[terra]

Just stopping by to point out that accusing someone else of pointing fingers is, in fact, itself pointing fingers.

And to say that whether or not ow/om is manipulative to begin with, I don’t think it’s beyond the pale to notice that they sure become so once it’s clear there is a LBS/MLC/AP triangle in play. Or that some AP fight like hell and pull every manner of subtle or blatant “dirty tricks” to hang onto the partner they believe is rightfully theirs.

I value everyone’s story here and even and especially the firsthand accounts of MLC, fully recovered or still recovering. I do not find it helpful or reasonable in the least, to criticize an MLCer’s personal experience as voluntarily told — this is part of recovery, and I feel the engagement and contributed disclosures must be encouraged and welcomed, and appreciated.

It’s a rough road but I don’t see any good in anyone here making it moreso.

No questions from me; glad the thread is back on track, and thank you again, Shocks sis.

[MKnight10]

It is a good reminder - if a sad one - for LBS to resist the rush to date quickly as a way to make themselves feel better.

yep - it didn't make me feel any better, so I stopped. Its not the answer.

[SteelSpine]

I echo terra's post, in SCREAMING CAPS.
So sick of the finger-waggers and nitpickers

MKnight - ditto

Shock's sis, I have not posted here before; I do not not have many questions these days. Like so many others, I deeply appreciate the perspective you bring.
The ow around the corner is a manipulator, similar to your om, and KeepB's ow.  I cannot see the problem some people have in discussing them, they are a hefty piece of the puzzle

I do have a question now, about a coworker of mine who I care about. She is having problems in her marriage, and many things she is saying makes me think she is headed for a possible MLC. My heart breaks for her, because she is so confused and torn apart about what she is feeling. There is no om, and she isn't looking for one. She is just desperately unhappy, feels nothing for her spouse, wants to escape, and is drowning in guilt about it.
Did you go through anything like this, at the beginning, before the anger and resentment you have written about?

[MKnight10]

Hi SS

A quick question.....it could have been asked before, so I apologise if it has....

You have said your MLC lasted around 4yrs. During these four years, did your feelings etc, in particular around what you were doing, including your relationship with the OM....... did it all seem 'normal' to you?

Did you ever question yourself or your actions during these four years?

I say it over again, but thanks again for your insight.....its really appreciated and I hope you continue answering questions when you have the time....MK

[Jackolar12]

Hi SHockSis, what’s the biggest changes in you since MLC, have your previous goals changed at all. Also what are your future goals. Thank you for staying with us and giving us your valuable personal insight into MLC. Take no notice of the few critics you “ROCK” to the majority of us.
Jack

[Shockandawe]

Hi Keep Believing

I take the word liminality to mean depression and facing what I couldn’t. If that’s so then I escaped for as long as I could allowing the fog of confusion and avoidance of what I would have to face to keep me from it.
As I began to emerge from the depths I started to feel as if I was not real anymore, that the person I had become wasn’t me. Sure there were parts of me but overall it was someone I wasn’t and I didn’t like what I had become.
Everything seemed surreal as I woke up if you like and I wanted to withdraw from the world as I was weak and exhausted. It was all I could do to drag myself from my bed every morning. I kind of went inside myself for a while but grew stronger.
If I had done this in the beginning maybe I would never have gone into MLC but I don’t think my brain could have handled it at that time as I was overwhelmed and I think that the brain does this as protection.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Limbo

I didn’t leave my child though I did travel abroad to visit om. You have to try to understand that in MLC I was the most important person at that time and it was ALL about me and my wants. I justified it by thinking that my child would be spending time with her Father and no amount of people trying to tell me otherwise was penetrating my selfish armour.
As MLCers one basic similarity is the overwhelming selfishness. I think your husband is deep in the fog and so he is a world champion selfish person.
I am afraid I’m going to use the word time again for that is what this takes.
Don’t take it personally and be the same parent for your child/ children because your h is childlike himself at the moment.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Steel Spine

Yes I went through all of those feelings and was sure I wanted my ex h gone from my life as I was sure it was his fault that I was so unhappy.
There’s really nothing you can do or say because if she is on the lookout for om then she probably already has one in her sights.

[Shockandawe]

Hi McKnight

Lol my whole crazy MLC fantasy land movie felt completely normal to me until it didn’t.
Once clarity started to invade it began to feel strange and I was even more confused for a while but as more and more clarity took over I began to slowly stop running.
It’s so strange now looking back because I became the very things I disliked in others.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Jack and thanks

I am a much calmer person now. I don’t let things worry me and I talk to Shock if I have something I cannot handle or feel overly stressed by.
I live peacefully and am content to have a good job I enjoy and look forward to spending time with my daughter. We have a very strong bond.
I would like to think I won’t be alone for the rest of my life but I’m content to do so if that’s what is in my future.
In MLC I just couldn’t be alone and cared only about the next minute. Crazy isn’t it?