[Unraveled]

Hope, as an FYI, often there are rules for what percentage of what kinds of cases have to be resolved in a certain time frame (there are in my state).  The courts often don't have a choice in these matters.  The person you should be focusing the anger on is the person who files the case and allows it to proceed through the system.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

EXACTLY!  And to have a judge push a divorce because it sat for 6 months and he wants it off his docket.  Why should you have the right to interfere in MY marriage!

Hope, that's what happened to me, too. My wife was confused and didn't know what she wanted so she wasn't doing anything but I was told if we didn't hurry up and finish the divorce the judge would decide how to allocate everything and that he would most likely order that our house be sold.

We had to finish our divorce because the state wanted us divorced. Unraveled, you can say what you want about the rules they have to follow, as far as I'm concerned the state and the court and the judge can kiss my ...

[Keep believing]

Same happened to me.  The judge wanted it off his docket. What gives them the right? Nothing was decided of who got what.  We were divorced , then had to go back to make a settlement agreement . This is the dumbest thing I ever heard of but it happened.

[Milly]

I just want to add my bit here, too. I'm very disappointed by how the State handles divorce. It is given a cold look as if it were something unemotional. Emotions are not given any consideration, actually, they are frowned upon. There is no time for telling the judge how I feel, what my kids want, how I think my H behaved, how I worry he might behave.

Once my H asked for a separation the judge pretty much told me in basic words that he was no longer my husband and could do what he wanted (so shut up). And because it is an intimidating situation where your life and your kids livelihoods are being decided by someone who knows nothing about your family, you shut up because you are scared the judge will rule against you if he doesn't like how you talk. I found it to be a very unfair confrontation.

I think the State would do well to re-evaluate how they handle separations and divorces. If it is considered imperative to clear the judge's desk to save money and move cases along to the more 'important' ones, then the State should consider the after affects of divorce: impoverishment of both parties, debt, loss of earnings to spend in the market and boost the economy, devastated children who will most probably grow up to have problems in relationships, low self esteem, high chance they will go on to do the same in the future......I'm no good at numbers, but I can see very clearly how badly the money is being allocated here.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I think the State would do well to re-evaluate how they handle separations and divorces. If it is considered imperative to clear the judge's desk to save money and move cases along to the more 'important' ones, then the State should consider the after affects of divorce: impoverishment of both parties, debt, loss of earnings to spend in the market and boost the economy, devastated children who will most probably grow up to have problems in relationships, low self esteem, high chance they will go on to do the same in the future......I'm no good at numbers, but I can see very clearly how badly the money is being allocated here.

BIG THUMBS UP!

[SunshineThroughRain]

I think in my H's case, this is yet to be determined, but he has dumped her (and picked right back up again) like 6 times.  Multiple times because he states he knows it's wrong and he doesn't love her according to him, (we are now legally divorced so whatever), other times because she's apparently a nut and in his words, "can be verbally abusive." 

All that said, he was paid a visit by the karma fairy this week when she moved here from out of town to be close to him.  She's upset that he won't move in and marry her, and also worked up that he won't let her following him via phone location services.  He's beside himself that she moved here actually - I'm sure because it impedes his bachelor lifestyle.  And let's be honest - she's a stage 5 clinger, and I'm just enjoying the show at this point!!!   

[JoJoJo]

There are several cases here where the MLCer and alienator's lifestyle is a factor, ie they run out of money and the MLCer wants to go back to a more comfortable place, if the LBS allows. I don't think many have a moral epiphany.

For my H he said he was done with the affair long before it was revealed but...he felt stuck and didn't know how to end it.  She was his office manager and he would see her obviously every day at work.  I think that excuse sucks but our therapist explained to me that even though I might not like that answer, that is the answer.  It is how he was feeling at the time and he didn't feel like there was anyway out of the situation.  He didn't want to lose me and he didn't think it was possible to fire her, so he was stuck. 

I think she kept it going because she had power at work being his "kept woman" and believe me all the staff knew what was happening and didn't like the way she used that as her authority, and also she kept it going because she used our company credit card as she pleased.  It was ridiculous!  She charged up between $1,000 and $2,000 a month....in addition to the raises she gave herself. 

How it finally ended....well I found out and I filed for divorce.  She still wasn't planning on going anywhere and assumed I was divorcing him.  But as soon as the divorce started H  had to take her company credit card!  Her spending ended.  He stopped confiding in her because his lawyer told him NO DISCUSSION with her.  Once she had no extra spending it seems like her "love" for H fizzled out.  And he says he followed his lawyer's advice and stopped sharing anything with her.  I think he was relieved to have an excuse to really cut things off.  And she wasn't getting all the extra financial perks....   When we decided to reconcile he fired her.  Had her sign a legal severance agreement and paid her off to get her out the door quietly.  Oddly enough she wasn't looking to rekindle with him.  She had said he was her soulmate but when the money dried up....it was over!  She took her payoff and apparently disappeared. 

[Bewildered survivor]

Well kids came back today and said daddy said if he gets a tattoo it would be our names and OW 🙄. Apparently OW is getting another tattoo. Again opposites- H hated tatoos on women just as he hated smokers. OW has lots of tats and is defo a smoker. Limerence/addiction what ever you want to call it does not seem to be wearing off at 18 months & that’s been 15 months full on living with OW with very public affair. Nope still not bored or disgusted! And if it ever does end it will be pretty hard to ignore the tattoo. I’m pretty sure he says this to the kids as if he’s a kid himself trying to show off about his new girlfriend. The kids say they have no idea why he wants to tell them she’s gettinng a tattoo when they’re not interested and especially when he doesn’t ever show an interest in them or  ask them about their life. 

[hope2018]

My Brain, KB and Milly,
I am sorry that we are in another "club" in which the state has say in our marriages.  I wish there was a like/love button for your posts.

Unraveled,
I am not a dumb person and know that the states have rules.  I know that my H is the one who filed and is the one who could also stop the divorce.  Of course, I am not happy with my H.  He is the one who started this mess.  What I am trying to say is exactly what My Brain stated- our spouses are confused they are unsure of what they want.  If my H was absolutely sure he wanted a divorce he would not have let it sit for from Dec 2017 until Sept 2018.  Sept 2018 is when the judge stepped in.

Sunshine-
I love to see the karma bus make it's stops!  I have also seen in recently.

JoJoJo-
I am so glad you shared your story.  Congratulations on the decision to reconcile!  How long was your H with his AD?

Bewildered-
A tattoo with OW's name!  You have to be kidding me.  Let's hope he doesn't go through with it!

[sachat3]

Jojo aren’t you lucky your Ow disappeared. I get the feeling that should my H ever wish to reconcile (just over a year from BD) Ow would be a nightmare to get rid it.