[MsZing]

Ya know, for my 2c worth, this is all pretty heavy. I think I need to dust off my intellectual cap ! LOL. I'm also getting more and more confused and dishearted reading the growing chain

However, the quotes below from Still Standing gives clarity for me

It's entirely possible -- likely, even -- that a non-MLCing walkaway spouse can have a similar awakening. It may not be as dramatic as some of the "coming out of the tunnel" stories that we hear, but just as your spouse grew to love you, then married you, then grew away from you (MLCing or not), they can swing back towards you once again.

* Living by themselves may not be as fulfilling as they thought.
* The dating scene isn't very promising.
* Their finances are a lot more precarious.
* They still interact with you because of kids, friends and family, or social or work-related obligations.

If you want to put it as a (simplified) rational proposition, there are two cases:

1) The spouse is leaving because they are in an unhappy relationship. The window for which you have an opportunity to change their mind closes in a year.
2) The spouse is going through MLC. The timeframe for this particular MLC is 3-4 years before they come out of the tunnel.

I know there is no one size fits all, but I think there is clarity in what Standing writes.

Just my 2c, thats all folks

[kaffe diem]

This does not sound like something I would consider "normal"...  but it isn't...  CRAZY...  it's...  just not...  "normal"...     I think...

Kaffe..... this IS crazy.....it's crazy.... think about it...

erm...  ok, so I'm getting the feeling that you believe this could be MLC, LG...?   

lol, ok...  the way you frame it, it certainly seems a little more than out of norm...   

I'm joking, I really get what you are saying...  in the moment, I was...  well...  you know how people do that...  straight face that comedian side kicks do...  that was me...  I walked in...  stutter stepped as I looked at the two of them...  turned, grabbed a shirt out of the dresser and walked out...  she came right out behind me, claiming that the other 5 adults that had stayed the night had just been in the room and left only 30 seconds prior...  *shrug*...  and of course, enabling friend was right there with her rationalizing the sitch and what I DIDN'T see...

I get that is the reaction of a teenager busted by a parent...  and I get the crazy in the rationalization...  but I'm thinking...

ok, am I really in denial...?     I think to myself that this could simply be a WAS that somehow forgot that I was in the house and would need to grab a shirt before I went to work...  and was really innocent in the bed with this guy...

Is that called PTSD...  or co-dependence that I'm trying to make the crazy bad...  look not so bad...?  But really, couldn't a WAS do the same and accidentally get caught in a compromised position and try to deny, justify and rationalize...?

But then, I guess...  wouldn't a sane, rational person go into the...  "OMG, I am SO SORRY!!!  It was wrong!  I did not mean it!!!  I will never do that again!!!"  Unless, they had already chosen out...  by way of OM...  and she'd simply say, "I want out!  Bye!"

~~~~~~~~~

OK...  yeah...  I guess that's kinda crazy...     I'll tell you thought, things certainly didn't get better after that...  that's when the blaming really started...  the more overt monster arrived...  I was gone 25 days later...

[kaffe diem]

oh crap...  now that I think about it...  I never knew my W prior to her R with D13's bio dad...  She was in an abusive R, physically and emotionally...  and then ends up PG with D13 at the end and they two of them began a very co-D R...

hmmmm...

Maybe it's my W who had PTSD...  because she'd always shown signs of borderline and narc for as far as I'd known her...  and there were little things that I later learned from MIL about things that my W said about her mom, but her mom would be all like... 

oh yeah...  and OM3's first name is the same as D13's bio dad...

[ece711]

MLC vs. vanilla WAS?

This is a very good topic and how I wish I could really add to what has been already written.  It is very interesting because the line between the 2 could be found not on the leaving party, but to more on the one left behind.
 Having said that...  is it possible also that because the distinction of the 2 is really slight that "I" or "me" as the left behind would want to believe either label due to where I'm at in my own journey in finding oneself?  Is it possible that in the early stages of my journey that I could lean towards labeling my ex-spouse as MLC rather than WAS because the possibility of coming back is a lot greater if I chose to label her as MLC rather than WAS?

[LettingGo]

Is that called PTSD...  or co-dependence that I'm trying to make the crazy bad...  look not so bad...?

I'm not a qualified counselor, but for what I get paid around here.... I do have an opinion!! It's PTSD.

[Mamma Bear]

  What if we try an compare a bank robbery to a WAS/MLCer.
  There is a kind of robber who thinks it up in a panic fails miserably and kidnaps a hostage for good measure. Ends up wholed up in the bank sweating and cornered and confused.
   Then there is Brad Pitt in Oceans 11.................that might be WAS  and the 1st scenario would be MLC

[LettingGo]

Mamma.... that's actually a very good analogy!! And I can give a for instance about bank robberies since the one I work at has been robbed twice in the last year! Both times, the perp was caught the next day... scenario actually goes like this.... drug addict walks into the bank with gloves on and a hoodie in the middle of summer.... gives a note to the teller saying he has a gun and don't give him the bait money.... he drew a PICTURE of a gun in the note, I guess in case the teller was illiterate, (which isn't so far fetched given our pay scale).... teller gives him all the money in her drawer which is around $300 because we are so high volume, all the cash goes immediately into an automatic electronic vault at our side... perp runs from bank on foot only to be caught within 24 hours.

You're right, it hardly compares withe very realistic and entertaining Oceans 11, LOL!! By the way, you are like a modern day Erma Bombeck!! I can't compete!!

[Standing in Patience]

Although he says he is WAS, I still believe it may be MLC. H says "I only stayed with you because of the children".

"It's one thing to feel unfulfilled in a relationship; it's another to change how you dress, or develop a whole new social life, or dive into addictive behaviors. Also, people who are just in an unhappy relationship don't run away from their family and friends, or quit their job."

And I will add... move to the other side of the country!

Monsterish...

[Anjae]

  What if we try an compare a bank robbery to a WAS/MLCer.
  There is a kind of robber who thinks it up in a panic fails miserably and kidnaps a hostage for good measure. Ends up wholed up in the bank sweating and cornered and confused.
   Then there is Brad Pitt in Oceans 11.................that might be WAS  and the 1st scenario would be MLC

Yep, first case is MLC, second WAS. It is a pity that the MLC robber takes ages to get realise the mess he made and negociate the way out of the bank...

[With Gods Help!]

I thought this site was/is for LBS whose spouses are in MLC......if other people think their spouse is a WAS shouldn’t they be posting on another site...........as this site does the total opposite to the infidelity site.......this site encourages you to stand but not to stand still as mentioned infidelity sites encourages the LBS to leave the WAS sorry ass...........................i think if i was a newbie i would be put off by reading this thread it seems to go against most things that are mentioned in the articles and what the aims of this forum is for.........when i came here it was because i knew after reading the infidelity forums my h wasn’t just a WAS....... my gut/instincts told me there was more to it  and the way my h and many other MLCers are acting is insane my instinct was right and ive seen with my own eyes to believe it....xxxxxxxx