[heroIam]

SHF.
I think mine is an off and on-er too. I like the name Hider. Lol
Avoider is also a good one.

Nah, that video was hilarious. And I'm curious about what H says to other people too.....I'm even more curious as to what he tells OW since we are still legally married and he's still financially responsible.    Maybe she's so desperate she doesn't care....



 

[stillbaffled]

I call my exH The Cowardly Vanisher. 

Absolutely NO contact since the first week of September last year.  And that was a text to me asking if I could leave the back door open so he had access to the house.  HUH?!  Are you frigging kidding me?? 

My BD was Jan 1, 2016 (his 53rd bday).  I didn't even get the ILYBINILWY speech.  I got, "I don't love you."  Took about 15 minutes tops.  I was so shocked I didn't even cry.  I kind of went numb.  I remember telling him we could go for counseling and he angrily told me he wasn't going to any counseling and he didn't care what people said.  I asked him if there was another woman and he angrily stated that he guessed he was "just a loner."  HUH???  Since when?  I've known him since he was 13 years old.  A loner??  Not in the first 53 years of his life! 

He then proceeded to tell me he needed to "get out of here" and walked out the door and left in his truck with nothing but the clothes on his back.  I now know what an extreme state of shock feels like.  I figured he went to his mommy's house and two days later when I went to work he came back and got clothes and a few personal things.   
I knew even the day after BD that my exH was having a crisis of some kind combined with some serious depression. 

I was a mess, but I refused to contact him.  I figured if he needed space I'd give it to him.  And he didn't contact me.  At all.  On Valentines Day I arrived home from work to find divorce papers laying on the kitchen counter.  Two days later I had an attorney because I wasn't going to lose everything I'd worked for over the last 30 years.  By that time I'd heard that he'd found a true gutter troll (love that term, beyond!) and moved her into his mommy's house with him.  She was in the process of divorcing her third husband.    

My MLCer never made any attempts to come home, never wavered in the least.  Monstered to my lawyer's office about how slow the D was moving.  I had a message from my lawyer that D was final on July 26th.  I have no idea when he found out. 

They live 5 minutes away from me with his mommy and I've seen him twice in the last 9 months.  Once in the local restaurant with her and once by himself in a local store.  Both times he wouldn't even look at me. 

I have no idea what he tells people about us.  He doesn't talk to most of this small community that he grew up in.  I tell everybody he left me.  I also add that he just walked out and never looked back. 

And I still have things in this house that someday he's going to want.  I figure that some day, years down the road, my thread is going to be more interesting when he is forced to contact me to get them!   

[nah]

SB, I will be very very surprised if you don't hear from him within 2-3 years.

I notice around 3-yrs seems to be common when the "Hiders" start to peek. 

True vanishers do happen but you are not even at the 18 month mark yet.

Willing to move in with a married man in his 50's into his MOTHER'S HOUSE?!?  Divorcing her 3rd Husband???  Who needs anymore details?  Seriously?

[Saskia]

My BD was April 2012 with the confession of an affair. We swept things under the rug for 2 years until he left May 2014. Moved in with ow straight away. Only contact was d papers.

Have not seen him or spoken to him in almost 3 years, think I can call him a vanisher.

We had been together 32 years.

[nah]

My BD was April 2012 with the confession of an affair. We swept things under the rug for 2 years until he left May 2014. Moved in with ow straight away. Only contact was d papers.

Have not seen him or spoken to him in almost 3 years, think I can call him a vanisher.

We had been together 32 years.

Wow, Saskia, I'm so sorry.

Yes, yours right now does seem like a true vanisher. 

They have been known to change "types" but one never knows.

32 years is a long time. 

[stillbaffled]

My BD was April 2012 with the confession of an affair. We swept things under the rug for 2 years until he left May 2014. Moved in with ow straight away. Only contact was d papers.

Have not seen him or spoken to him in almost 3 years, think I can call him a vanisher.

We had been together 32 years.

Whoa.....now that's a vanisher.   

How are you doing now, Saskia?  Stick around.  We'd like to get to know you!   

[stillbaffled]

SB, I will be very very surprised if you don't hear from him within 2-3 years.

I notice around 3-yrs seems to be common when the "Hiders" start to peek. 

True vanishers do happen but you are not even at the 18 month mark yet.

Willing to move in with a married man in his 50's into his MOTHER'S HOUSE?!?  Divorcing her 3rd Husband???  Who needs anymore details?  Seriously?

So, Nah, you don't want to know that she's actually had FOUR marriage licences in just this county??!?  One lucky guy got away before she snared him!

Her most recent exH called me one evening last August.  He seemed to be quite okay with the Cowardly Vanisher taking her off his hands.  Said life was going well for him and wanted to see how I was doing as he'd heard that I was pretty shocked. 

I refuse to give her any importance - she's probably even beneath gutter troll status!  Maybe beyond can come up with another term for her!

Oh, and for the record....they're still living with his mother!   

[nah]

Yikes SB.

No questioning MLC there.

As you already know the best way to handle those types of ow is ignore, ignore, ignore.  Let them do the dirty work for you.  Man, I would love to be a fly on the wall in that house.

The best thing that happened to me was the Leaver's first band.  They all knew me, most of them for 30+ years.  So here comes this 20-something year old girl trying to take my place.  She was younger than many of the band wives children!!

I was completely gone, total hands off. 

I heard over a year later that I would come up in stories, I mean, old friends reminisce, right?  She would completely flip out if my name came up.  Can you imagine what she does when they are alone?  Thing is, when we were going through the divorce, talk about finances, even when he talked about me traveling (he snarkily brought up my boyfriends, pronouncing the "S" extra long), I never brought up the girl.  In the early days he sometimes used the word "we" when talking about where he lived and it would sting like a knife in my heart but I still gave zero reaction.  Even our recent conversation I said, "then why are YOU getting married" again, I never brought up anything about her, she is an "it".  I refer to her on here as the "girl", like she is a table.  I do that on purpose. 

He has zero reason to defend her to me.  Again, I do that on purpose.  How about when I come up?  Do you think she says anything nice?  He has two choices, go along with it and let the truth fester inside him or defend me.  We will always be a ghost that haunts that relationship.  Always.

[Tyks]

I dont know if my stbx has an ow. I think his ow is work. He had an awful lot of anger towards me. Not really sure why. Wish someone could explain that to me lol...

I believe he is off and on... only on when I contact him. So maybe a vanisher bc he doesnt contact me. Who knows.... I sure wish I could get some answers. He walked away with mothing and he seems to be fine with that.

[Tyks]

Me again... I truly am starting to believe that my stbx does not love me anymore. If he loved me at all he would not treat me so poorly. I actually am believing all the spew he says.