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Author Topic: Discussion What now?

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Discussion Re: What now?
#40: November 22, 2018, 10:13:18 AM
If you re-read the top of the thread, it's pretty clear.  Well, I thought it was.
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Re: What now?
#41: November 22, 2018, 10:26:22 AM
When someone asks about your stand, if they are rude about it, you can always say "Bless your heart."

Otherwise, I have found "Thank you for your concern about my well being." Then change the subject.

And as to what you say to your MLC spouse, it may matter for the ones who end up stuck and want mommy to do all the fixit work, but for the ones who truly still love their spouses and come through. I don't think it matters what we say. And sometimes we need to state our truth, although calmly is better than angrily. JMO
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Re: What now?
#42: November 22, 2018, 10:29:15 AM
you can always say "Bless your heart."

LOL!!!  I LOVE that phrase.

It's the ultimate, back-handed insult.....
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Re: What now?
#43: November 22, 2018, 10:33:30 AM
Quote from: megogirl on November 22, 2018, 10:29:15 AM
you can always say "Bless your heart."

LOL!!!  I LOVE that phrase.

It's the ultimate, back-handed insult.....

 ???  I don't intend to insult anyone with my response.

I may want them to get off my back with their well meaning comments about moving on and deserving better, but that is all. In no way do I want to insult them.
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Re: What now?
#44: November 22, 2018, 10:42:06 AM
I may want them to get off my back with their well meaning comments about moving on and deserving better, but that is all.

Noooo....it definitely does that, just in a funny way.

It's the polite way of saying "Get of my back!"  That's why I called it back-handed, because that statement is implied..... 
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Re: What now?
#45: November 22, 2018, 10:47:27 AM
Perhaps - going back to what you said the question was that you DID want help with - a place to start is working out why it matters to you what anyone else says, nay sayer or not, if you know why you are choosing to stand?
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Re: What now?
#46: November 22, 2018, 12:52:50 PM
Well, I didn't know what kind of a Stander I would be, once the D was finalized.

Up until now, I tried to put it off for as long as possible.  So I *was* just a "regular" Stander, or whatever. 

Now I'm faced with the decision.....covenant-keep while divorced, or to finally quit and move on??  And just how bad is the backlash in doing the former?!

I'm stilllllll not sure what to be.....
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« Last Edit: November 22, 2018, 12:57:03 PM by megogirl »
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Re: What now?
#47: November 22, 2018, 01:43:47 PM
Quote from: megogirl on November 22, 2018, 12:52:50 PM

...
Now I'm faced with the decision.....covenant-keep while divorced, or to finally quit and move on??  And just how bad is the backlash in doing the former?!

I'm stilllllll not sure what to be.....

Megogirl,

  Just be what feels right to YOU.  Thats kind of what I meant in that other thread:  there is no wrong answer here. There is only what feels wrong to YOU.   You get to decide your own fate and beliefs. Nobody else does.

-T
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Re: What now?
#48: November 22, 2018, 02:04:24 PM
IMHO If you honestly think after reflecting back in the relationship and come to the conclusion is that he is the ONLY man you can or could ever love. That the relationship was the best one you think you might ever have. And you cannot imagine yourself with someone else.Then stand.
Me? I'm big into time limits..so I'd put a time frame on it.

If you look back and you feel you may somehow run into someone who would treat you better? Then move on.
There would be no backlash for you as far as I can see.  You are with someone else and happy..even if he comes back later..you moved on..his loss.

Just please to do not get involved if he could just come back and blow that relationship up. You aren't out there to break hearts.

So staying single for while is a really good idea.

( Frankly? I'd have a really hard time if I were you trusting him about anything again. )
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« Last Edit: November 22, 2018, 02:29:33 PM by in it »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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Re: What now?
#49: November 22, 2018, 02:29:53 PM
IMHO If you honestly think after reflecting back in the relationship is that he is the ONLY man you can or could ever love. That the relationship was the best one you think you might ever have. And you cannot imagine yourself with someone else.Then stand.

I've been in love exactly twice: once with H, and the other with my gay best friend while we were in college.

How I know that I was in love is because I did not find either to be attractive at first.  (Actually, I only hung out with my gay BFF to get to his roommate, who I WAS attracted to.).  It was only after much time spent together that I started finding each of the two "hot."

Since the gay BFF thing was NEVER going to happen, that leaves H as the only man I've ever loved who also loved me back.  And, the relationship was the best one I've ever had - the only one, in fact.  So, no...I don't want anyone else, and can not imagine myself with anyone else.

Thanx for helping me answer this question!  Bring on the naysayers.....
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« Last Edit: November 22, 2018, 02:31:54 PM by megogirl »
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