[Anjae]

You're welcome, Xyzcf.

Regarding the eyes, there is a point (or types) of depression were nothing is seen in the eyes. Not all depressed people have those dead eyes MLCer have and many depressed people also do.

Mr J, like all MLCers, was already depressed at BD. His eyes remained normal for almost 3 years after he left. Then, on,y rarely have they seem normal again.

There are other changes in Mr J. One of his eyes is lower than the other. His eyelids are almost closed. His face changes. Often puffy, but at times almost normal. His body posture is also changed. Hunched shoulders, movements look different, same with pace/way of walk - I only have photos or videos from his DJ sets and the two times I saw him past the 3 years mark, once in family court and last January.

Family court was October 2014 and I only recognised him because my lawyer pointed and said, there is Mr J. January his movements on the DJ booth were weird, so was his posture.

In some photos, from differt years, he looks almos his normal self. In most, he looks very stange and different.

megogirl, if your husband had always been like Harvey Weinstein and always was monster, than, you either do not have a MLCer or you never noticed before how he was.

I doubt you wouldn't had notice monster before... if your MCL husband is like your real husband, how did you notice any changes?

I have always felt like his property, and that he is somehow "superior" to me.

Think this has more to do with you than with him.

[MKnight10]

It truly is sad how all of us experience the same things and yet no one has this information in advance so that we can tell far in advance what is happening and perhaps divert it?  I don't know if that's even possible.

I dont think that it is possible to divert it. We had the most amazing and fantastic holiday prior to all this chaos starting. Within a month of returning, Mrs K has quit her job and had got a new one; within weeks she started withdrawing from our marriage and within months of the holiday, had checked out of our marriage; I doubt she will ever return.

If you had asked me on that holiday, would we be separated within months I would have laughed you out of the city.....

Even if I realised what was happening at the time I dont think there was anything I could have done to prevent it.

[Anjae]

It truly is sad how all of us experience the same things and yet no one has this information in advance so that we can tell far in advance what is happening and perhaps divert it?  I don't know if that's even possible.

We can't prevent it. At best, if we knew the signs, we may start to make certain decision for ourselves. But even if we knew the signs, I don't know.

A handful of HS members married twice to people who end up in MLC. Having had a first MLCer spouse does not mean we will be able to
to do a thing about a second spouse going into MLC. Let alone if is it the first time we are faced with it.

[megogirl]

No....it had EVERYTHING to do with him....

If he didn't get sex every single day, I was to blame.

If there was someone I was friends with on FB that was single and he did not know, they had to be "de-friended" immediately.

He looked me dead in the face and said, "You married up."

Please tell me how am I *not* supposed to take that comment as being inferior-to-my-superior?!?

[Anjae]

Did those things happened before BD/MLC? If so, it has to do with you. You accepted them rather than leave a relationship that, clearly, was unhealthy.

Your husband could be this, that or those, but you remained married to him and with him.

If those things happened after BD/while in MLC, they are all unceptable, odd and horrible, but that is different from things always had been that way.

Please tell me how am I *not* supposed to take that comment as being inferior-to-my-superior?!?

Do you think you are inferior to your husband?  He may say whatever he wants, but what do you think?

[megogirl]

Did those things happened before BD/MLC? If so, it has to do with you. You accepted them rather than leave a relationship that, clearly, was unhealthy.


Yes I've always known certain things have been "off."  For example, making me defriend certain people on FB, and screaming at me until that happened.  That was a red flag that something wasn't right.

I wouldn't say I "accepted" it....any more than I accept all of the crap he's doing now. 

It's called a vow.  For better or worse, and that was just the "worse."

I know he isn't superior to me, but he believes he is.  Actually, he believes he's superior to most people. 

MLC has intensified his narcissicism exponentially.

[Thunder]

Sounds like Delusions of Grandeur, megogirl.   

Actually my first H was a narcissist, but it took me years to figure it out.
Sometimes it's not always easy when you're married to them to be objective...or to see the whole picture for a long time.

Why did I stay married to him for 18 years?  I guess because we had 3 kids and I was Catholic....and a stay at home mom.  Divorce was very scary for me.  How was I going to support 3 teenagers?
Not great excuses but it's the truth.    

[ChrissYAH]

I didn't really notice the eyes, when he ran off after BD, I only saw him a few times, and he couldn't look me in the face, always had his face turned to the side, the one time I saw him in court i noticed he looked pale and pasty. 

[Yari]

Myself, my children and most of our collective extended family have declared to me that they have seen the "look" in my wife's eyes on many occasions through the years.  It is a very cold, emotionless look that epitomizes the old cliche "if looks could kill".  Sometimes its a depressed look, sometimes a manic look and sometimes a diabolical look.  My children are grow (ages 20 to 30) and all are very wary of that look.  They have all expressed to me since BD that they knew how a visit would go within a couple of minutes of walking through the door and looking at her.  I guess i just looked at it as normal after 33 years.  At BD her eyes were the coldest i have ever seen.  Blank, empty and full of distain. Been that way since (only 3 weeks now). 

[Not Applicable]

Didn't mean to piss you off, Goner.  You do seem to have it in for me though (?!)

No, I don't have it in for you. You just seem to be obsessed with seeing everything related to MLC through a filter of Hollywood in one way or another.