[Anjae]

I think the issue with V's husband is the obsession part and it being a new, crisis thing.

For what it's worth, Velika, mine is now not just Buddhist again, but vegan (something he refused to do when we were vegetarians because he didn't want to give up dairy). He and the OW went from planning to be pig farmers, to raising chickens, to now being extremists on the other end.

Talk about changes and then some.


Back to MLCers' eyes. Currently (there is a batch of new DJ promo photos) Mr J's eyes and face are very, very stange. Not only the eyes still look dead and have narrowed, both the pupils as well as the eye dimension, his right eye is much, much lower than his left eye and almost closed. The eye lid nearly covers all the eye.

And there are huge, saggy, eye bags as well. His face is also asymmetrical, right side much different than the left side, his cheeks look puffy and swallowed at the same time (weird, I know), his hair seems thin. His finger look chubby, they were always slim and he looks like hell, without single sign of happiness.

He looks like someone who has not had any sleep in years, he looks hagard, miserable, hopeless, sad.  For reference, Mr J looks much worse than Ben Affleck.

[Velika]

I think the issue with V's husband is the obsession part and it being a new, crisis thing.

For what it's worth, Velika, mine is now not just Buddhist again, but vegan (something he refused to do when we were vegetarians because he didn't want to give up dairy). He and the OW went from planning to be pig farmers, to raising chickens, to now being extremists on the other end.

Talk about changes and then some.


Back to MLCers' eyes. Currently (there is a batch of new DJ promo photos) Mr J's eyes and face are very, very stange. Not only the eyes still look dead and have narrowed, both the pupils as well as the eye dimension, his right eye is much, much lower than his left eye and almost closed. The eye lid nearly covers all the eye.

And there are huge, saggy, eye bags as well. His face is also asymmetrical, right side much different than the left side, his cheeks look puffy and swallowed at the same time (weird, I know), his hair seems thin. His finger look chubby, they were always slim and he looks like hell, without single sign of happiness.

He looks like someone who has not had any sleep in years, he looks hagard, miserable, hopeless, sad.  For reference, Mr J looks much worse than Ben Affleck.

I think what we all want, most of all, is for this to be understood and recognized as an illness.

"Shark eyes" is a shared observation that comes up with many, many new LBS. This is probably one of the most unifying physical symptom of MLC that I have seen discussed on this forum.

Because of the consistency of this phenomenon, it makes sense to ask: "Where else is this observed and why?"

One of the first things the "high energy monster" MLCer loses is empathy and self-awareness. (The "wallowers" seem to have more self awareness I think.) This and shark eyes seem to be two defining features of this condition. (I would also add accelerated aging perhaps.)

[megogirl]

Of course your comment caused a backlash, megogirl. What were you expecting?

I hardly expected that, because in my mind, I made a totally innocuous comment.

I asked what colour are his eyes, but you didn't answer,

H's eyes are brown, but why does that even matter?

They were not at all "normal"...so I easily related to the victim of HW on GMA, and presumed all LBS's could relate, too....

Guess I'm the only LBS with a scary Monster.  Why does RCR make it seem otherwise, like all MLC'ers are Monsters?

[Thunder]

Hi Megogirl,

I don't think they are all Monsters, but some sure are.  The ugly name calling and degrading their spouse, but some just don't have it in them to Monster.  Mine tried but Monster takes a lot of energy.  Wallower's just don't have that energy.
They just wallow in their misery.

But they are no better or worse.  They either Monster at you or they act like you don't exist which is equally hurtful.
There were times when I wanted him to get mad so I could see some emotion in him, but there was none.

I agree Velika they ALL have the same dead, empty eyes.  Almost spacy looking.

[Anjae]

I think what we all want, most of all, is for this to be understood and recognized as an illness.

I wouldn't mind, but saying that MLCer are like rapist and serial killers is not going to help.

"Shark eyes" is a shared observation that comes up with many, many new LBS. This is probably one of the most unifying physical symptom of MLC that I have seen discussed on this forum.

It is. But it does not have to do with the colour. It has to do with dead eyes. Therefore, eyes turning black is not the main thing most LBS see on their MLCer eyes. It is the fact that the eyes are dead, soulless, lifeless. Different than colour.

Because of the consistency of this phenomenon, it makes sense to ask: "Where else is this observed and why?"

In depression. Dead/shark eyes are present in many depressed people. That has been mentioned over the years on HS.

Ted Bundy's eyes are beautiful, lively and captivating, not shark eyes at all. Yet, he was a serial killer.

I searched for Harvey Weinstein's eye colour since Mego didn't answered me. He has dark brown eyes. Dark brown, in the dark, without much light, or with certain emotions will look like black. I have dark brown eyes, at times they can look black. If Weinstein had bright blues eyes that turned black it would be one thing, dark brown eyes turning or looking black does't mean much.

One of the first things the "high energy monster" MLCer loses is empathy and self-awareness. (The "wallowers" seem to have more self awareness I think.)

Don't know if Wallowers have more self-awareness. They are more openly depressed, so it easier to see it as depression. My cousin who had MLC was a Wallower. He didn't had much, if any, self-awareness. But it was easy for us, and everyone who knew him to see he was depressed. He always refers to his crisis as "my depression", never as a crisis. Other people I know from real life who had MLC, also refer to it as "their depression" or "when I was unwell".

I would also add accelerated aging perhaps.

Not sure about this. Mr J looks a mess, but it is clear he is not very old. And for many years he looked younger than he is. He still does, just a real mess.

Never have seen any LBS before you thinking they had anything to do with a HW victim. You may had make the link because of your husband, but not the rest of us.

I have a scary monster MLCer. Savy, In It, LP, and a few others have scary monster MLCers who tried do kill us. If you think a MCLer that has tried to kill us is not scary, not sure what you call scary.

What RCR means by monster is that pretty much all High Energy MLCers, and even some Wallowers, monster. But some monster more than others and some are more scrary horrible than others.

You have something different than a MLCer, you have a husband that was already abusive.

P.S. now you have answered, Mego.  His eyes are dark brown, not just brown. It matters because dark brown eyes can look black depending of the light.

[Anjae]

I agree Velika they ALL have the same dead, empty eyes.  Almost spacy looking.

This. Nothing to do with colour/black.

[OffRoad]

In all fairness, I thought "shark" eyes WERE black.  Black-eyes is my only frame of reference, so apparently I've never seen "shark" eyes.

Thank you tho, OR - I was definitely surprised there was any backlash at my comment!

No worries, to each their own. My ex had blue eyes, but his shark eyes looked black. Pupil dilation would explain it, so I found that really informative.

I was concerned for your safety, but do I understand your MLCer  lives elsewhere, so you are currently safe?  If you have to interact with him, please keep yourself safe. Also, I realize you are standing, but considering some of what I have read, consider what your H was like before MLC, and think carefully if getting back together would be in your best interests if he returns to any thing similar to any abusive behaviors described.

[megogirl]

No, I'm safe, thanks.

His past behavior is in the past.  His Monstering behavior is in my present.  All acts of violence have taken place while he's been in Monster.

Therefore, I think I can safely blame his MLC for his indiscretions.  Has he SAID nasty things in the past?  Yes, but all couples fight, and I knew I was marrying a temper.

We don't speak at all, which I know isn't conducive to anything, but it is what it is.

He has maneuvered a stay-away order from the State of NY against me.  Therefore, if I tried to report his various crimes, he'll have that right in his back pocket to pull out.  An evil genius!

Monster, indeed....   

[Thunder]

I'm sorry Mego.

What did he use against you for that stay away order?  What did he claim you did?

Sadly it is always "he said, she said."  They never really know the whole truth.

[megogirl]

I did NOTHING to him....only her, but of course made it about him as well....

I left a snarky letter in her mailbox about Affairing Down.  It described exactly why, and how, she was/is an Affair Down.  I left my letter, along with RCR's article on Affairing Down, and 4 pix of me & H.  I love RCR so much that I figured I'd share her brilliance!

Snarky yes, albeit quite informative! Ha ha

Anyway that got me arrested for harassment....and, knowing he needed legal smut against me, he finagled his way into the fray.

The weird thing is that I don't regret any of it AT. ALL.