[MyBrainIsBroken]

I do not think it is intentional, I do not think he realizes how cruel his actions are....never the less the impact on my life, is a result of his actions.

I agree. I believe the same thing about my wife and her actions.

[Keep believing]

What was your h like to you during your mlc? The thing that gets me the most was that I was kind at times but then felt taken advantage of. Then there were times that we talked and I thought he understood. Nothing would change. This would cause anger in me then I would lash out. I am in no contact now .
Regardless of a reconciliation because he thinks I am the enemy , would he still end it with ow if he hits bottom?

[Anon]

Hi SS.  We keep hearing about the emotional angst and pain of the MLCer.   Many people who have HAD A MLC and have also been a LBS say if they could choose just one, they would choose to be the LBS because the MLC was much worse.   You may have answered this question somewhere in your previous threads and if so, I apologize but this is my question:

Can you identify any portion of your MLC were you felt genuinely happy?  Or any time during the crisis when you truly felt peace and contentment? 

If so,,what stage of your crisis did that occur?  If your answer is Replay and since Replay is the longest stage and can span several years, can you be more specific, eg early replay, mid-replay, or late replay? 

Thanks SS 

[Milly]

Schock sis, thank you so much for continuing to contribute to this thread. So many of us appreciate what you have to say. Many or most of us have no idea what is going on in the head of our MLCer, our Hs. You help us immensely.

Your final line is also very valuable. As far as I'm concerned, an LBS is free to stand or not, or stand for a while until she doesn't, whatever she feels is right for her. Hopefully, this is a place where any of these options are ok.

[Seahorse]

SS - I also thank you for our insight into am X- MLCer's processing of thoughts, behavior, interpretations, etc.
It is invaluable to those of us LBSs who have no clue what transpires in their heads.

You are very appreciated.

Sea

[Shockandawe]

Hi Rose

As I began to feel confusion and anger right at the beginning, before the fog descended fully I thought that was the worst part because I had all these mixed emotions ranging from a feeling of desperate sadness to this building dislike of my ex h. I felt lost and desperately lonely and didn’t know who I was. I couldn’t understand why I felt like this and began to form the idea it had to be because of my ex h. He brought about all of these feelings and if I could escape him then I would be happy.

Pre MLC I thought this was the worst time because I detached from him and began to live this selfish and all consuming fantasy of what I now know was total fantasy. My actions during this time were just completely self motivated and entirely about me. You would think I would be happy to have what I thought I wanted but it was escapism and rather than face what I was trying to run from I became faster at running so to speak. It was exhausting as I tried to ignore my moments of (sanity?) clarity. MLC was all consuming as you don’t get to bypass anything as once on this path I had to complete the journey. It’s like being on a hamster wheel, it didn’t matter how hard and fast I ran or how long I was running when I got out of the wheel I was back where I started but time had moved on.

Looking back now none of it was good but ALL of it was necessary.

[Jackolar12]

SS, you explain things so well I can see now why my former wife changed so rapidly from loving me to hating me,although she never actually said she hated me her actions thereafter spoke louder than words. She also said some bizzare things to me during that time. Once she told me " in three weeks you will forget all about me" we had been married for the best part of 26 years at that time. Can you remember making any bizzare statements to your former spouse or others that they questioned you about post MLC.
Kind regards
Jack

[Thunder]

Jack,

Mine said something similar. "You'll meet someone else within 3 months."

We had been together 27 years at the time.   

[Seahorse]

SS - I also find your response to Rose's question interesting as my H got angrier and angrier as he began to pull away at the beginning of MLC.

"Pre MLC I thought this was the worst time because I detached from him and began to live this selfish and all consuming fantasy of what I now know was total fantasy. My actions during this time were just completely self motivated and entirely about me. You would think I would be happy to have what I thought I wanted but it was escapism and rather than face what I was trying to run from I became faster at running so to speak."

I'm curious why you mention this time of selfishness and detachment as "pre-MLC"?  I always thought that part of our journey was part of his crisis.

Also, I can't remember if you were a monster?  If so, can you remember when you began to stop monstering and blaming and what was going on inside your head at that time?
I apologize if you've answered this already.

Sea

[Thunder]

Seahorse, if I may.
I believe they have a few stages before they actually go into their MLC completely.

There is Anger, the Denial.

Ok, SS?