[Rising Phoenix]

. For me, i will not reach out. I have had my face and hands slapped enough to do it again. If i did reach out it would be looked at by him and the wh*r^ as a joke. Look at her she still cant move on. I refuse to keep being a joke. I believe that anything you do good or bad towards them doesnt matter in the end.

I agree bluerose, that’s is how I feel. I have tried that many times and so I have made children with no response  which hurts , so I won’t put myself through it any longer. Ow monitors all of h’s emails etc so I don’t even know if he would see them and from her stupid social media quotes she would enjoy each time I contacted and another quote would go on. No for me I won’t rwach out either xx

[Tyks]

Bluerose and rp, I agree. There are only so many times you can bang your head against the wall. I am done with it... he gets what he wants which is to think of me as dead.

[bluerose]

      Sad isnt it. How someone you have shared so much of your life with cant remember anything good about you and hate you so much.

[Rising Phoenix]

It is blue rose and to re write it all and see nothing of their actions and its every lbs fault. To act as if f I am d as within 10 minutes of I love you I need you! Ow caught us and 10 min later I was dead to him and loathes me apparently and not seen or spoken to him since. So be it.

I am an attractive woman where as ow is not as for ow to be 16 yrs younger she looks more of the same age although I do look you for my age but I do feel I have aged considerably in the last 3 yrs. I am a kind loving person and love my family but I can no longer waste head space on him or her. He had it all and threw it away, he was handed his family and life on a plate several times and threw it back in my face. His loss, I have grieved and although sometimes grief gets the better of me still I am moving forward and the pain becomes less over time. I don’t think it will ever fully go but it is less and I can go with that. Xx
 

[nah]

Is it that they are harboring anger after several years or is the control of the other woman?

I suspected (but never asked) that the girl might keep close tabs.

Last time we had contact I was asking about insurance and he “forgot” the information I had sent him. I wrote back, “scroll up, I sent it last week.”  He wrote back that he “deletes” old messages so he doesn’t have hundreds.  Yeah, right. So apparently he hides our contact even if it is only about finances.

[stillbaffled]

 I agree Nah.  I certainly don't discount the control of the OW in my case.  I think she has lots and I've thought since BD that she has lots of power.  She BDed her husband the day after my MLer blew up our lives.  That's planning.  I would guess she kept on him and the minute she got what she'd been pushing for, she blew up her life with her husband. 

Mine probably just hates it when he meets me on the highway (like this morning on my way to church) and then thinks......"Crap....she really isn't dead."   

I know I am in the minority here in that I never have, and still don't, feel the least bit sorry for my MLer.  Others often comment that they "see" the pain and agony their MLer is going through.  I've not seen any pain and agony because of course mine avoids me.  Maybe that's why I don't feel sorry for him and what he's "going through". 

[bluerose]

    Im with you SB, i dont feel sorry for the coward. Not one bit.

[nah]

I waver between feeling sorry and not.

I don't doubt even a sliver that his life is a complete mess BUT even if it's MLC/depression/FOO issues/whatever, I still believe he had choices and he still has choices yet he chooses to wallow and point fingers and wallow some more.

Now maybe my case is different but I know for sure (due to grapevine and things I have witnessed over the years) that she is very controlling, insecure and keeps close tabs BUT.... she is scared to death of me.

We have only been in the same room twice (once at a funeral, once by accident) and BOTH times she turned away when I spoke to The Leaver, turned bright red and bowed her head to the floor until I walked away.

Can't imagine the reaming he got both times after I left.... 

[CallingHeart]

I don't hear from my ghost at all.  Not even low contact.

I do like the idea of me saying hey G (ghost) I'm starting some home remodeling and I still have those side tables your uncle made. Would you like them back?

[nah]

The first year post BD, I put together a photo album of pictures from when he was a baby to our last vacation.  He didn't respond for weeks until I asked him if he received it (I knew that he did weeks ago as I had the delivery receipt), he angrily came back that I only sent the photos to make him feel guilty.

Two years ago I sent him a Santa Clause that his grandmother made and some stockings that my mother made.  He just responded "Thank you, that was nice".

Then when we were arguing a few months ago he finger pointed that I only contact him when he owes me money... 

I reminded him of the Christmas presents and he stopped yelling, "Oh yeah, that was really nice of you" (You could have knocked me over, he actually calmed down and started talking nice to me again )

Baby steps.