[nah]

Any way, This was just a reply to the one who said; my husband don't drink. It might very well be that way but my husband during our 30 years did not drink either but he is a drinker now, the last 6 months I spent with him he drank wine like it was Kool aid (do you still have that in the US? Loved it as a kid  I have at least 3-4 mlc/depressed males that I know of, now that I understand male depression, that drinks amounts that is way way over what they use to drink, one is an alcoholic but the interesting thing is that they can't put 2+2 together.

Passi... I know we wrote about this on another thread but my father was also an MLCer.  Lucky us.

Anyways, one doesn't have to drink to be an alcoholic.  Alcoholism is considered a chronic disease where the alcoholic cannot control their level of drinking when they do consume.  If they don't consume, they keep it under control.

Seems to me there is a relation.  Those of us with vanishers usually don't know what they are doing.  In the early days people asked me if the Leaver was drinking again.  He knew he was an alcoholic and hadn't had a drink in about 20 years.  I said, "No", I didn't think so.  In fact, for some reason he told me that the girl didn't drink (A big fat lie, and I didn't even ask....weird). 

A few months ago, when he started opening up to me he said he had one drink and was afraid b/c he was obsessed with drinking.  I think he has had more than one.

When I saw him the other day, he was very puffy.  The same way he use to look when he was a practicing alcoholic. 

Another form of escapism from the master of escape and avoid.

[BrenM]

Interesting Nah - when my eldest son ran into his father some 5 months ago, during tears my H told son that he was almost an alcoholic.  He "HAD" to drink lots at night time in order to get to sleep.  I hadn't thought more about that until reading your post.  Definitely Excape and Avoid...

[bluerose]

     My h told me that he has quit drinking. Then he told me months later that he still buys his 15 pack every week. When the ow puts pics of them up on fb the majority is of them drinking. He told me before he left the last time that he drinks to numb the pain of being with me. He has been living with the ow for about 1.5 years now and still drinks. Does he drink to numb the pain of being with her?  After seeing what she looks like he woyld have to drink to be with her. Lol! He was a drinker before and when i met him, i guess thats my fault too!

[Passiflora]

Hi again,
lol….yeah Nah…We are the "lucky ones" aren't we? 

My thoughts about the "alcohol issue" is simply that "our" has an addictive personality. I don't have a degree but if you turn to alcohol, gambling, shopping, sex, sports, drugs etc in a way that you neglect you or your relationships work/personal and to numb your feelings/shame/guilt etc. than it's destructive and you most probably reach rock bottom and maybe turn your life around. OR you don't want to stop or in some way you can keep your addiction in control.

I think or I know my xh showed addictive behavior long before BD, his "sport addiction" took control over him long before the porn, sex and/or alcohol entered the scene.

I just wanted to add this, even if alcohol, sex might be one of the most "popular" medicine for a depressed person, I think it's the "addictive" behavior that's the "real sign".

If someone can teach me; how is it that some people use addictive behavior and some don't as cooping mechanism or are everyone in the danger zone?

Hugs

[bluerose]

  Elegance,
               I was just wondering if you dont have a vanisher then why did you take it upon yourself to start another discussion thread about this?

[Roma]

Hi bluerose,

I don't have a vanisher yet have studied MLC extensively. I was responding to sparclestar and the thread ran over the limit, so I was just trying to be helpful and start a new one because Rossbren was not online.

[Still Half full]

Rossbren - thank you for listing all these names, I thought that there weren't many of us that have MLC that run and pretend we don't exist, seeing that I'm in good company really helps, sorry that you're all having to deal with this, but it does help to know I'm not the only one going through this

I've just remembered my H had a problem with slot machines when we met, it didn't worry me but I couldn't understand it either. This stopped when I bought him his own full size slot machine that he could use as a piggy bank 😄. He has also always been quite obsesssive about exercise, logging every length swum and mile walked, we had to take the plug off a bread maker because he couldn't stop making bread 😄 and he couldn't swim or walk enough to stop the weight gain from his addiction to freshly made bread.  I didn't see these behaviours as addictive at the time, but remembering these 'quirks' has shown me that he must have had an mild addictive behaviour when I met him

He's always been a social drinker and the occasional evenings at home, but when the MLC behaviour started his drinking became excessive and every evening, starting earlier and earlier. I have heard from his colleagues and family that he still drinks too much, if anyone asks him how he is his reply is always 'depressed and drinking too much' and then shuts down the conversation. I agree that this is to numb his feelings, escape and avoid behaviour

These points might not mean much to a lay person, but thinking about these things in the context of MLC has been insightful for me

Thanks to everyone on HS for sharing, you help me make sense of my feelings about my H, I don't hate him like friends expect me to, I'm worried about him, but I know I can't fix him and I am still concentrating on me, but it is sad

[bluerose]

    I know it was getting full and am quite capable of starting a new one myself.

[Roma]

I didn't lock it. Someone else did. I tried to respond to Rossbren because she couldn't read the articles I posted yet couldn't because the thread was locked. I didn't know any other way to respond to her w/ newly posted articles.

[bluerose]

    Are you a moderator or a mentor? Do you run this site?