[megogirl]

In it, I only look at FB (rarely) and Instagram (even more rarely.)

I defriended H's family from FB a long time ago....so IG was the only connection I had, and only the occasional, random pic.

I was "unfollowed" by her, right after I texted H to let him know that I'd seen it:

"X-niece posted your Thanxgiving pic on Instagram.  You sure are teaching S15 some rotten morals over there in the 14527.  That adultery is not only a non-sin, but is actually a GOOD thing!  So, let's all have a toast to THAT!"

[Ready2Transform]

Ready -

You had your hooker show up for Thanksgiving, too?

Despite xH's family being in ministry, they fully embraced the married OW as a member of the family prior to either of them filing for divorces from me or her husband. My xH lived with them and they allowed her to come sleep with him in their basement for family visits (she lived two states away). After he moved into her husband's side of the bed in 2013, I saw from FB that they had a "special" holiday between Thanksgiving and Christmas just for the two of them (he was always left out of things when we were together - guess they just didn't like me!) Prior to this, after BD, my MIL told me they never considered us to have a "real marriage" since it happened in Vegas. I am likely still referred to as the ill person who couldn't move on. I found out later his brother and second wife had their wedding in 2012 about 6 months before she even filed for divorce from her H (after being in the family for years). So clearly, legal marriage isn't "real" but pretend marriages are.

And just to add, I agree with In It that it does help to not see it, BUT...we all have done it. Especially when it's all new. I even spent a lot of time watching the court dockets in the prospective cities (it's how I knew she filed for divorce from her H and also what was motivating her to push my xH forward - she was facing foreclosure and needed him to front the money for her divorce and new house!). I was just trying to grasp what was happening and grieve being left out (even if the people sucked and I was better off). It takes practice to move away from it.

[megogirl]

Ready -

Everything about that reply is just wrong.  And disturbing. 

Damn I'm very sorry, for everything.....

[Ready2Transform]

Thank you, but know that I just roll my eyes at all of it now. It hurt so much at the time, not that we were close, but that I'd tried with them for decades for my xH's sake. Lesson learned, but it took time to heal.

[megogirl]

It hurt so much at the time, not that we were close, but that I'd tried with them for decades for my xH's sake.

Yeah, I'm really just pissed in general.  At all of it.

I've been pissed at my IL's for 17 years.  Because I tried, tried, and tried some more.  Sadly, because I wasn't born a BLONDE, I was never going to be ok in my MILS's eyes (True story....she's THAT superficial....even though she has a bad dye-job, and a helmet-head haircut.) 

They also claim to be people of Faith.  And yet, their own son's OW sat at their table, like a "member of the family!", while I sat here in exile.

Couldn't make any of this up.  I swear, tales of MLC severely trump fiction.....

[BrenM]

MG -  just remember that the majority of information and photos posted on Social Media is staged, glorified and fake for the posters audience/followers.  Pay no attention to the "One big happy family" photo....I can guarantee you that it is not all that it appears.   Don't jump to,assumptions based on your perception of the photo.

Remember - Many social media accounts are no more than  parody accounts, and is in no way associated with the real person it depicts or what exactly is going on.  Everyone only posts about the good things.

May I suggest that next time your H pisses you off...there will be more times....don't text or phone abuse at him.  Get a diary or notebook and write and vent your feelings or the message you would live to send him.  Don't give him (or the OW) the satisfaction of knowing that their actions have gotten under your skin.  Fake your strength and detachment.

[megogirl]

.don't text or phone abuse at him.  Get a diary or notebook and write and vent your feelings or the message you would live to send him

Except that I consider everything I've spelled out to H as MINIMAL. 

Because I could, and really deserve to, go completely BEZERK......

[Not Applicable]

"X-niece posted your Thanxgiving pic on Instagram.  You sure are teaching S15 some rotten morals over there in the 14527.  That adultery is not only a non-sin, but is actually a GOOD thing!  So, let's all have a toast to THAT!"

You are still living in the early 90s. This is NOT a TV program like 90210 and it is clear you are really hung up on that because of the way you use a zip code to refer to your H's location. This is real life. If you think you can be a drama queen and hope for reconciliation while acting like this, you need to wake up and smell the coffee.

He considers you his ex-wife and that he is never getting back with you and he has moved on with another woman who his family accepts and maybe even likes. Then as they are sitting down to pumpkin pie during a family gathering, in comes this text message from his ex-wife. He probably looks down at it and maybe even shares it with the rest of the family and dismisses it as "rantings of my ex, sure glad I dumped her. I may have to file for a restraining order if this psycho doesn't stop harassing me." And then they all chime in about how they never liked you and all the faults they perceived in you. And son is sitting there feeling smothered between his mother and father and his family and their disdain and disrespect for one another.

And before you start getting your fly swatter out, just realize what I posted above is the natural reaction he is going to show to that message. You believe they all hate you, well you just gave them reason 1001 to hate you even more. It will not have the affect you want. You attract flies with honey, not salt on wounds.

[Nas]

I hate to admit it, but I had the same reaction to your use of the ZIP Code in your message to him. Everyone is telling you the same thing and your response to every single one of us is that you could be seeing worst to him. It doesn’t matter that you could be saying much worse things to him. We all have a million things we can spew at our MLCers.  And I am actually one who believes that a well placed truth dart is OK now and then. I don’t believe in babying anyone or never saying anything.

But the snarkiness of your comments is not going to get you anywhere. It’s actually having the opposite effect of what you want if you are indeed standing.  And even if you’re not standing, what everyone is saying is still write, your comments are only making him look at you as someone he’s glad he left instead of someone he regrets leaving. The hardest thing that we have to do is keep our lips zipped when we really want to say exactly what’s on our minds. But it is also one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. And just imagine what would be going through his mind  if a picture was posted or anything else happened and he actually didn’t hear from you at all.  When he starts getting no reaction from you, I think that will have more of an effect on him than any snarky or biting remark you can make.

[BrenM]

MG....just curious.....What advise does your IC give you?  Has he/she  given you strategies to try to reduce your anger? What does your GF's or family members think?

I get your anger...I understand and totally sympathise....we all get it.  BUT being constantly angry at your H, voicing your hurt and holding a pity party for yourself is not healthy.  At this present time our H's do not care if they have hurt us or our children.  Their whole life is focused on them and them alone.  Save your breath because it falls on deaf ears.  I have mentioned to you before about reading Watchers thread - you would be utterly surprised at his composure when he is with his wife - they appear to be reconnecting.  Yes he vents on HS, yet he is very compassionate when dealing with his wife.  Please read his thread.

MG you.need to find a way to release and let go of some of your anger....it is not healthy for you or the environment you create for your son.  We all have stories, some of us have received the raw end of the stick.but we keep going because we believe in the MLC process.

Sorry MG...I need to agree with the others.  Yes a random truth dart is very effective....but shooting consistent and constant darts will make your H pleased that you are no longer in his life.  He will never look back and I know that this is not what you want.

Time to re-evaluate your plan.  Firstly work on healing yourself.  Detach and rid yourself of the built up anger.