[Anjae]

All I can see for sure... is they feel so piss poor about themselves and it gives them great self satisfaction of feeling of self worth that someone is willing to go to these lengths with them.  That is all I can figure... 

Exactly, if someone is wiling to go to such lenghts with them, than, hey much be worthy. Given that they feel low and confused (my husband says that a few times when he is writing to OW1), someone willing to change their life from them, is all they need. My husband just forgot to read between the lines, well, no, just forgot to read the lines. If he had, he would had noticed that all OW1 wanted was to be able to live in the big city. She says it herself, so, my husband is a certified fool.

Funny how they see us as a problem and they put up with loads of rubish from the other person. And their fear of losing other person. Never mind losing a marriage, losing other person can not be. 

[kikki]

Don't forget that our spouses have morphed into their alien opposites.  Everything is opposite in the crisis.
Unfortunately because of that, we can't walk the path with them - they need dysfunction for that - and boy, do they succeed in finding it 

[ziggee]

All I can see for sure... is they feel so piss poor about themselves and it gives them great self satisfaction of feeling of self worth that someone is willing to go to these lengths with them.  That is all I can figure... 

Funny how they see us as a problem and they put up with loads of rubish from the other person. And their fear of losing other person. Never mind losing a marriage, losing other person can not be. 

Losing their marriage... Children... will the kids be ready to forgive?  Respect in the community.. friends and how about self respect?

[Anjae]

[Losing their marriage... Children... will the kids be ready to forgive?  Respect in the community.. friends and how about self respect?

Ah! the marriage means nothing! They need to be happy, to have a new life, to go their own way, to be by themselves (with other person on their arm, of course)...

I don't have children so don't really know how it would be with them but, if a mum or dad was up to what my husband is...well...they would not be very happy with the situation. Guess it depends of how old they are and how much damage the MLCer has done/is doing.

Respect in the community also counts for nothing. Mine made sure he moved to another part of town, got a new set of unmarried and much younger friends and made everyone believe he only got together with OW1 after he no longer lived home. I'm not gonna bother tell otherwise.

it is all about them, them, them.

[ziggee]

Hrrm really... I would have thought that other peoples perceptions would have mattered a lot.  It seems that all that is important to her.  Am I doing well at my job.  Do people think I am doing a good job?  Do I look right.. am I saying the right thing.  This is what I hear all the time.  Which is odd to me... both my wife and I have never really cared what people at large thought about us.

Me.

[Anjae]

you are right, kikki, they've become their opposites. Will they manege to go back to their normal selves since they have lived as their opossite for a while, sometimes years?...

ziggee, your wife worries what people think of her? Well, in a sence they do, theu wanna be aproved in whatever they do, they look for validation, no matter how crazy the stuff they come up with. Hence, the validating other person. But they stop caring about the marriage, spouse, children, sometimes even the job. Many stop caring about relatives and friends. 

[crazyforhim]

I have been told that OW no matter what or how bad it is with H and her she isn't going to walk away anytime soon.
She is going to fight to the bitter end for her man....OMG I thought I was going to be sick when I heard that.
Can't they just break up already- it is SO all about appearances!!

[kikki]

Yip - I believe that's right crazy.  When you're that desperate and needy and want 'power' at all costs, you're not going to walk away and have nothing.
Unless of course the OW has an even better piece of fodder lined up in the wings!

[Anjae]

crazy, yep, yep, OW will fight for "her" man until the end. Or until he stops giving her enough attention.

I have hundreds of pages of letters written between OW1 and husband and she is always talking about being there fighting for the both of them, how she will always fight for them... 

Now, presume is OW2 fighting for "her" man...

[ziggee]

ziggee, your wife worries what people think of her? Well, in a sence they do, theu wanna be aproved in whatever they do, they look for validation, no matter how crazy the stuff they come up with. Hence, the validating other person. But they stop caring about the marriage, spouse, children, sometimes even the job. Many stop caring about relatives and friends.

Oh big time... she worries more about what her boss and her new friends think more then anything else in the entire world.  She wants to hear she is good enough... smart enough and fantastic enough... thanks george smiley... I dont understand where this comes from at all.