Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: kikki on May 12, 2013, 12:00:56 AM
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Time for a new thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3521.0
First MLC script thread.
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OMG!! Just read the whole of thread 1 ... can't believe I missed that ... but found this thank goodness! So many familiar things ... here's i or 2 snippets from Mr Musica ...
I feel I have a wall around me ...
I know it is the right thing to do (staying with his family) but I can't seem to do it ...
I have demons in my head, and I need to move out to sort my head out ...
We are amicable aren't we? (yes the good old amicable!)
Can we be reasonable about this? (about him leaving his family to have an affair with 'friend' from 28 years ago)
She always loved me ... she had an abortion 28 years ago and it was my child ... (she was actually sleeping with several at the time ... anyone's guess who's child ... if that was even true)
She says she will give me all her money ...
R & K got divorced and they are friends now ... why can't we be friends? (Errr ... no OW or OM involved there ... they agreed to divorce.)
R's kids wrote to him and told him they were really happy for him now he's married again to someone else ... (see above!) Kids are all grown up and moved as far away as possible!!
Can we just move on ? ... go ahead H, leave me alone, I would be happier then!
Probably lots more will come to mind ... as well as all the usuals!!
Great thread
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Just before he left on our way back from a family holiday:
I'm scared of having therapy, I'm scared I will find out I'm an a$$hole
Me: oh honey, you're not an a$$hole
H: see I don't trust you, it's not like you to say something nice ... Wtf???
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Just remembered another corker:
I am half the man I could be today because of you :o ::) ???
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While visiting the kids during the three months where they spent not one single night with her:
"It was like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. I was at the bottom of the ocean drowning and now I've risen to the top."
Shedding parenting responsibilities could do that for a person, I assume. Don't plan to ever find out for myself but hey.
To D12, later confirmed by D20 - "Daddy likes Britney Spears. I could never stay with someone who liked her." That said, the ONLY Britney Spears songs in my possession are from the CD she borrowed from lawyer boy who had spent money actually buying the CD and loaned it to her to rip to the hard drive.
"You watch football and wrestling and play video games. Who that is your age actually does those things?!?" Well, according to the Entertainment Sofware Association (governing body of video games) the average age for gamers is 36 and 37% of gamers in this country are older than that. So, 37% of a multi-billion dollar market = A Hell of a lot of people, actually. And we won't even get into percentages who watch football and wrestling......
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You pushed me away!
You don't know what intimacy is!
You treated me like sh!t on your shoe for 15 years and I decided that I deserve better. And as I am finding out WAY BETTER!
( footnotes from Ds 10 and 13: "Way better" involves OW texting him from behind a closed bedroom door and insisting he do chores. Him sleeping in a chair surrounded by a messy disaster with sad boredom hanging in the air. No one speaks to each other and it is really horrible. He mumbles swear words and OW gives him dirty looks)
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"I need to heal." (on why I should never kiss him or say I love you again)
"Why did I feel so alone?!" (why he had to have sexual relations with a leathery hag in tent)
"I should have thought harder about that" (On marrying me)
"That's my personal business!!" (his affair - and this was his stock response for family about it, too)
"Well...I'm just not really seeing your changes. You can't just watch a few episodes of Joel Osteen and change."
"I see you..." (first time seeing me after BD2, and all of a sudden "Avatar" broke out)
"Mom and Dad were out all night, so finally I had the place to myself for 'batch'n it'." ("batch'n" being short for staying home in his mom's house, acting like a bachelor - apparently this is how his single friends from the insurance place he worked at spoke. Not really script, but I had to include it. Note: this same night he wrote some hot checks that by Monday morning his mother had to cover. ::))
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I thought of one.
H - That was in the past and why do you keep bringing it up? (on his affair(s) that were still going on. Like, ok, that happened yesterday so that makes it a thing of the past never to be talked about again???)
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On a field trip Friday to D13 "You're crazy aunt up north texted me and said I should divorce mommy and get custody of you. I don't want that. Do you?"
::) :o :o :o :o :o :o :o
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Kiki
This is ingenius. This thread is like that live scroll going across outside Penn Station in NYC you read the crawl and the daily news as it happens.
When we're busy we jump in here, write what the MLCer just said, read the others and jump out again! Hysterical and oh so helpful! ;)
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H ... what you did wasn't very nice ( I picked up D and forgot to tell his mother I was getting her)
Me ... You are hilarious ... like leaving your family three times, betraying your wife, lying and cheating are nice?? You have been doing lots of things that aren't very nice since 2009. ... stop lecturing me and look at yourself H ... you are a hypocrite ...
Silence
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I'm not sure about anyone else but I still have the MLC sentences pop into my head randomly all the time? Kind of like flashbacks :(
You make me feel like my parents made me feel
You're not like normal wives who support their Hs
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I'm not sure about anyone else but I still have the MLC sentences pop into my head randomly all the time? Kind of like flashbacks :(
Very normal. Sometimes a trigger will do it or it just comes from out of nowhere. The irony is they probably can't remember saying half of this stuff, but we'll never be able to forget it.
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mine ...
I cant live with you as ....
You cook too much rice/pasta when you make Indian/Italian dishes - you are wasteful
When you drive you stop in the bike lane and thats dangerous (i said Id only done that at midnight when we were the only car on the road) - he said what about the bikes !! (I said there were no bikes) he said there could have been - I gave up
I AM NEVER coming back (event when I wasn't asking him anything that required this reply - once I laughed and said who asked you too?
- not had this for over 2 years
I need freedom to be myself as I am a perfectionist ?? (Never witnessed perfection or even the attempt by him in 26 years in anyway - more slap dash?)
You are always so mean to me (Have gotten this one a lot until I said to him Oct '12 - what a ridiculous thing to say stop it!! If anything I am nice to you - you are mean to me) Not said it since ? - it fitted me to say this as it came out of nowhere and really had nothing to do with me being anything with him was just giving his some info ...
He's mad at cycling said I cant live here anymore I have cycled all the lanes and need new lanes to cycle
You are too tidy
To Daughter;
When his mother died - I am now (father died 10 years ago and he had a miserable relationship with his Mother and she was I feel someone with a narcissistic personality disorder ) all alone in the world I don't have anyone now who loves me - Lucky Daughter know he isn't normal
I am now a vegetarian (ate steak the following week D said I thought you were a now a vegetarian he said I was last week) :o
We have been unhappy for a long time - in fact I cant remember when I was ever happy (Only 4 months before was my birthday and he had written,"Happy BD Bewildered - You make me so happy - I love you so much xxxxxxxxx blah blah Birthdays were always big things to him (He now says to kids when they ask him what he is doing for his BD I don't do Birthdays anymore BUT every Birthday of mine he sent me bar 2012 a HD message text BUT forgot daughters 21st!!? In 2012 he was protesting as again I was mean to him sent a text meant for my daughter's boyfriend sent to H by mistake (BF has the same name as my H and similar surname) who was in Peru and asking if I could do something for him - i replied "We can sort out everything when you come home - don't worry it will all work out"
Saw H for a lunch - was very nice he wore clothes I had bought him the week before he left which at the time he had said he hated and was taking back to the shop and then during our lunch - I said " Oh re the text I sent a few days ago I meant that to go to X but sent to you by mistake as Id just replied to you about todays arrangement but I guess you knew it was a mistake sorry !!' - his reply "no i thought it was for me :o :o :o :o then a few months later before my BD he brought it up again and said you are so mean to me! So no BD message the following week ...
there are more but funnily i am forgetting them -
Maybe Ill forget these too - Hope so xx
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Your "role" in all of this Mama Bear is to be 'my bestest friend in the whole wide world' :o :o :o
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Just after we broke up the second time. 'I want what everyone has; ever lasting love'
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'If I had known you were going to be THIS bad, I never would have had children with you'
'When you cooked you just cooked stuff and didn't even care what I would have liked and gave me scraps'.....OMG! - what a joke.
'But you were happy doing family stuff'
'I don't want to wake up in 10 years time and realise I have done nothing with my life' - what a total insult.
'When I go out, I like to go out very late - you are boring for wanting to come home at the end of the evening'
'I think you need to go out and get yourself financially independent from me'
'I have found a glimpse of happiness, and I can see now what it is like'
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I was crying on the couch for 10 years!
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I have to say that all the cooking ones really make me laugh. Cook too much, cook too little, cook too much rice/pasta, cook and feed me scraps, cook this, cook that.......
I still vote for the Stockholm Syndrome as the king of them all. I must say that that one takes the cake. The cake, of course that wasn't cooked right.
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Just remembered one from ages ago ...
You're the best at being you, but I've had you for 22 years and now I want something different.
And another ... I'm going to build a log cabin in the field to live in. Or ... We should buy two houses near each other so I can be free to do what I want.
Can't I live here and still see OW?
The girls don't need me any more, none of you need me, I might as well not be here.
Oh the memories!!
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Just remembered one from ages ago ...
You're the best at being you, but I've had you for 22 years and now I want something different.
And another ... I'm going to build a log cabin in the field to live in. Or ... We should buy two houses near each other so I can be free to do what I want.
Can't I live here and still see OW?
The girls don't need me any more, none of you need me, I might as well not be here.
Oh the memories!!
Trying to insert a quote. Still learning this stuff. Anyway in reference to above, no wonder exH wanted me to stay in the house while he stayed in the apartment over the garage. He got the best of both worlds.
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That reminds me two that happened at the same time--as I look back--probably the beginning of his years of discontent (wish it was just a winter of discontent)
I don't like any of my clothes. Yet nothing I bought him new was what he wanted either.
I'd like to live next to each other in a duplex.
A few years later he said, when I was stressed about a serious personnel problem at work,
You need to see a psychiatrist.
That is one of the warning signs in "The Script", the book that describes the mind and stages and thinking of the person having an affair. Great book that was spot on for what I experienced.
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Well I thought I had heard and seen it all, but last night I got a call on MY cell phone for the OW! Really???
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I am not responding to my H's clingy contact, as a week ago he told me he wanted me out of his life and our business and that he loved the OW. Fair enough Bursty. Careful what you wish for.
Last night I received this email from him:
Just wanted to say - Thank you for being such a great mother to those boys.
It;'s not been easy and you have done a great job.
I used to be sucked in by these from him. Now all I think is that he is assuaging his guilt, so that he can continue with his sordid new life.
And the 'it's not been easy' doesn't really even acknowledge who it's not been easy for. Him no doubt.
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And another ... I'm going to build a log cabin in the field to live in. Or ... We should buy two houses near each other so I can be free to do what I want.
Can't I live here and still see OW?
The girls don't need me any more, none of you need me, I might as well not be here.
This made me laugh, Musica...just swap girls for boys and they could be auditioning for the same role ;D
I, too, got that I should see a psychiatrist, Reinventing, when I said I was having difficulty understanding WTH is going on
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Letting Goes H said "Even when I am over there at OWs, I am more here with you than there with her." and "It's easier to live with people you don't care about!" :o :o :o
May have gotten it off a few words but you get the gist. 8)
Actually makes sense on some insane level!
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Letting Goes H said "Even when I am over there at OWs, I am more here with you than there with her." and "It's easier to live with people you don't care about!" :o :o :o
Hey mama - I know this is not a competition, but credit where credit is due - that was Bursty who said 'Even when I am over there at OWs, I am more here with you than there with her' ;D ;D ;D Whatever the heck that meant.
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This thread has given me a much needed giggle this evening!
Having just had H in close proximity these last two weeks, here are some of the 'script' we didnt get at BD 1 and 2:
'but you know I can't be on my own' - when challenged (by Ds) as to why he had involved himself with someone else, if it was not the reason for leaving! This from the man who was going to live like a hermit at BD1.
H: 'you are so special'
Me: 'not special enough'
H: 'no you are too special'
'we were coasting along in our relationship, with no challenges to keep it alive', this was closely followed with 'we fought all the time'.
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Does anyone remember the line of brilliance from BonBon's H - something like his reason for leaving was that she couldn't dig ditches. She apparently had a bad back at the time :o :o :o
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My favorites are still the one who asked his W of OW could move in and sleep at the foot of their bed, reasoning that she could help with the children and house chores and the one who offered to let his W meet the OW stating that he was sure she would like her because he did. In what universe does this make sense?
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I don't remember if I posted this already or not, (menopausal brain!)
H - We've tried and tried to work things out and nothing ever changes.
Me - ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? Uh, just when did we have these discussions and was I conscious???
H- I will never regret having S10. (oh but you regret everything else about the last 14 years??)
H - I just want you to know that I'm really enjoying the silence in my house. ( I guess the voices in his head were getting too loud!)
H- Its easy for me to keep my house clean. (uh, lets see. We have three people living in my house and you only have you. I guess he expects a medal for cleaning up after only himself?)
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And another one ...
No you can't give me that for my birthday because I don't deserve it ... (this was when H was 50 I got him a great present, which he would have loved, but after that comment, I cancelled it ... and he was right, he didn't deserve it I discovered later.)
New Years Eve, H says, I'd like to be somewhere with some friends now ... (he was home with me and Ds) We told him to go then ... he managed to stay till 11pm then went to his Mums! Maybe she's his best friend!
Unbelievable ... its all coming back to me now ... he says I should find someone else, because I have a great body, and it shouldn't go to waste! Was I supposed to say thanks for that one?
I never made you any promises Musica ... 22 years is a long time, don't you want to find someone different now too? ( he thinks getting married didn't involve promises)
My uncle had 2 families and it worked out fine. ( he never saw his uncle, and I know it wasn't fine at all)
Can't I just have a year off? I need some space, some freedom, a year off would be good ... (that was in 2009.)
I know I'm responsible for my actions, but you are the cause? You make me do things, you make me angry, and I do things I regret. I know I'm responsible, but its your fault!
You gotta laugh!
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I don't remember if I posted this already or not, (menopausal brain!)
H - We've tried and tried to work things out and nothing ever changes.
Me - ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? Uh, just when did we have these discussions and was I conscious???
H- I will never regret having S10. (oh but you regret everything else about the last 14 years??)
H - I just want you to know that I'm really enjoying the silence in my house. ( I guess the voices in his head were getting too loud!)
H- Its easy for me to keep my house clean. (uh, lets see. We have three people living in my house and you only have you. I guess he expects a medal for cleaning up after only himself?)
"I've been working on this marriage for two years and I can't go on any longer." Really? Where was I?
"I've been planning this for two years (yes, it contradicts the first) and now I'm executing my master plan" which must have been to stay at home for 6 weeks, then move to her parents and eventually to the house her dad owned that still wasn't ready when she moved in. All this while being completely broke due to paying her dad rent before she moved in and paying the down payment on the car she paid at least 50% too much for. I'm kind of glad I didn't rely on her to make any plans of mine......
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Last week -
Me: Just a question. When you said your marriage vows all of those years ago, did you take them seriously?
H: Why on earth would I have done that, we're not our parents!!!
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Wow Kikki! Do they think they can just call "olly, olly all in free" and make the marriage go away??
You can't make this stuff up!
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He wanted me to feel sorry for what he was going through having to party with the OW--"It doesn't feel right going out without you."
Then why are you going out with another woman instead of me?
"I'm the designated driver."
"For a year and a half you never did this. I wanted you to quit doing that."
Then why didn't you say something?
"I was testing you."
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Still Kicking, that is amazing. When I look back, I feel I was being tested (gaslighted) as well! Wow! Nothing like a fantasy side relationship to let you "test" someone else!
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H: I've been unhappy for the last 5 years.
Me: Why did you marry me two years ago?
H: I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
H: I'm happier now that I've lost all the things I've worked for.
Me: No you're not. Your just buying new things.
H: No. The new things are all downgrades from what I had.
H: (regarding choking me and tossing me around the kitchen like a rag doll) I'm sorry that happened but it was just all that pent up anger and rage from the last 5 years.
I was drunk and can barely remember what happened. How do I not know that you attacked me first?
We talked to S. I said I was sorry that he saw that. It's over now.
H: Nothing is going on between us. The boys (s and OW s) like to play together.
(One week later) H: Thingd have changed. I know and feel a connection between us.
H: You've never supported me.
H: We've become roommates.
H: We both had trust issues.
H: I hope you get a boyfriend soon so you can be happy and be ok with me and OW.
H: Mark my words, in a couple of years from now, you and your b/f and me and OW will all be standing in the kitchen drinking glasses of wine.
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I too felt like I had been tested...a workplace performance appraisal if you like and, oh dear, I failed ... Even though I never knew the criteria had changed!
But here's a few more I remembered
I've just been going through the motions
I just can't go back to that relationship
I don't know what the future holds and that frightens
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He said once about 1 year post BD "It was a dark, dark place I left when I ran away from you and I am NEVER going back there." :o :o :o
Today he's texting "My phone is fixed did I tell you..? You should start texting me again!" :o :o :o
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A few others I can remember:
'You will never change - I've kept telling you but nothing happens'
'The children will just want me to be happy'
'Why can't you see we haven't got on for years'
'Now I know why I spent so much time working in my garage'
'We are just two people who share a house'..........we weren't, but we are now!
'I realise now why I had to buy things all the time' - he has his freedom from me and he is still buying things .duh.
'Maybe you should give me all the money back that I have wasted on you in the last 5 years whilst you sat at home doing nothing' - the sitting at home doing nothing was raising his two children...
'Go out this Saturday and find someone for yourself'
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A lot of priceless statments filled with confusion. :o
Think one of my worst ones it this one:
"The reason why I dont speak to you is that you dont listen."
My reply:
"The only thing I want to is to listen, to understand."
Her reply: .............. Silence!
Can you say stupid!
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Upon getting a phone call from OW informing me of their affair, "See what you made me do!"
"I completely accept responsibility for my part..I didn't know any other way to behave given the circumstances."
"I don't want this kind of relationship with you." (day after climbing into bed with me)
"I know what kind of person I am and I wouldn't have acted like this if there weren't a good reason."
"I've done more for your than you have for yourself!"
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"You watch football and wrestling and play video games. Who that is your age actually does those things?!?"
Them's fightin' words!! That's my weekend!!
I "loved" it when my H said to me, "We're just roommates, and I am sick of it!" He seemed to be overlooking the not-unimportant fact that he stopped sleeping with me in our bedroom. One night, months before, he slept on the couch and made it permanent after that. No argument or discussion or anything. But he yelled like it had been my idea, somehow, and he was really letting me have it over that. Poor guy. I guess a good wife would've started sleeping on the floor next to the couch?
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Hoss was a coucher too! Probably for the better part of a year at least. He had that "burning aura" that couldn't be touched (accept by everyone that wasn't me). We had a sectional, and eventually just grabbed my pillow and hit the other side every time he would do it. Drove him MAD. He got very Linus-like over his quilt that I was not to touch (that is still in my blanket chest. ::)), and I suspect missed out on a lot of late-night Skype lovin' while he listened to me saw the z's. :::sad clown:::
I think I might have just realized that mine might be the first MLCer with a woobie blanket. Any others?!
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Coucher here too, but not until three weeks after BD and after the last time we made love. Like a fool I thought everything was fine given that we both really seemed to enjoy it but rather than lay in bed holding each other she just got up and proclaimed that she should start sleeping on the couch and did. There was only one time I can think of after that she has ever lay on a bed with me and it was when she came to visit the kids and S8 (then S6) either got hurt or was sick and asked us to lay down in bed with him. She stayed on the couch for 3 weeks before moving to her.......parents couch now that I think of it, then into her childhood bedroom for a couple months.
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My H actually brought me a king size bed to put in the other room saying that my snoring was keeping him awake. The creepy thing is that I think the bed belonged to ow at one point and when she divorced (yes she was married too) and moved to our area she didn't have room for it.
I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
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EEWWW Slow Fade
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Woo hoo mine was a coucher too for 18 months!
H said he didn't want to sleep next to someone who he didn't know what she would do next. What???
Perhaps he thought I might kill him dead in his sleep......WITH MY FACE !!!
Sd
X
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EEWWW Slow Fade
Seconded! Whenever I think of any OW I think of that horrible pic that someone posted on FB with the girl posing in a cop costume on the bathroom sink. Yuck!
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I know, right? The only thing that keeps me sane is that I don't know for sure......I just put a mattress cover on it. The lab takes up most of the bed anyway.( If the lab was female I could say there was still a b*tch sleeping in it!!! ):o :o
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M y h continued to sleep in the bed the whole time............when i was studying for my finals at uni............so as not to disturb h at stupip o clock..........i slept downstairs..........h came looking for me and said why you sleeping down here come to bed you after go to work soon.........i did and he did that balancing act that many MLCers do........teetering on the edge of the bed away from me like i had the dreaded LURGY.........IN FACT i just thought if had known about o/w then i would have kicked h right in his goolies for having the damn cheek to treat me like i had the lurgy when he was the one putting me at risk of STDs >:( >:( >:( xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Yes, the clinging to the edge of the mattress...
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Hi All! I'm back!
Genius said to me, "We just can't be together. We have fundamental differences."
Me: Really? What are these fundamental differences?
Genius: "For one, you don't like horror movies."
Me: Actually I said they scare me.
Genius: "So of course that means you don't like them. We could never watch them."
Me: When did you want to watch one?
Genius: "Well I know I probably did at some point in the last 12 years. And you did not let me. So I am mad now."
Me: I see. Are there other fundamental differences we have?
Genius: "Damn don't be so obtuse. Of course there are."
Me: OK, what are they?
Genius: "Well, you don't like storms and I do."
Me: I see. And what makes you think I don't like them?
Genius: "Well, you slept througth the one when the tree fell on the house."
Me: You weren't even home that night.
Genius: Well if I had been, I would not have slept through that probably. I would have been sexually aroused by the storm because that is what happens to us free spirits. And you didn't even try to stop it. Look at the money that cost the insurance co.
Me: I see. You expected me to have been awake for a 3am Microburst, be sexually aroused while alone and prevented a 50ft tall pine tree from falling on the house all in the 4 minutes it took the storm to go through the area?
Genius: Yes, if you valued our home. You never even tried. That is why I love storms and you don't.
Me: And when did you become a free spirit?
Genius: I have always been one.
(This from the man who goes to bed at the same time everyday no matter what, eats the same dinner 5 of 7 days a week, awakens at the same time everyday, has a Monday, Tuesday, etc suit, writes daily lists of things to do, complained the night before that going to the movies was not on his list of things to do so could not be done, works out at the same time everyday, and complained I am too spontaneous. Yep a real free spirit there.)
The next sound was the dial tone. He hung up because I was being obtuse and stupid.
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Is anyone still doubting that this is a mental illness?
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LP...that has got to be the best conversation I have seen yet, I bow to you!! I will now forever think of home owner's insurance commercials as MLC porn.
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My H yesterday ... Why can't you change the way you think, accept what I want and let me come in and cook for you all? Me .. Why can't you change the way you think H ?
I have about an hours worth of conversation from yesterday all MLC speak ! (On my thread) too much to copy here, you'd be bored its so repetitive!
X
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lawprofessor,
that was ssooo funny.
X
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These remind me this is a MLC !
For the first two years - I am coming up to 4 years end of next month I thought my H had lost his mind!!! When I read these I know he has but he's got company ;D
Some more I remembered,
Went running with D(20 at the time) who was a beginner and ran off leaving her in the middle of a rough area of a major city she took a cab back to their starting place - he arrived soon after and when she said Dad why did you run off and leave me " we'll I'm faster than you" he did it again weeks later - this time she shouted non stop at him and he turned around and looked shocked as if he forgot she was with him
Also went on a short bike ride to have someone ring him 4 hours later - he was still peddling 75 mikes from his start and was supposed to be in a meeting, his reply when asked by colleague on his return by train "Oh it was a nice day for cycling but I'm tired now "
He told me also I needed therapy because he'd changed and I needed to deal with it
He couldn't live with me either because we liked different films but couldn't when I asked recall any
Crazy
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LP, you made my morning! Perhaps you should add to the LBS script thread "I should have stopped that tree from falling" and "I should have gotten turned on by storms." And all this came from an educated man. Pure madness!!
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Hi All! I'm back!
Genius said to me, "We just can't be together. We have fundamental differences."
Me: Really? What are these fundamental differences?
Genius: "For one, you don't like horror movies."
Me: Actually I said they scare me.
Genius: "So of course that means you don't like them. We could never watch them."
Me: When did you want to watch one?
Genius: "Well I know I probably did at some point in the last 12 years. And you did not let me. So I am mad now."
Me: I see. Are there other fundamental differences we have?
Genius: "Damn don't be so obtuse. Of course there are."
Me: OK, what are they?
Genius: "Well, you don't like storms and I do."
Me: I see. And what makes you think I don't like them?
Genius: "Well, you slept througth the one when the tree fell on the house."
Me: You weren't even home that night.
Genius: Well if I had been, I would not have slept through that probably. I would have been sexually aroused by the storm because that is what happens to us free spirits. And you didn't even try to stop it. Look at the money that cost the insurance co.
Me: I see. You expected me to have been awake for a 3am Microburst, be sexually aroused while alone and prevented a 50ft tall pine tree from falling on the house all in the 4 minutes it took the storm to go through the area?
Genius: Yes, if you valued our home. You never even tried. That is why I love storms and you don't.
Me: And when did you become a free spirit?
Genius: I have always been one.
(This from the man who goes to bed at the same time everyday no matter what, eats the same dinner 5 of 7 days a week, awakens at the same time everyday, has a Monday, Tuesday, etc suit, writes daily lists of things to do, complained the night before that going to the movies was not on his list of things to do so could not be done, works out at the same time everyday, and complained I am too spontaneous. Yep a real free spirit there.)
The next sound was the dial tone. He hung up because I was being obtuse and stupid.
Pure gold. :)
I'm going to add an edit here. On reading the above I laughed but I've just gone back and looked at your earlier posts, in the light of which the above is anything but funny. This man is unwell and dangerous. I hope you have a safe distance between him and you, LP. Take care.
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And all of us keep a safe distance. Safe for our health and well being.
Just a thought about how suddenly all this gibberish came flooding out. I have a low tolerance for BS artists. Anyone for that matter who flies by the seat of their pants and gets mad and has a pity party when the caviar is too cold! lol
So letting them fester and not have our company is best!
We're having too much fun writing down the crap they do anyway! ;D
Thinking of a good one....
Says to me right after BD Feb 2011 walking by our barn, "At least I never cheated on you while we were together!" :o
I said (thanks to RCR) "You're having an affair in the middle of our marriage!" :-\
H : "Oh yeah" :-\ :o :o :o :o
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LP, OMG! That is off the scale bonkers! :o
Is anyone still doubting that this is a mental illness?
Yeh, exactly Kikki!
x
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Well,I was accused of faking menopause.Yes, I want to fake going through menopause.This was brought because of my low sex drive at one point.
I didnt like the tv shows he watched - War movies over and over,Fox news,Glenn Beck,more war movies,all depressing
I didnt like to do His hobbies
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Well Mc (I pronounce your name as "McLovins" every time I see it! lol) it seems that not liking Glenn Beck must be a divorceable offense now. We should all get together and write a book about what are divorceable offenses as a comic spoof or something. It would make a great gag wedding present for someone. Or, it might scare prospective spouses into heading for the hills!
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This one is priceless,
The other night, mothers day spent at my BIL house together as a family . Afterwards at my house eating Chinese take out he says out of the blue: very random expressed thought.
I never drink at work (our restaurant) the only time I did was that one New Years Eve.
D16: good one Dad, that was the night you had to drive us home.
H: I wasnt thinking straight.
Silence
H: I thought someone ELSE (meaning me) was going to drive home.
Silence
Me: WE came straight from the airport in a cab
H: ya I wasn't thinking straight.
Background: bd was APril/May 2011 , came home then had to kicked him out 2 times, then November through december, professed his love and said he was going to move home while we were home in Canada for Christmas. We came straight to the Restaurant from the airport to celebrate NYE together and then were leaving for a family cruise 2 days later. Found emails sent by wacko weirdo to H of pictures of herself with the sad duck lips and with the Caption: IM ALL ALONE. On NYE
Needless to say, that cruise didnt go so well!!
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Forgot to mention that H got drunk as a skunk that night, it was so embarrassing, must have been all that teenage angst he was feeling ;D ;D
I tried to get a cab but was told it was impossible, all cabs were occupied so we had to wait until he semi sobered up , 5 am in the morning. Ahhh memories.... :o
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H texted me this last weekend:
" Your stepson 22 (his son) does not deserve the honor of being your stepson!"
:o :o :o :o :o :o :o
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LawProfessor's thread reminded me of a few good ones!
"I accidentally punched myself in the face." (trying to explain the fat lip that I had not asked about or even really noticed)
I got another big "I don't know!!" about a month later in regards to how he broke his ribs. A month after that when seeking medical treatment because they still weren't right it had morphed into the famous "I don't remember!". He was dead serious both times.
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They can't remember anything and it scares them. :o
My H, Sabotage Sam, told D13 to "keep reminding me about the school field trip I am chaperoning. I can't remember anything!" That was the night before they left at 9pm!!! She had been reminding him for 1 month. :o :o
She said ( I could hear her on the phone) "Dad it's in 11 hours!!!" :o :o
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It's a positive sign that he remembered at all! 11 hours is like 10 days in MLC years. ;D
Hoss mentioned to me last summer that he was taking some "memory" supplements. Also that he figured out (aka OW told him) that he was overdosing on Vitamin D ??? which was causing him to throw up (not the whiskey), so he completely went off of that (nevermind that Vit D deficiency can enhance depression). Oh, and he had a wart on his hand, so he was going to get acupuncture to cure it! ;D ;D ;D So glad he's proactive for his health.
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Mine bought a white board to write everything on at work so he wouldnt forget, then went out at a later date and bought an even bigger one.
Guess that was to remember the even bigger mess he is making lol.
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'You have stolen my pants and my umbrellas - where are they?'
My H showed me his bruised and broken toe the other night telling me he has no idea how he did it.... how can this be???!!!!!!!!!!
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"I could take the safe, predictable route to the top with you, or take the more (forget the exact word) exciting path, even if it does lead to the precipice. This goes to the very core and heart of my dilemma."
"There are people out there living on islands of pleasure... I admit I've been dreaming recently of a nebulous someone."
"Don't blame (OW), it's not her fault."
UK-S
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H last night: I didnt abandon you guys, I still and always have given you money. :( :o :o :o
I love you but I'm not coming home right now. I went from my moms house to you. I want you . I'm attracted to you but I'm afraid of coming back. I feel peaceful over there.I'm myself!!
Me: wow You want and love your wife. So you feel peaceful away from here, but you're happy to play happy family and sleep with your wife three times a week?
H : yes
Me: do you realize that you're not normal?
H: I know I'm not normal, I think im crazy, but so are you. Said with a big goofy smile.
DRAMA!DRAMA! DRAMA! They love the drama!!!!!!
Me: I think you are right, I must be crazy too. (said sarcastically)
We were Outside on my balcony. He was Begging me the whole time to go inside and ML. He said: I have all this passion for you.
CAN WE SAY CRAZY?
Help!
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"I'm nothing but a paycheck to you!"
(Even though I work full time and with a much longer commute than his, and most of our money was being spent on his vacation home. Yes, the kids were starting college, and that is expensive, but there I was, working full time as well, doing much more around the house than he was. He would disappear for hours "Going for a walk" or "Have projects at work." He would mope and be angry or play on-line video games at home, not want to socialize. So, in a way, maybe he was right....)
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My H moaned that I was not contributing enough money wise and therefore he had no disposable income . So he has hooked up with OW who is up to her eyeballs in debt and now he is paying the bills for two households . Genius !!!
I should add that I paid for all food, holidays, household items and gifts and he has 3 cars and a motor bike , that might be where some of his disposable income was going .
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My H moaned that I was not contributing enough money wise and therefore he had no disposable income . So he has hooked up with OW who is up to her eyeballs in debt and now he is paying the bills for two households . Genius !!!
H last night: I didnt abandon you guys, I still and always have given you money.
"I'm nothing but a paycheck to you!"
Heard all of these things before. Meanwhile, I work FT in my own career and took care of all my own expenses, my S's expenses and gave what I could to the household. I never asked H for money for anything. H accused "being stuck with a wife who got used to the good life and forgot about the important things". :o
Now, H is with his employee, so pays her salary as well as all the little "extras" she would be entitled to as his g/f. ??? OW also does not drive, so H must pick her up and drive her around when they get together. So money wise, he's got himself a leech.
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After my H had presented me with divorce papers (okay he didn't present them so much as leave them ON TOP OF MY PURSE, SO I'D SEE THEM BEFORE HEADING OFF TO WORK THAT MORNING WHILE HE HID IN HIS BATHROOM) he later explained the date he used as our separation date (we hadn't yet separated): "I put 7/01/2011 because in my mind that's when we separated." Um... in your mind? It's now May 2012 and you're still in our home but separated from me IN YOUR MIND? Hey, this might be a dumb question, but when you file a document with a court of law that's requiring you to say when you PHYSICALLY ceased CO-HABITATION with your wife, do you think the judge gives a rat's patootey when you MENTALLY CHECKED OUT?!
We should totally start a thread about not only the things our MLCers said but the things we wish we could have responded with. Now that we're detached and all.;)
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Wed
That was just so funny, especially the rats patootey so so funny.
x
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Hmmm ... mine said ... you only wanted me to be the father of your children, and now that they are here ... you don't need me anymore.
(well true I didn't want any more children!)
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Mine said pre-BD after arriving on the Jersey Shore with a carload of kids and food and bicycles for 8 nights :
"I hate the beach." :o :o :o :o :o :o :o 8)
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XW said tonight to D12 when D12 asked her if she wanted to come on a planned outing with the kids and I tomorrow night: "I might have plans. I'm spontaneous like that." Uh, what? Suspected translation: I have to see what lawyer boy wants me to do and if it's okay with him.
Bah!
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Tonight....
Me: So H, you kicked up such a fuss over wanting your desk for your new house yet it's still here. Why is that?
H: I bought a new one.
Me: Why would you do that?
H: You wouldn't let me take it.
Me: Actually, I have our text with me saying "take it. I don't want it"
H: I bought a new BBQ too.
Me: Wow! You sure continue to spends lots of money on things you already have!
H: Well, you wouldn't let me have my desk so I wasn't going to ask you for the BBQ. I had to
also buy a new washer and dryer, dishwasher, microwave, fridges.
Seriously?!
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When mine left, since we had never fought during our entire marriage, it seemed like it was hard for him to come up with reasons:
"I wanted the plane to crash, but since it didn't I will have to get rid of you."
"Your lipstick is to dry"
"I don't like your nail polish"
"You have a wrinkle on your upper lip"
" I don't like to eat salad."
" Beets should be cold"
" You eat dinner to early"
"I don't want to have health insurance"
"My family knows and they agree with me"
'
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"My family knows and they agree with me"
OH I had forgotten about this one! I got that too along with.
I've told some people about my situation and they said they would have left too! ( I've told some people too and they said they would have knocked your block off! lol! )
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Got to love the forgetfulness!
A few more good ones -
Just because were not married,doesnt mean we cant be friendly to each other.
The place my H works at was hiring for seasonal help in a diff.dept.I would have to see him everyday and work with people that know everything going on,mostly men.I guess he thought it would be ok being around him,watching him act like a teenage fool on a daily basis.I applied then told him no way was I going to work around him.WRONG!
What about MY feelings
I dont know if I miss you yet
I just want to be left alone
Thundarr,I was thinking of changing my name,not McLovin though sounds like something from McDonalds
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"I need to miss you" - when he talked about going on a vacation to clear his head on childhood issues before he moved out
"What I have always wanted for you, was for you to be a productive member of society" - a reason he no longer wanted me to be a stay at home Mom. I guess being a mother and wife is not a productive member of society - better let his Mother know as she stayed home her whole adult life.
"you make me be a prick to you" - this was yelled at me when I asked him how his day at work was. This was just before Bomb drop when I couldn't figure out what was happening to my loving husband.
"Wednesday is no good for me. I can't do Wednesday" - when confronted about clothes missing from the house and was he moving out - he went through the days of the week asking me what day I would want him to move out ( uh ...never...) and that was the only day that didn't work. Guess what day he moved out - Wednesday! Months later, I asked him about that and he looked at me like I was insane. lol Now "wednesday is no good for me" is a new catch phrase with me and my girlfriends when planning our social time...ha ha ha
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LWH, it sounds like he was projecting something about his mother onto you doesn't it?
MC, "McLovin" is from a comedy movie that all the kids were into a few years ago called "SuperBad." It's worth at least a watch but not much for the adult crowd.
And, to add one from XW from early on: "I don't like the way you've aged." I reminded my mother of this one last week and she burst out laughing!! She said that was a ridiculous thing for anybody to say.
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I was told he looked around and saw his peers and was jealous. He realised now that only happily married people or single people are successful and the reason he wasn't driving a BMW was because of me...
Nothing to do with the 3 yrs he'd spent on & off the dole... :o
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Dont worry mine drives a BMW and it didnt stop him lol.
Light on the horizon you just reminded me I didnt buy my h tomatoes or beetroot to eat I commited the worst crime ever for a wife, but what is worse I went out and bought some as soon as he mentioned it, how sad was I.
I know what I would like to do with them now.
x
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Crazyjourney- Mine had one too and then about 6 months after running away from home, he bought a new sexier sportier BMW. I had a good chuckle when I read your post. :)
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Dont worry mine drives a BMW and it didnt stop him lol.
Light on the horizon you just reminded me I didnt buy my h tomatoes or beetroot to eat I commited the worst crime ever for a wife, but what is worse I went out and bought some as soon as he mentioned it, how sad was I.
I know what I would like to do with them now.
x
What is it with the BMW's? H's car of choice.
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Yes...the BMW - I have one here I have been left to get rid of!!!
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Mr CB also has a BMW - I wonder if BMW are aware of their MLC demographic ;D ;D
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I think you guys should write into BMW and suggest they change the M3 to MLC3? just a suggestion ;) ;)
SD
x
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Oh no, my brother just bought a BMW a few weeks ago!!
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Guilty as well... My H drives a BMW.
It's been the only car allowed in our garage since we were married.
He used to be so anal about his car(s), however last year during the critical times pre and post BD, his car looked awful, unwashed, black brake dust on its wheels, just crap! Mine was and does always look great! I could tell he was sick just by the way he didn't care about his car anymore....
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Guess my H is breaking the MLC rules somewhat. He got a new car, but it's a Ford Taurus SLO. Same model as the brand new cop cars here. H always fantasized being a cop. Guess with this new car he can pretend just as he did as a child with his blue bicycle. :o
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My H got a Range Rover in 2009 drives it like an idiot and has recently had to spend more than £1000 on it because parts are wearing out ... from his bad driving I wonder?
Last night he watched a film called Quartet with the girls at Mil's ... About an old people's home for musicians ... He said he would like to live somewhere like that ... I must get him booked in!!
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Wow. I had mine written down:
I don't know what I want.
I need both of you in my life.
I am so effed up.
I am emotionally exhausted.
I do love you.
I'm afraid of you.
I don't have a problem being around you.
I will always love you.
You will always have a place in my heart.
We don't have anything in common anyway.
I don't like you.
There are things about you that I despise.
I resent you.
I'm jealous of you.
You think my coming around is just to see the kids, when it really has alot to do with you too.
I really am the happiest when I am with all of you (my family).
I'm a failure.
You have a family (with tears rolling down his face).
You know how I get when you corner me.
No, I don't love her.
I don't know what love is.
I don't believe in Love or Relationships, it's a bunch of bullsh*t!
At times I think I have been on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
It was a small setback (when busted at the airport with OW)
I sincerely can't see myself without you in my life and continue to cry.
I've opened the door to the scariest nightmare I can imagine, not having MY family!
Don't be mad at me
It really isn't about the sex (with OW)
I really only crave the interaction and perfectly happy with just texts or phone conversation with her.
She's just a friend.
She boosts my self esteem.
She really is the only friend I have.
I just want to take my dog and run away up into the mountains.
I thought I was doing better.
I really want you all to be happy.
It's about a feeling I get when I am around you.
Your flowers cost more than hers.
No, I don't remember if hers were red roses or not. (they were).
All I have been trying to do is be nice and generous.
Everyone is mad at me!
All I'm getting is abuse (talking about emails sent to him from his family--myself and his daughters regarding the affair)
When I eff up the way I have, I honestly get physically sick.
The hair stands up on the back of my neck when I see everyone on Facebook encourage you to go out and hook-up.
I effing hate Facebook.
This is not about what you do though.
Me coming up with bulls**t to justify my actions is ridiculous!
Maybe it's easier to start a new relationship with someone than it is to repair the old one.
She doesn't like when I'm around you.
I told her that you are the kids mother so of course you were going to be there.
I know I haven't been there for you like I should have been in the past.
I have been a terrible person
I don't know that I am in love with her.
I won't have a miserable time (in Costa Rica) but I will be thinking about you guys the entire time!
I think I get enjoyment out of her company.
I really do connect with her on an intellectual level.
Families require love.
I think you are an incredible person.
Believe me, I have been doing lots of soul searching.
Telling someone you love them after sex, is a p*ss poor barometer of true feelings. It's an intimate setting and sh*t gets said, but it can be meaningless.
I certainly didn't want to bring everyone down.
I feel like I'm in limbo
It's none of your business.
It's not about you or her, it's about me.
This is 100% my fault..
The love I feel for her is different than the love I have for you.
I would be sad if you were out of my life completely.
Are you really willing to put up with my unfaithfulness because I don't think I could ever be faithful to you..
I am depressed but I don't want to seek help, it's what keeps driving me to get myself out of debt.
Once my financial situation is fixed, I will work on my personal life.
I do love you, I just don't love the relationship we had.
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H monstered, almost weekly:
Give me MY car, you've stolen MY car.
It was OUR family car bought with OUR savings.
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My H monsters about, of all things, the exercise bike!
Keeps asking me for it but never comes to pick it up.
Some others:
Kids are resilient, they'll be fine
I don't believe in staying together just for the kids (what about staying together for us, those marriage vows and 25 good years together?)
This one floored me:
Between BD and leaving, as we were discussing D11 and a visiting schedule he said "well it's not really about what I want is it? It's about what's best for the kids"
I replied "well it's not really is it, otherwise you wouldn't be leaving"
No response from H
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I don't need love. I am a rock.
You have ruined my relationship with my children. - You are always around when I come to visit. (Uh...I live with them...funny you haven't taken all 3 once by yourself in the 16 months you have gone. They don't know where you live. You blame me? )
I knew I made the biggest mistake when you walked down the aisle. You were the ugliest bride. But like a good man, I soldiered on. You soldered on for 20 years, 3 children, 2 dogs, moves across the country... Then when I was totally upset and reminded him of the way he kissed me when they pronounced us man and wife and what he said to me when I reached him in front of the JP, he looked incredulous and said "You are shocked but this? This should not be a surprise to you."
When asked one day in counselling (during a moment of him wanting to repair the damage) why he was so out to destroy me - he looked at me with shock and said that was never his intent, he was just trying to save himself from me and the kids. He was going to die if he stayed. He was in no way trying to destroy but save.
When he bought the 4 seater BMW - my eldest son asked him how a family of 5 was going to fit. I cringed as I thought this is where he draws the line and says your Mom won't be coming. But no, he replied, your sister doesn't need to come.
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CSL This is hysterical
"Your flowers cost more than hers "
Sums up MLC perfectly!
Even a teenager would have trouble saying this. ::)
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I've heard almost the exacts of 90% of what CSL, 3L and LWH wrote. Except XW DID tell the kids that I wouldn't be riding with them much - the day after my graduation and 2 days before "I'm divorcing your ass."
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They don't know where you live.
I think this is part of the script, as well. My kids don't know where xH lives, except the general vicinity. They are not interested in being on OW's turf.
My best friend, who is going through a divorce from a serial cheater/narcissist/abandoner, also has teen sons who do not know where their father lives.
These folks bail because they don't want to be parents--that's not who they identify themselves as.
When he bought the 4 seater BMW - my eldest son asked him how a family of 5 was going to fit. I cringed as I thought this is where he draws the line and says your Mom won't be coming. But no, he replied, your sister doesn't need to
come.
Right after BD, when xH was in a deep fog and on an infatuation high--wearing those shark eyes, and acting stunned, he pointed to a two-seater and said he was interested in that model. I asked him, "You're so afraid of dying alone--why would you buy a car that your children can't rid in?"
"Oh...that's a good point...." he replied.
He did buy a five-seater. And a boat, and God knows what else he bought, but he sure racked up bills--all so strange for a guy who'd always been fairly frugal. (Also script.)
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Mine traded in a perfectly good Hyndaii 2004 all paid off for a 2005 Jetta wagon that he has to pay $150 a month for 5 years. :o :o :o
Cleaned out his 401k and changed the beneficiary to OW. lol $0 balance 401k beneficiary. ;D
Sounds pretty script! ;)
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No Regrets - It is very interesting what I originally perceived as so bizarre and unreal behaviour by my spouse is actual quite common in MLC land. I know my husband would be so devastated to know he was following a script and not his own person. lol
I chuckled as I read your comment about dying alone. That does give me the "aha - they do listen to what we have to say" even if it is twisted logic that you were throwing his way.
Mama Bear - I guess it is the thought that counts in this case...bahahaha
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Mamma he knows the ending of the script too............he left her zero/nothing because he knows thats what shes worth.......NOTHING.............NADA..... NOUT.............. ;) ;) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Me: What do you want to do with your life?
W: "I want to be free and independent. To have spontaneous fun - to not have responsibilities; to be able to do things on the spur of the moment. I want to have fun like I did in high school. I want to have fun before I turn into an old lady"
On another occasion just after BD
W: You never let me spend my money on anything I want
Me: There's a $15,000 hot tub sitting out in the back yard that you wanted and went out an bought.
W: Silence
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Thirsty Duck - it is such a skewed sense of fun at this stage of life, isn't it?
I basically heard the same speech at BD and every time he monstered at me for months. I haven't heard it for awhile but his actions show that is what he still wants - no accountability and the life of the rich and idle.
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My h bought a brand new 2 door, 4 seater jeep just before BD. I questioned him about it not fitting our family of 5. He said it was for work anyways but he then told us he wanted us all to travel to Florida in it so we could take the top down. Really, we don't fit... O we will figure it out he said...no room for luggage or a stroller...O we can take back packs and strap on a stroller. Really? O then BD happened and I am sure him and OW are diving the country side now, with the top down with his long hair blowing in the wind, lol. The jeep of course was a dream of his since high school.
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Magnite - my H bought a series 3 1970's Landrover - the top comes off that too.
Have to acknowledge - he was a man ahead of his time - and it has kind of become the MLC poster vehicle around here amongst those with extra $ to spare and regressive tendencies. It is laughable. We live in a large city. This would look more appropriate on one of the Queen's rural residences.
It has been nothing but trouble - so much money has been spent on its upkeep, and it still needs a complete overhaul.
He has threatened to sell it so often, but recently admitted his obsession with it was over and he was finally ready to sell. (nearly 3.5 years post BD).
I think the nail in the coffin was me pointing out how cliche they had become.
He sold it the next week - to someone in the next suburb over from us - so the boys and I will still have the 'pleasure' (displeasure ?) of seeing it driven around by another good time charlie. :-\
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;D ;D ;D my H's was a Toyota Landcruiser (I think also 1970s) ..electric blue, of course ;D
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;D ;D ;D Wow, do they even come in Electric Blue, or was that a special paint job? ;D
I have read on a few occasions that the MLC red sportscar of old, has been replaced with the motorbike and the SUV combined.
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I read that a fancy expensive racing bicycle was the new red spots car....H bought 3!
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Oh yes - those and fixies - my H has two of those ;D Although I don't think he actually rides them anywhere any more.
I hear lycra is big amongst the MLC biking set :o unless you're trying to be a hipster, like my H clearly is. I'm not sure what is less appealing.
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Well we are several BMWs later a couple of Maseratis, Porsche Cayenne and I am told he now has a second car an old mercedes soft top, maybe a motorbike will be next, he did get also get a pedal bike but I havent seen it, dont know why he didnt just get the one he still has here lol. Oh my that would have not been new and exciting.
Glad I havent seen the pedal bike if I was likely to also witness the lycra. Mmmm nice !!!!!!
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Wow CJ - were the Maseratis red?
Our MLCers will all be salivating ;D
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Ok, so not at the higher end of the market but here's our 'vehicle' time line;
Just before H left he kept sending me texts from the Trading post with cars for sale at around the $25k mark. I said we couldn't afford that.
I thought he really wanted a family car that could turn into a muso's car so he could transport his drums. So I start looking and find and the 7 seater Chrysler Voyager for $14k and we put a deposit on it. Then he LEAVES.
I want nothing to do with the family car I picked out, so I make him sign for it and put it in his name (we sorted it out at settlement).
Two years on he still has that car AND last year bought a Holden Commodore station wagon (which won't accommodate OW when he has the 4 kids) . He even felt the need to tell me he got a loan for it. He can't even park the new car on my driveway as his brakes are no good.
During this time he also bought a motorbike which he said he need to save money because the Voyager cost him too much on petrol. Remember he still has both and car registration here costs nearly $700 per vehicle per year.
Now he also has a boat he bought off his brother which isn't sea worthy and needs to be repaired. You should see the front of the house!!!
P.S. I also forgot he took the covered trailer which we used for family holidays to take the kids bikes in etc. it's also sitting in his front yard along with the others1
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Do slide in truck campers count?Thats what my H lives in,in his shop.He bought an on/off road motorcycle.He could have bought it when he was home and I wouldn't have cared.We own a regular camper too. :o
A few months ago I got...
It doesn't look like I'm coming home does it,but comes home now to spend a night or two.
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I am actually ROTFLMFOA thinking about this again ..........the one that got me the most and i spluttered my coffee all the laptop was one of the LBSers saying one of h's excuses was he didnt like the new rug she had put in the hallway :o :o..........i remember laughing til i nearly peaed myself and couldnt tell my sister what i was laughing at because everytime i got to the part of the rug i would howl again ;D ;D ;D............i hope whoever it was will come on here and write about that ........there was more to it im sure it was her bending over backwards to try and change it or something like that xxxxxxxxx
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I love the car cliche - totally something I thought my H would never do. ::) He traded in our little Dodge Neon for a big extended cab pickup truck that you need a ladder practically to get in. It costs $75 to fill it up, and even though it is used, he went to wacky car lot for it so he paid new price. >:( He also has/had (don't know if he still works) a work van - all parked in MIL's busy driveway. ;D ;D ;D Kept talking motorcycle but never has taken the leap there, probably due to money, but that hasn't stopped anything else. Oh, and leading up to crisis he did the fixed gear bike thing, too, first with the little lycra outfits, then he got into the whole "bike pirate" scene and started wearing cutoffs, and Converse tied to the side to match the kids online. ;) All of that was to just ride down to the market!
All this while I have no vehicle and toodle around with my dad when I need to hit the stores. For me, MLC has saved me more than Geico on car insurance. ;)
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I love this thread!I always come here now if I'm in any doubt that it is MLC or just if I need a good laugh ...as Miranda's Mum would say "Such fun!!". Along witht the electric blue landcruiser, there is also a boat which he's been living on (I've seen him wearing a hanky on his head like a real pirate ;D ;D) and talk about buying a motorbike...
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Ha that just jogged my memory ........when h first started at the gym (i didnt know about o/w then).............he wanted me to go shopping with to the sports stores............he actually bought one of those spandex tops ...........it was 2 sizes too small .....h looked at me and asked if i liked it..........i nearly fell over :o :o .........i said what do you need one of those for woman wear them (it was a mans though) to hide their lumps and bumps...........he said so when i start at the gym it will hide my belly and i wont look fat :o :o :o it gets better no he did not wear it for the gym ..........he wore it under his shirt so o/w would think he didnt have a gut...........he was almost 40 then o/w 26 yrs old....i bet he didnt drink or breath on that night out..............one day im going to remind him off that top ............in fact its in the house somewhere ;D ;D ;D ??? ::) 8) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Mine was a lycra cycle man and a hoodie man of the streets ???? and a all in one lycra triathlon man - NOT a good look unless you are under 30 He is now getting back to normal - no lycra for some time triathlons gone ... and hoodies too
Bought 3 ££££ bikes
but has given one to our son ...
He is slowly moving forward - he did tell me at BD that one reason he could not come home was I never went to triathlons with him and held his wet suit whils the ran and cycled (found out OW did this for him - :o :o I mean why!!!)
xxB
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Ha no, no red ones that would have been a laugh.
x
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OK, I'll play....
a year pre BD he bought a very expensive family car, way out of budget; was angry when I wasn't super-enthusiastic. He took that at BD, it's now 2 more cars (BMWs, this time, latest one largest going...) later for him. He traded the original car because it was too much of a "family" image for him.... I still have the small car which we had before.
And yes, lycra....
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... and hoodies too
Oh lordy, hoodies appeared here too...along with hooded zip-tops and orangey brown cords...funnily enough, the kind of gear he wore when we met in our early 20's. :o
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yes, hooded zip-tops - with teenage brand logos, for good measure!
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Lycra and 3 expensive bikes here as well. The latter are listed as assets in his financial disclosure alongside a mini cooper, which replaced the family saloon a few months after he left. The xH of a friend of mine also traded in the family car for a mini cooper. Both men are 6'3 and look ridiculous behind the steering wheel.
Now when I see middle aged men cycling furiously clad in lycra or squeezed into small cars I automatically think 'there goes another MLCer'.
No hoodies here but my young adults have all complained about our MLCers choice of casual footwear which are black with thick crepe soles. One told him to get rid of the 'pervert' shoes. I believe OW may have chosen them. And I spied some strange looking work shirts hanging in the back of previously mentioned mini cooper - black & white stripes, which he would never have worn a few years ago.
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My turn. White $300 Oakly sunglasses. White sports sandals. O'Neil tshirts. Brand named jeans that cost well over $200.
My H always just wore jeans and his company tshirts. When we went out, he'd wear a plaid shirt. He always dressed his age until he moved out. Now he looks like a fool. Sports gear.....good grief, my H's response to my suggestion we go for a stroll in the evening was "Walk? Why would I want to go for a walk? I've walked all day!" (Note: walking all day was from his truck to the job site, if that!)
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;D These guys are so funny ;D
I was reading along CS, thinking - 'oh, CS's H must be a short man', but no - 6'3 ;D ;D ;D
Another local MLC vehicle is the vespa. My H bought one not long before BD, and went on a huge road trip about 18months ago, to visit his mother that he previously despised. Hmmm.
Clothing of choice these days - skinny jeans with turned up cuffs. Great look when you're 50 :-[
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I'll play too. Mine bought a new road bike, a new car, a motor cycle, and new clothes/gear for all of that. That's all I know about since he's mostly been a vanisher, but I saw all that the few times we crossed paths before he moved out of state. No telling what else he bought. The car is the identical car of OW, but in the color that we always bought cars (hers is a different color). I realize now that he bought the car after a trip with her in her car, with MY dog along >:(
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Before h bought the new jeep he bought and old one and tried to completly remodel it. We had boxes coming to the house for weeks...I think he got half way through it and bought a new one. He used to remodel cars when he was a teen but old man can't do it anymore.
My h is a huge hoodie guy with logos all over it and logo shirts with brand name jeans. His OW is covered in tattoos, so I assume he has one too. When this infatuation dies he will have a nice reminder, lol. ;)
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Kikki: skinny jeans with a rolled up cuff at 50?! Omg that made me laugh. Too bad we can't share pictures on here! Hahaha!
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Let's all send the attached link for our MLCers. They'll all be out buying running shoes and the latest in running attire tomorrow morning, then in a week, in the physiotherapists office for joint and muscle injuries. If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny...
http://video.tsn.ca/?dl=action_sports/running-latest/1/0/930987/clip/300
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Thanks Bewildered for the lycra cycle man comment.
Whats with the hoodies?
Mine bought a lime green one from walmart its uglyyyyy.
Hes bought lots of new clothes too,since he lost a bunch of weight,plus a nice motorcycle jacket.
Im struggling to get a pair of jeans for myself.
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XW bought running shoes too, and I doubt she's done more than a fast walk since she moved out! All new clothes of course and she would often wear D20's clothes that were left at her apartment. And does a Corolla that she paid sticker price on (which was at least 50% more than the car was worth) count as an MLC vehicle? It does have aluminum wheels and dark tinted windows. It makes a great car for a teenager, honestly. She just went to the car lot and did not try to haggle on the price or nothing, and traded our family van in for a pittance of what it was worth. I guess car salesman probably have a keen eye for MLCers and know they are all more than happy to get rid of the reminders of their past life and so splurge on a new one. And I won't even talk about the branded sweatshirts.......
But, seriously, cuffed jeans at 50? Please share pics on the alt as I cannot wait to see!!
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I guess I have to bring up the purple pointy shoes..... to be fair I've only seen those once, but I do know his shoe wardrobe contains those, as well as a pair of shiny lace-ups with heels as well.... there are other pointy shoes as well. He used to hate those.
Must point out that I don't think pointy shoes are bad in and of themselves, just not on a man of his age and build. And as such a change.
Lycra does seem to be a thing here among middle-aged men, even if not in crisis -- or rather their "crisis" is that jokey kind, where the bike and the lycra are the only manifestations.
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Wow, this MLC truely is an identity crisis, all these clothes and 'accessoires ' (vehicles) bought to try out what fits or how they feel I suppose. All these activities started and not completed. Makes me wonder - my H certainly had that trait anyway, made me even think 'no wonder in a way he does not 'complete' his mariage but jumps of the middle. Wonder how many MLCler have had this tendancy of not completing things/courses/activities as 'normal' character trait already pre-BD?
Mine had only bought an expensive mountain bike, that is it would have been enormously expensive but he got it for a relative interesting price. If he would have used it. Never did a lot during the 3 years pre BD though, and it ended up with me here and I must say it is great for our Sunday bike tour with the kids ;D But each time he is here for kid's vacation, he takes it to cycle miles to / from the hotel. Guess he regrets he did not have the refex on BD day and it went on the moving van...
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...All these activities started and not completed. Makes me wonder - my H certainly had that trait anyway, made me even think 'no wonder in a way he does not 'complete' his mariage but jumps of the middle. Wonder how many MLCler have had this tendancy of not completing things/courses/activities as 'normal' character trait already pre-BD?..........
Even my exMIL said "H is a quitter". I found it frustrating in our marriage when he would just stop things or not get on with stuff he said he would do. He quit bands, Feeding homeless people (he led a team which he was great at), changed churches multiple times (doesn't go at all now), many many jobs, etc etc. But I also see the same trait in his mum when it comes to people. He grand daughter has also observed "It's all or nothing with Nan. You are either in or out and there's no in between". It's like that with H too. And right now I know I am 'OUT' with both of them.
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That's another "Bingo" for me, too. He will try at something for a year and then it is on to the next thing. He will admit himself that he has never known what he wants to do with his life.
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My H did complete jobs - always took pride in doing lots of DIY things, even finished our kitchen pre BD. Now it seems he cannot even change a toilet roll (leaves the empty one there with a new one on side) or throw milk carton away (puts back in fridge empty).
I am now realising though that all the expensive purchases made last year that I really did not want to go ahead with, were part of his condition. MY H also bought a mountain bike that was never used either. And since then we have had lots of hoodies which I kept telling him he was too old for. He even bought a t-shirt from the teenage section - I didn't really think anything of it then!!! ;D
And now he has gone from a BMW to a mini cooper. Hysterical watching the children try to get in the back - the car seats didn't fit of course and S7 had to sit in the front. I laughed at all three of them driving off, my H looking like a 17 year old. I wonder if he will ever look back on the car he has now and think 'Why did I buy that?'
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Oh.my.goodness.
Wonder how many MLCler have had this tendancy of not completing things/courses/activities as 'normal' character trait already pre-BD?
This just keeps getting better...or hokier. :P
S18 and I JUST had a conversation this past weekend about how hard it ALWAYS was to get H to finish ANYTHING !! Our whole house (and property) is a mish-mash of half completed projects and repairs.
Over the years, he would help the kids start a project like a go-cart or tree fort but never finished them... It was actually a family joke that H was the absent minded professor who always started 10 new things before he got the last 50 completed. Really, it wasn't so funny as it was a huge source of contention in our marriage....so much clutter and wasted money because he couldn't seem to finish anything he started.
So no surprise that he walked away from a broken marriage or that he seems unable to focus long enough to even finalize a divorce.
Apparently OW is beginning to find his procratination and personal habits frustrating. She bought a house which she and H will be moving into in a couple of weeks. The house needs to have the roof reshingled. H thought he was the man for the job...but she asked her BIL to do it! ;D
I wonder if these procratinators will come out of the tunnel any more organized? ???
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My exH hasn't gotten a new vehicle. I don't think he can afford it. He does spend a lot of money for online video games and bought some more gun accesories. I asked if he still went to the shooting range because he started doing that again just before BD. He said no because the government had started buying up ammo after Sandy Hook. He sounded like he thought it was a consepracy to make sure he couldn't do anything fun.
He used to run and scuba dive when he was younger but he has serious issues with his ankle and can't do those anymore. In fact it has severely limited what he can do. However he has given up on any physical activity. He could swim but he doesn't want to deal with the indignity of using special equipment to get in and out. I used to be sympathic but now he just strikes me as pathetic because he is using it as an excuse to do nothing except have a pity party. He even used it as an excuse once for not coming up with stuff to do with our D9.
As far as dressing its about the same except for one work shirt which is fuchsia pink, a color I never would have thought he would wear. He also has gained weight and just look so much older.
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I got the memory lapse this morning . Our 14 yr old cat is sick, he has been up and down for a couple of weeks . So I emailed H to let him know the situation and said I would let him know if things got worse.
He called :
H "why did you not call me about it?"
M "you asked me not to contact you because you needed to sort your emotions out"
H "I dont remember that , when did I say that "
M "last time you were here about a month ago "
H "Oh I dont remember that"
M "So you do want me to contact you"
H "No I cant speak to you but let me know how the cat is "
I am going to get the cat to call him to let him know how he is , that way I am not breaking to no contact rule . Actually the cat is to intelligent to speak to H .
:)
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Hahaha!!
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CallanG, that text conversation should be framed and posted as an example of the 'complex' thought process we LBS suddenly find ourselves dealing with. Unbelievable.
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CallanG, that text conversation should be framed and posted as an example of the 'complex' thought process we LBS suddenly find ourselves dealing with. Unbelievable.
The worst thing he had me thinking I had imagined the whole don't contact me conversation .
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Love the cat story ;D
Re the completion of tasks and procrastination pre BD, I wonder if this is a personality style, rather than anything to do with MLC, because my H was the opposite.
What he said - he did and followed through with, started major projects and finished them.
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What I'm wondering is if the personality style correlates with the type of MLCer. Are the ones who don't finish projects the Wallowers and are the ones who were workaholics or super-responsible the crazy Replayers? Or is it all over the place across the board?
I do see several other types--ones who felt something was always wrong and it just got exaggerated during MLC and others who were totally shocked when theirs did a complete 180 in behavior.
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What I'm wondering is if the personality style correlates with the type of MLCer. Are the ones who don't finish projects the Wallowers and are the ones who were workaholics or super-responsible the crazy Replayers? Or is it all over the place across the board?
That's a really good point SK. My H would definitely fit in with this. Workaholic - was super responsible - now a crazy high energy replayer. Tick.
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CallangG that Cat Conversation :o
My H was one of those guys who only ever did the bare minimum when it came to work and life in general. He even said he was lazy. I used to say that he just hadn't found something to motivate him, because I believed in him and thought that was a negative attribute to associate with yourself. Now he's quite high-energy rather than a wallower, so I guess there's maybe more at play than that correlation. I mean there would be, wouldn't there - this is MLC - it ain't gonna be simple or logical ;D ;D
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That's a really good point SK. My H would definitely fit in with this. Workaholic - was super responsible - now a crazy high energy replayer. Tick.
Ditto! I can definitely timeline when things were stalling with when the crisis had started.
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sigh...funny, sad, exhausting - but mostly batsh!t crazy!
husband (within two weeks of agreeing not to introduce son to ow but did the weekend i went away for my birthday): "i'm not deceitful and i didn't lie! i would have told you if you had asked me" (which i did but he denied until i told him son told me) "besides, i was hesitant (at least you were hesitant)...and it didn't go very well...and it won't happen again" (but did less than a month later) >:(
"she's crazy and screams at me constantly...and maybe this will make her less crazy"(referring to separation agreement)
"i'm stuck"
"i didn't leave son - i left you" then didn't see or call son for a week.
"she has some good qualities - not a lot... you have a lot of great qualities!" ... ???
and the best one from last week:
(sitting across from me and looking completely serious) "i think you're going through a midlife crisis, too"...too?? ;D because i bought a pair of cobalt blue skinny jeans ;D
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You had better check you car choice, Different Colored Days. Sounds like you've gone off the deep end to me. Although I briefly looked at these jeans with a lizard skin print on them but luckily they were skinny jeans and anatomy kept me from making that mistake.
I have a feeling Cherry Blossom will be correct in it being all over the place but couldn't help but wonder about it. I had a low energy before BD with two whopping months of partying, drinking (he doesn't normally drink much) and going out in Hawaiian shirts with an OW right after followed by back to low energy and OW seems to have faded out. But I guess he's not done so there is still time for him to get a second wind.
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Haha!! A gray toyota "hunchback" (hatchback) just like the one you had to share with your mom and older brother when you first got your licence - I must be reliving 16!!! Wasn't a bad time, come to think of it...
They just try one thing after another until it feels "right" and that just never seems to happen. I'm glad to hear your H worked through the hawaiian shirt phase quickly, Still Kicking - that couldn't have been pleasant!
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sigh...funny, sad, exhausting - but mostly batsh!t crazy!
and the best one from last week:
(sitting across from me and looking completely serious) "i think you're going through a midlife crisis, too"...too?? ;D because i bought a pair of cobalt blue skinny jeans ;D
;D ;D ;D I got this too, but mine was supposedly a few years back. Maybe in typical MLC fashion, I've just forgotten leaving my H and children to run away with OM and replay my teenage years!!
I also was told when he introduced OW#1 to the kids that he found nothing wrong with it and they had to see that "she was just another person" Oh, and when I first found out about her, he did tell me what a wonderful person she was and that I would like her and get on very well with her!!!
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Hope you ladies bought those skinny jeans in extra long, so that you could do a wide turn up on those cuffs :o ;D
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