[stillbaffled]

Think I qualify to follow along
Married OW and moved to Memphis 7000 miles away to live the American dream
Even though he has 2 children no forwarding address given to children
Vanished ... Erased

SC x

Good to hear from you, SC!  I hope you and the kids are doing well and living life in a big way. 

I am not a bit surprised that you hear nothing at all from Team Memphis.  Mine lives 3 minutes from me and can go months or a year with no contact (unless he wants something from the property that is still here  ).     

[nah]

I often feel that he will be in my life again but not for years to come, and that’s ok. I may or may not be here.  But, I will stand whether he is living near me or away.

Some may say it's our imagination but our gut "feelings" more often than not seem to land right on target. 

Again and again and again, my "feelings' end up being right on target.

[ChrissYAH]

I also have a 'feeling' that he will try and return sometime in the distant future then I think he married her, so maybe its just my wishful thinking then I feel like I will never have anything to do with him what he did is evil I don't want to see him again.

[Shocked]

Nah and Treasur your writings are sooo close to my feelings! I am so disappointed that another LBS would dismiss our feelings because we have vanishers. It is not only hurtful but shocking!!! To say  “they are gone and we should be over it” is not only cruel but why should we not be saying to the same to her??? If her H is not giving her 100%, then setting for sharing their spouses is the noble thing to do? Why is she giving her H head space and just forgetting how she feels? 
Thunder please stay with us!!! You are always a voice reason!!!
Love to all my LBS with vanishers!!🤗

I do have one question, do you think at MLC remembers the day they BD like we do?

[ChrissYAH]

Yes Thunder please stay! u give me great comfort and remind me of whats truth.

[Not Applicable]

The funny this is, and this is my opinion only, I think the vanishers at least have a little more respect and they know we don't deserve what they are doing, so they can't even look at us.

Yes, it's your opinion, but what you are saying is you think your ex-husband has more respect for you than the spouses of those of us with clinging boomerangs have for us. You are saying our spouses think we deserve what they are doing. What you forget is that those clinging boomerangs are still our spouses and we have chosen to stay with them, and I will defend him as a wife naturally defends her husband from outside attacks.

[monty]

Treasur your words were exact to how I feel ,, I'm told to ignore and there's nothing I can do about the situation but it's hard too ,, he ripped my heart out and ran ,, ran as fast as he could and I don't exist anymore,, I've come so far but I can never think of moving on with another relationship, I don't go out I just work and me and my daughter have taken up running,, tortoise style, but we have run 3 half marathons and training for a full next year , something I never thought I would ever do , so I'm trying to move on in my own way ,, but when friends tell me they've seen him with her recently out it's a kick in the gut again ,, for 3 years he's been hiding her ,,it's hard because like u all have said people don't want to hear about it anymore not even a close friend,, no one knows until they are faced with it ,,

[monty]

I don't believe it's out of respect that they vanished,, he never respected me ,, it's full blown guilt .

[Treasur]

The funny this is, and this is my opinion only, I think the vanishers at least have a little more respect and they know we don't deserve what they are doing, so they can't even look at us.

Or that's their way of dealing with guilt? Or avoiding looking at reality? Or fear of our reaction? Or a way to exercise control? Or hidden anger? Or....No way to know, I think. We make a best guess based on what we see and know of our spouse, but maybe we can't know until further down the road.


Yes, it's your opinion, but what you are saying is you think your ex-husband has more respect for you than the spouses of those of us with clinging boomerangs have for us. You are saying our spouses think we deserve what they are doing. What you forget is that those clinging boomerangs are still our spouses and we have chosen to stay with them, and I will defend him as a wife naturally defends her husband from outside attacks.
I really hope we can all step back from 'my MLC spouse is better/worse/harder than yours'...I'm not sure it helps any of us, and I'm not sure it's true. All of our situations are painful and we are all trying to make sense of them the best way we can based on who we are and our own individual circumstances. The tough truth is that usually for at least a while, none of us can really know what our spouses think and feel, or what they will think or feel further down the line. We're all just doing the best we can to survive something terrible, look after ourselves and honour our spouses and marriages as best we can.

[Not Applicable]

To say  “they are gone and we should be over it” is not only cruel but why should we not be saying to the same to her??? If her H is not giving her 100%, then setting for sharing their spouses is the noble thing to do? Why is she giving her H head space and just forgetting how she feels? 

I can choose to look at the glass as half empty, or half full, and I choose the latter. That's all.

But if the glass was empty, it would be empty. I'm not saying you have it easy and that it doesn't hurt, but from a practical standpoint, I think the choice about what to DO would be pretty straightforward.

I have a friend who married at 19 and by the age of 35 had 5 kids and was  stay at home mom. Her husband divorced her and vanished. I don't know if it was MLC but she told me he was bipolar and he truly dropped off the face of the earth to her and the kids for 7 whole years and remarried during that time. 6 months after she was divorced, the ex-wife of a wealthy neurosurgeon actually suggested she might make a good wife for her ex-husband. They were introduced over the phone on a Tuesday, and she told him I'm fat, 35 years old, have 5 kids, you wouldn't want me. But he was a very religious man and wanted to marry someone who needed him and they married the next Saturday and he took on full responsibility for supporting her kids, paying for them to  go to private school, etc.  What would she have gained by standing for her ex? What would her kids have had to endure?