[maomina]

Thanks law professor so that's what ex meant when he said that he wanted to go back to zero and when he accused me of wanting to move on and leave him behind ......It was all about him . At first he seemed like a clinger it's now that he completely vanished and that's obviously my fault  ...... !!!! Or so he states !!

[Notme]

Hi all, I have a question and any help would be fantastic.

W moved out a year ago and has an on-off relationship with OM, he seems to cheat on her but she keeps taking him back. At the begining of the year there seemed to be a touch n go that lasted about 4 weeks. During that time we had a day trip out of town as a family W, D15, S14 and myself and it was just like old times we had a great day but she was not seeing OM during that time. She has since gone running back to him.

Coming up D15 has a 5 day dancing competition out of town and the plan was for W to take her. Since then she has mentioned that I might like to come with them and bring S14. I said no.

A week later S14 tells me W has found some cheap flights for the 2 of us to go with them. Again I said no thanks.

Before that trip there are 2 out of town day compititions that D15 is going to. Yesterday W asked if she took D15 to one would I like to do the other. I jumped at the chance at some daddy daughter time and said yes. D15 and I then said we would ask one of the other mothers to help with things like hair and other things that dad is no good at.

At that time W looked at us both and said NO I'll be coming with you.

Now I would love the family time together but I don't feel great about it when W has a boyfriend. Is she cake eating, is she using me, is she anchor checking or should we all go together and show her what she gave up.

So my question, should we all go on the day trip or should I tell W no thanks you don't want me as a husband or friend so why would we go away together. If there was no OM I would be happy to go.

Any thoughts would be great.

[OneHotMess]

Attaching

[lawprofessor]

Notme,
My take-dont cut off your nose to spite your face.  Move your focus to what's important. 
1.  You want to spend time with your daughter. 

2.  Presumably she would like to have her dad there. 

Solution:  Make daughter happy since she is what's important.   The rest is not nearly as important.  You can manage to make daughter happy and not be taken advantage by your wife.

From a daughter who loves her daddy very much.

Lp

[Whyus]

Notme, in going through something similar... W wants time here but has run off to OM as well. We have written alot the last 2 days and most of it was not nice. From either of us.... She keeps saying/ writting onlines which could mean anything to do my head in and it's working... I hate her right now. Its S18s Birthday next monday. Hes told her that she is not welcome.

[LBMIKE]

Hi all,

I'm glad this general topic post was setup. The quick questions and advice is great.

I was wondering how relationships with the family of their MLCer's were like after BD, rewriting of history, etc. My W had filed for D and I went to a Temp Order her lawyer setup after the, Oh, lets do this without the greedy lawyers. Well, she was ready with hers. So, I went, countered all of her BS and now her family has turned their backs on me. Very hurtful, especially being so close for 20+ years.

[Whyus]

LBMike.
I still have a good or very good relationship with Ws family. They are all on my team and have tried to talk to W but she just blocks them all. My MIL is German and FIL is Italian. FIL hasnt spoken to W since BD. He cant believe what shes doing. I thanked MIL yesterday for theyre support but I said theres no point in anybody talking to W like they do. Nobody will really say how they feel because shes fragile and they dont want to hurt her feelings (poor girl). I said its time that somebody (FIL would be nice) to let her know how everybody really feels and give her the full load. Its not going to happen but hey, im out of here. Trying to go NC and see what she will do.

[OffRoad]

Hi all,

I'm glad this general topic post was setup. The quick questions and advice is great.

I was wondering how relationships with the family of their MLCer's were like after BD, rewriting of history, etc. My W had filed for D and I went to a Temp Order her lawyer setup after the, Oh, lets do this without the greedy lawyers. Well, she was ready with hers. So, I went, countered all of her BS and now her family has turned their backs on me. Very hurtful, especially being so close for 20+ years.

Depends on the family. H's family is pleasant to me if we need to talk for some reason, but otherwise ignores me. Considering most of his issues have to do with denial and avoidance, it's easy to see his FOO issues. Same as with your W, expend no energy trying to make them like you, IMO. It's sad, but their loss.

[What now]

I, too, am ignored by the majority.

After BAD, i deleted them all from fb because i didn't want to see any pictures of him and ow around new year and i didn't want to put them in any positions.

My SIL added me and told me i will always be family. 2 of my stepchildren come and see me and talk to me. SD26 told me i will always be her step mum no matter what.

SMIL talks to me on a regular basis. MLCer has gone mad, said that she's his family and shouldn't talk to me. She's gone mad and had many arguments with him over it, saying that she won't be told what to do. She's told him she loves us both and will support us both but won't get dragged into it by either of us.

MIL is gunning for me and i don't know why, a little while ago she claimed she took an overdose because of our relationship breakdown. At this point, she said missed me. She's well in with ow now though, when she isn't slagging her off behind her back. MIL is toxic and stirs up tension in many relationships so it's not long before she starts interfering.

So, in a nutshell, most of the family are trying to stay out of it and it is very awkward but they do talk to me if i talk to them.

[Notme]

Thanks lawprofessor and Whyus,

lawprofessor your advice just makes it all so simple. It's about D15 not W.

Thanks