[monty]

Eventually if we find love ,someone that feels right I think we should give it our all , I hope I find that one day ,, cause we all deserve love and happiness and I think that's the time we should let them go ,they have their chance and sometimes I feel why the hell should they come back after so many years pretending to have put up with sxxt and been living in hell, with a younger women who performs what ever sex act on them and that's hell , , they have taken years away from us but we should make sure we have the strength to make the right decision, I hope one day I let this pain go and find what I deserve in life and that karma bus . Don't get me wrong I will always love him ,,, but the hurt xx

[Still Half full]

I'm following along, these threads help me keep my sanity 😊 we feel like a sub group within a sub group

I like it when everyone posts here, whether they have a vanishing type or not, because I think any support and advice can help, but I don't understand why anyone would post unhelpful, unsupportive things on this thread, the title explains what this thread is about 😳

Anyway back to the topic

I agree with Nah ( again 😄 ) in my situation

Forget us?  They can try but unless they have complete amnesia, they can't just forget 20, 25, 30 years of their lives.

I keep bringing this up but he TOLD me that he thinks of me everyday, the funny thing is he said it like it was my fault, he was mad and yelling, "DO YOU THINK THIS HAS BEEN EASY FOR ME?  I THINK OF YOU AND THE LIFE WE HAD EVERY SINGLE DAY!"

Do you really think the MLCer never has a trigger?  Sights, sounds, smells, people, places, things that remind them of us?  Even if they moved to the other side of the world, it doesn't matter, we are inside of them, just like they are inside of us.

So they hide and try to shove the memories to the backs of their minds

I think mine remembers some of the details around BD, I think his fogginess was more when I'd discovered the texting to OW but before I realised how serious it was 😔 that was when he seemed very muddled, forgetful, angry and he drank too much

I think he probably remembers a lot about BD ( I'd found out about his PA and told him to leave, which had been the thing he was dreading ) I think those fews weeks after he left are jumbled for him and doubt he can remember much, he was running with his head down, ashamed, and consumed with guilt, straight into OW's waiting arms

In the early days he told me that he missed me all the time, that he even got upset in the supermarket when he saw the things I like 😳. He also said he argued with OW all the time because she knew he still loved me ( well if he's crying in the supermarket when they're starting their shiny new life together I'm sure that would bother OW 😂 )

Even though he's pretty much a NC vanisher I think my H probably thinks about me a lot, and also because I work for him, that's the only contact we have at the moment, I imagine my name is mentioned often by his colleagues but he refuses to discuss me. I think that's him trying to block the thoughts of me, he just can't face what he's done

I think mine tries not to think about me because he regrets what he did, hence the drinking. He's too weak and ashamed to do anything about the situation, but I don't think he's forgotten about me

[monty]

I'm sorry if the truth I wrote is classed as negativity, but unlike my vanisher I do not live in la la land ,, and as this thread is about is vanishers ,, so I don't know what he thinks about every day cause I have no contact ,, but I do believe his life is not all bad ,, the other women isn't bending his arm backwards when he takes her out and puts comments on media sites on how hot she looks ,, so I apologise if my words are not all up beat ,  this is how I feel MLc is absolute sxxt

[Treasur]

No need to apologise, monty - it sucks and we all have good days and bad. I choose not to snoop on social media because it doesn't help me and it doesn't change anything. What I think, feel and do is more important, and trusting my own gut instinct rather than other's opinions.

I have no idea if my STBXH is happy or thinks about me at all or any of those 18 years together. What I can see is that none of this is normal for him or for a normal marriage breakdown - there is just too much crazy s$it and it has stayed crazy for too long. All I can do is accept that my STBXH lost the plot, accept that there is f**k all I can do about that and not let myself be overwhelmed by it too. I genuinely don't know what will happen to him but after 2 years now I accept that it is out of my hands.

[Onward]

Catching up with much interest and sense of deja vu after my own little vanishing act from the forum.

My H is (mostly) a Vanisher.
In my opinion, every flavour of MLC/MLC-like abandonment/disposal/discard/disregard has its own special bitterness.

On some levels I'm grateful I don't have to try to make sense of the nonsense through regular contact, or the antics of a clinging or even moderate boomerang. But the silence of the Chamber of Unanswered Questions that is life post BD by a Vanisher is no fun either.

[Treasur]

The Chamber of Unanswered Questions

Perfect description of Vanisher life  Maybe it's a contrast with the The Hall of Crazy Mirrors of a Boomerang? Or The Cesspit of Despair of a Wallower? Or The Bedroom(s) of Bravado for a High-Energy Replayer?

[ChrissYAH]

I will never get how they carry on like every things normal? dump their families like they're strangers and move on.

[bluerose]

     I dont know if they remember anything from bd or not but i think by them not being able to look us in the face and avoid us says alot.
      In august of last year, after barely any contact for 8 months,  the coward text me and wanted a face to face with me. I agreed and within an hour he was at my door. He wanted to talk about visitation with d13 and finances.  He never brought up either subject. He did however bring up that he wasnt happy, thought about me all the time, missed me, he and the ow were having regrets, he cant stand her kid, called the kid retarded, didnt desire her, would have no problem shipping her off back to where she came from and cutting all contact off with her to fix our marriage. He barely tried for a month. Then was gone again.
    For 5 months there was no visits, text or calls to even d13. Until i filed for child support. He had 2 years of no financial responsibility. He spent his money on him and what he wanted. Not reality. Then the child support kicked in snd the divorce is final and the spousal support has kicked in. His work slows down in the winter and pretty much goes on unemployment every winter. This winter wull be different this year because he has responsibility again. Hello realitity!!
    Him and d13 have to go to court ordered assessments now . During these assessments he has spent the whole time bad mouthing me. If he has spent this long not thinking about me then why is he talking about me so much, even if its negative? Because he is still trying to justify what he has done. D13 told me that she feels he misses me or what we had .  A 13 year old girl feels this way. So yes, i do feel that they do think of us. We just dont see or hear it much, but its there. No matter how much they run, its there.

[Still Half full]

I'm sorry if the truth I wrote is classed as negativity, but unlike my vanisher I do not live in la la land ,,

Monty - I hope you think my comments were directed at you. I was cross with what GIG had posted a few days earlier, I was late catching up with this thread

Your post was saying how you feel, which is what this place is for 😊

[monty]

Thankyou still half full, and treasure . To all of you you have make me smile through this xx