[banaynaboat]

Thanks everyone for your insights. I'm learning a lot from you although I am still unsure if I am the OW. Ex said he's getting divorced, told me (almost) everything about his life including two kids (where they go to school, where he works, etc.). I haven't been to his house though because his divorce isn't final yet and his parents are against it.

The first year he was caring, doting, and everything we wanted from a man although he has always been busy. But tries to spend time with (call) me. The following year he started disappearing slowly. He doesn't tell me his whereabouts, rarely calls, doesn't talk much about his life except about what he feels on that day. Told me he has been depressed, lethargic, etc. It could be MLC according to him. But he's only 37, so I'm not sure.

The last few weeks, I only get good morning messages. Nothing more. When I ask him how he feels or when I open topics about his hobbies, he didn't respond. Told me he didn't want to touch his phone except when it's work related.

We didn't see each other for three months, so I paid him a surprise visit. We talked for a FEW minutes. He went home because he said he was sick. The following day I asked if I could see him one last time before I go home. He said he was so sick and apologized. I got suspicious because that's so not him. He's been sick before but still he spent time with me. Long story short, I found out he played golf and went to work instead of being with me. He was sick, but not too sick not to see me.

When I saw him that night, it was like a different person. The guy who would make sure I was OK, who would go out of his way to call and spend time with me, is gone. I was like talking to a stranger.

I broke up with him out of anger for lying to me.

Two weeks after, I asked why did he have to lie. No response.

I don't know what to do as this is my first time to encounter MLC. My dad didn't have this and none of my uncles had it too.

Oh, well.

[bluerose]

       If your " boyfriend" is married then you are the other woman and i have absolutely no sympathy for you. You should keep your story on your own thread. 

[bluerose]

    I also find it hard to believe that unsure if your an ow or not. He is married. Your an ow. Does that help?

[nah]

Ex said he's getting divorced, told me (almost) everything about his life including two kids (where they go to school, where he works, etc.). I haven't been to his house though because his divorce isn't final yet and his parents are against it.

You do realize that you are writing to all the wives, right?

What do you think our husbands said to the women who f*cked our husbands?

"my wife doesn't understand me, we have been living a lie for years, I never loved her like I love you,,,blah, blah, blah...."

You are that woman.

I, for one, don't want you to leave here.  I want to know your thought process b/c many of us want to know how another woman can be ok with destroying our families.  Your boyfriend is married with two kids??.... have you spoke to the wife?  Do you think she is evil/stupid/neglecting her husband? 

I really want to know.  You can be valuable here b/c we spend years questioning each other what might be going through the minds of people like you.

Maybe you really believe the things he is saying.  Maybe you are so selfish you might not care that a woman is heaving up a dry stomach due to the emotional pain she is in b/c of her lying, cheating husband and the woman that seems to be ok with helping him cause her pain.  Then she has to wipe her tears and force a smile b/c she has two innocent children that will be seriously messed up for their entire lives due to adults that only care about themselves.

Do you wonder about her?
Do you believe the words that come out of his mouth?
Are you in pain?
Do you want what she has?

This is your opportunity to do some good and take a step in the right direction.  Help us understand.

We have a million questions for you.

[waiting4]

Ex said he's getting divorced, told me (almost) everything about his life including two kids (where they go to school, where he works, etc.). I haven't been to his house though because his divorce isn't final yet and his parents are against it.

You do realize that you are writing to all the wives, right?

What do you think our husbands said to the women who f*cked our husbands?

"my wife doesn't understand me, we have been living a lie for years, I never loved her like I love you,,,blah, blah, blah...."

You are that woman.

I, for one, don't want you to leave here.  I want to know your thought process b/c many of us want to know how another woman can be ok with destroying our families.  Your boyfriend is married with two kids??.... have you spoke to the wife?  Do you think she is evil/stupid/neglecting her husband? 

I really want to know.  You can be valuable here b/c we spend years questioning each other what might be going through the minds of people like you.

Maybe you really believe the things he is saying.  Maybe you are so selfish you might not care that a woman is heaving up a dry stomach due to the emotional pain she is in b/c of her lying, cheating husband and the woman that seems to be ok with helping him cause her pain.  Then she has to wipe her tears and force a smile b/c she has two innocent children that will be seriously messed up for their entire lives due to adults that only care about themselves.

Do you wonder about her?
Do you believe the words that come out of his mouth?
Are you in pain?
Do you want what she has?

This is your opportunity to do some good and take a step in the right direction.  Help us understand.

We have a million questions for you.

I had to do a double take on this womans post.. unbelievable.. Thank you for your comments nah, you took the words right out of my mouth...

[Nas]

I, for one, don't want you to leave here.  I want to know your thought process

Agree, agree, agree, agree.

I know many will read and be enraged and I am begging - begging - please do not lash out so harshly that we scare her off.  We all have intense pain.  Hell, I've cycled back to extreme anger just this past week and have been dealing with that all over again, and when I first read this I thought, wow, I could not be reading this at a better time. 

Let's remember that we all have so many questions about the OP, how and why they could have done what they did and what they were thinking.  And now here it is in our laps, someone who could maybe shed some light.  And someone who is also clearly hurting and needs to understand what has gone on in her life for the past year and a half.  I hope we can all take a step back and be sure we're not taking our pain out on this poster. 

From what she writes, she didn't set out to ruin a marriage.  Yes, she may have made choices that we don't understand, and she may have made choices that she wasn't clearly seeing would hurt someone else, but we can help her see that as well.  And she can help us see how she came to those choices.

Her insights can help us tremendously.  And in turn, we can help her.  This is exactly what we all say we want, to understand each other so that these things can be better understood.
And to me, it sounds like her "boyfriend" fell in limerence with her and the limerence is fading.  He called her his "soulmate" for godsake, so to me it reads just like everything I've ever read on limerent affairs.

B, you might want to do some reading yourself on limerence and limerent affairs.  It could help you assess your situation a lot better as well. 

[ChrissYAH]

She sure seems really proud of herself that she's a home wrecker, UNfiretruckINGBELIEVABLE, my x married someone like her just last week, my 3 kids haven't stopped crying.

[bluerose]

     Thank you Chriss!!!! I for one am raging right now. I am so insulted that this piece of trash would post anything on this thread or this site for that matter. It is a slap in the face to all of us who have suffered from common gutter $l()ts like her.

[Nas]

I think it's important to remember there are all kinds of OW.  I didn't get that this woman felt proud.  I think she made a questionable decision to get involved with a lying cheater who told her his marriage was over.  I hope we can all be objective.

[Mitzpah]

Remember what it says on the top of this page and re-read the Mission Statement

Love each other, Love your Spouses and Love yourselves. The Unconditionals apply to everyone.