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Author Topic: My Story My third thread: Still living in interesting times

s
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My Story My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#20: July 08, 2020, 03:53:59 PM

Does anyone else have a similar experience of a sibling of their MLCer also having a MLC?


Well, my MLCer has a brother (he'll be 59 in September) who just married for the thrid time a few months ago.  She's 32 and from the Philippines.   ::)
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

H
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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#21: July 08, 2020, 07:50:29 PM
Does anyone else have a similar experience of a sibling of their MLCer also having a MLC?

My MIL and SIL have both had MLC episodes.  They have all been of the mild type.  Quit job pack up and move.  MIL wasn’t married at the time but she did this 3 times before eventually coming home for good after about 5 years of running.  SIL gave husband 2 weeks notice that she was leaving there home in HAwaii and moving back stateside.  She had multiple nervous breakdowns prior claiming she was homesick.  Poor BIL is now stuck living his retirement out in the Midwest after she picked Hawai’i when he retired.
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W51
M54
Together 27 Married 22
S21  S19
BD 9/29/19 (Moved out while I was away for weekend with no prior warning.  I was shocked)

T
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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#22: July 19, 2020, 03:41:18 PM
Seems it might be a family thing.  Makes sense, if FOO issues play a large part in a MLCers MLC.    Latest on mine is that the BIL has now moved in with W.  Seems they’ll be having their MLC together for a while.  Just when you think your MLC experience can’t get any weirder....
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“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#23: July 19, 2020, 10:01:38 PM
Oh wow, a double MLC?

What fun that would be.

On a positive note though: I've found that some MLC'ers attach to ex-MLC'ers as friends (maybe because they "understand"?).
Two siblings going thru replay together though, that's a new one.

Maybe they will look out for each other.

-SS
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W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

T
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#24: July 22, 2020, 03:16:13 PM
Yep, a double MLC SS,  a very odd set up.  Maybe they will support each other or maybe just reinforce their views about how bad their spouses were.   Apparently the SIL has persuaded her husband to go to counselling with her.  I said she should go in hope not but not expectation.  He seems to have made his mind up. 

On a separate note, after catching up on some of OGH’s Facebook broadcasts, I released I’ve just passed the 2 and a half year mark since BD - and never realised it!   I’m taking that as a sign and starting to look forward now more than backwards. 
Moon
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“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#25: July 23, 2020, 08:54:03 AM
My friend and her brother have bern doing this for closing in on 10 years. They become each other's OP, without any romantic entanglements. Just mistreat each other terribly. My friend keeps expecting something different and I keep asking "Why would you? You were not good siblings when you were younger, what has changed? " The answer is nothing, they still haven't worked out their issues. My friends brother does none of the standard day to day things normal people do, like paying their bills, then acts put upon when the power is turned off. If my friend nags him to pay the bills, he resents her for the reminder that he doesnt pay them. She's like a mother, which makes sense since their mother was not responsible and their father was (imo) a jerk who went around insulting everyone to make himself feel better.

It's kind of fascinating to watch, having known the family dynamics.
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When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#26: July 25, 2020, 06:24:49 AM
Just when you think your MLC experience can’t get any weirder....

Lol Expect the unexpected is right Moon!

Hopefully it helps you realise it is all her issues and not your marriage.

You sound good, 2.5 years since BD - nice to be this side of it isn’t it.

Rose 🌹
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

T
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#27: July 27, 2020, 03:19:06 PM
Thanks OffRoad.  I get the impression from my daughters that he’s hardly ever there atm.  All very odd but as you say, interesting to watch. 

Hi Rose.  Hope you’re ok.  Yes, I’ve been telling the SIL the same thing, that she mustn't think that this is about her or the marriage.  At the moment, of the two of them, only she knows the truth of her marriage.   Yes,  2.5 years but it really doesn’t seem that long ago but I’ve learned how to cope and am slowly but surely moving on.  I still find it unbearably sad when D6 says something that suggests she can’t remember a time when her parents were together and I worry what that will do to her as she grows up.  But I’m coping and keeping myself busy.   How are you doing? 
Moon
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“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

T
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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#28: September 08, 2020, 02:26:44 PM
Wedding Anniversary today.  Nothing to note.  Last year W did make contact to see how I felt.  Nothing this year.  I wondered whether to contact her, but refrained.  Was that the right thing to do?   It’s over 2 and a half years now since BD, perhaps I’m still expecting too much too soon.  Anyway, by way of recognising the event I put my wedding ring back on for the day.   I thought it would feel funny, but it felt so comfortable I hardly noticed.  I still hope one day to get to wear it again properly.

Anyway, last week W invites me to go with her and our two daughters to the zoo together.  We had a lovely day, and the girls - especially D6 - loved it, especially mummy and daddy being together.  I don’t know whether to cherish these moments, or feel heart broken that each one could be the last.  Such a feeling of limbo atm . 

Hope everyone on here is keeping well.
Moon.
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“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#29: September 08, 2020, 03:46:39 PM
Probably the hardest day of the year WA in this situation so well done on getting through it.

I am not sure they realise what day it is, or they can’t care for some reason.

Glad you marked it and wore your ring. Sad it’s not for real and as we know who knows what will happen in the future. Certainly didn’t expect the last 2.5 years to happen I know that. 

The zoo day sounded good. I would try to take it as a good memory and nothing more. I’m sure it won’t be the last. You will
always be a family, nothing can change that.

How are you doing with lockdown?

Rose 🌹
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

 

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