[Anjae]

Terra, I've answered to you on my thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11158.msg744842#msg744842

Let me state for the record that all those who insist she’s still in MLC are ill-informed and delusional.  What person in MLC regrets their actions and then wants their spouse back?!

It amazes me how some people can live through this, yet still know absolutely NOTHING.

As a general rule, MLCers do not regret it after MLC and when they are fully healed, but when they realize what they have lost. That is, when there is no longer fog or most of the fog lifted.

There seems to be some confusion with MLC stages. It is not after the end of Reintegration, the last stage, that regret comes. It tends to be at the end of Replay, in Liminality or early Re-birth. MLC is far more than Replay.

Following Acorn's posts about her husband allows for understanding it in real time, since he has been walking on post-Replay stages.

MLC stages overview: https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_stages.html

[beyondblessed]

Shock here

Anjae in my opinion, given the fact you have no problem with giving your own opinions, I think you need to do a lot of inner work and fast. You come across as argumentative, aggressive, angry and bitter. Are you this way in reality? Nitpicking every word that doesn’t fit your particular situation.
There’s really a very simple solution here and that is if this thread makes you so angry why would you read anything on here much less respond?It seems obvious to me anyway that you enjoy the negativity of confrontation. Do you really need to be on a thread which obviously angers you? Negativity is not good for anyone.
I really do hope you have a life which isn’t filled with the anger and bitterness you portray on here because if that’s the case I feel very sorry for you.

May God bless you and give you the peace you so obviously lack.
Shock and awe

Amen, to all of this.  Oh, and to answer the question that you directed to me,  Anjae, yes, I am quite aware that you've had your own MLC.  It just has absolutely no bearing on Shock Sis's thread, which is why I never felt any kind of need to acknowledge it.

I must say though, that for having one and dealing with someone else's for a decade +, if this is what recovery looks like for a MLC 'er, then I'm glad to have nailed the door shut and completely cut the cord because there is no way in hell I'd ever live with someone who appears to still need that spotlight and external validation 100% of the time.

[megogirl]

Everything beyond blessed just said

There is nothing more annoying than one who hijacks another’s thread with their *own* plight.

Yet it keeps happening over, and over again....SERENITY, NOW!

[Anjae]

Thank you, Song. There is a difference between what I come across and what I am. This is written word. There is no voice tone, not facial or body expression.

What you wrote could not be further from the truth. You would be pressed hard to find someone in the real world that thinks what you think.


The mods can split a thread if they see fit.

[Shockandawe]

Hi 3boys

I think he’s still deep in it. I was extremely selfish and thoughtless and if anyone tried to tell me, advise me or reason with me I would immediately ignore everything they said for they were wrong and I deserved a fabulous movie star life.
Until I began having clarity nothing and no one could convince me otherwise.

[Shockandawe]

Hi BIB

Well I had to think quite a bit about this and I know I did have a problem with abandonment issues. Attachment has always been something I went all out for and was fearful of abandonment. I think this stemmed from our father having his MLC and abandoning us in favour of his ow. From my own experience during MLC I felt as if I spent the biggest part of my life alone. Even as a child I felt as if I was the loner. As Shock and I are very close in age I was only 13 months old when she was born and I was only a baby myself. Although I understand that our parents never favoured one child over the other that is how it felt to me. I felt as if I was pushed out.
Something I thought about was that although in MLC I was like a rebellious teenager and although I didn’t realise it I was healing the broken child inside. I think this is the purpose of MLC and I healed even though I didn’t realise it.
The fact I don’t feel as I did about my life long issues is testament to that.
Glad you’re back btw.

[rosetintedglasses]

Hi BIB

Well I had to think quite a bit about this and I know I did have a problem with abandonment issues. Attachment has always been something I went all out for and was fearful of abandonment. I think this stemmed from our father having his MLC and abandoning us in favour of his ow. From my own experience during MLC I felt as if I spent the biggest part of my life alone. Even as a child I felt as if I was the loner. As Shock and I are very close in age I was only 13 months old when she was born and I was only a baby myself. Although I understand that our parents never favoured one child over the other that is how it felt to me. I felt as if I was pushed out.
Something I thought about was that although in MLC I was like a rebellious teenager and although I didn’t realise it I was healing the broken child inside. I think this is the purpose of MLC and I healed even though I didn’t realise it.
The fact I don’t feel as I did about my life long issues is testament to that.
Glad you’re back btw.

Sis this is a great reply and really interesting in bold. Thanks for taking the time.

Rose 🌹

[megogirl]

I thought the exact same thing, Rose - about the words you put in boldface.

Others have also mentioned “healing the broken child inside.”  It would stand to reason.  I guess I will just never understand why the MLCer feels compelled to kick their spouse to the curb in order for that to happen.  How does that help to heal anything?

RCR says every repression, and memory, of their broken past is (subconsciously) dealt with during MLC.  Perhaps that’s why the MLCer is so different afterwards - because they are finally cleansed of all their demons? 

That’s what I’ve envisioned, anyway...!

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Thanks for your response SIS. It means a lot to me since I'm still trying to heal the broken child(ren) inside me. I hope my wife manages to heal the broken child within her as well as you have.

Glad you’re back btw.

Thanks for this too. It made my eyes water a little. One of my biggest issues is not only feeling alone but feeling like I don't belong anywhere.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Think about it Mego. His mind is taking him back to a time when you weren't a part of his life. He didn't have a wife when he was 4 years old. He's re-living that time and you weren't a part of his life then.

Edited to add the phrase "in my opinion". I keep forgetting to include that.