a hubby in MLC. I will not be in this thread as much as I like due to my schedule. I will come in here as much as time allows so please don't think I am ignoring you. I hope you all will continue to share in this thread and respond as I think it has been so helpful to many. I will be back in so if you have a question for me post it but just understand I might not respond immediately.i do know we are all seeking answers and just to share and talk with someone who understands and been through what you are going thru. I will be back tomorrow😉

[MourningDove]

Good luck with the new semester and thank you for being as accommodating as you have been Take care of yourself!

[Nas]

Thank you, denjef, and good luck!

[Never say never]

Hugs, DenJef.

[Cat66]

Good luck and thank you 🙂

[krathos]

Hi Den,
I wish you the best of luck on this semester.
I was wondering if I could have your input on something...my W has asked for a meet up with D and I next Saturday so her and D can try to start reconnecting, now she hasn't really seen D since last August and she is really desperate for this meetup, D doesn't want to but has agreed to it.
W keeps acting like her and I are just friends, she has even said it to me today. She acts like our split was amicable, I am having doubts about going to this meet-up as I feel she is just using me to see D, taking advantage of the situation.
As I said I was just looking for your input or viewpoint on this.