[i can and will cope]

omg that is so good i am so happy for you and i send you love and best wishes too hugs hdic xx

[Sha10613]

StillHoping,

I am so so so happy for you!  I hope you have a wonderful vacation. God bless.
My prayers and thoughts are with you.  Your story is just what I needed to hear this morning.
BIG HUGS
Sha:)

[Gone crazy]

Having now seen this in my own life and read about MLC I recognize this in a friend of mine..

They were married 17 years have 3 children. During pregnancy of last child she was having affair. I didn't know this until after birth of baby. Anyway, she was my friend and though she new I didn't agree,  I continued to be her friend. I always encouraged her to leave her husband or stop. Of course she never really listened.

Long story short. She had two very controlling boyfriends during marriage. I'm amazed at the relationship they carried on for years. Second OM lasted at least 3 years, his wife finally found out told  my friends husband.
However in between times my friend quit her job ( because she was going to get fired for using work computer to talk to boyfriend)  to start a "dream" business. This was her way of making time for affair. She never worked and was running the business via phone. It obviously didn't make much money.  She did got in trouble with IRS. Owed a lot of money.

Ok so both couples get divorced.. The affair ends. Imagine that? Anyway friend is still searching for happiness after divorce.. Starts an affair with another female. This is where I continued to pray for her but we no longer "friends". The female is just as manipulative as the men except she was better at making it seem love.

Ok so she finally sees this for what it is..or so I thought. Husband had dated during time apart. ( MLCer didn't like this at all! Amazes me, really.) however, he still wanted his family intact. Year after divorce we packed her stuff and moved her back home with husband.. He caught her lying one time and he moved out!!

I do honestly believe she wants to be there but she hasn't made her way all the way through the tunnel. Husband of course doesn't understand anything about MLC he just sees it as affairs and he is hurt. I do believe he wants her but is scared with good reason..

So there is a case where I think they want to return but may be too late..   

[Beautiful Heart]

Thank you, Beautiful Heart

I need the good wishes and your time will come, too.  Just be patient, no matter how hard it is, it will pass and things will eventually get better.

The best advice I can give is to detach from all the madness and let them deal with it on their own, don't get involved, don't take it personal, because it's not. 

best wishes!

SH

Oh StillHoping,

Thank you for the words of encouragement! You made my evening. It was a challenging day today, and I needed to hear something good. Keep posting so we can all follow along. I'm just so happy for you! 

BH

[Sha10613]

I tutor a teenager with Asperger's syndrome on the weekends, but requested a break from it when this whole thing happened.  When I was explaining what happened to the mother, she told me a story about her own MLC.

Approximately 4 years ago (when she turned 41), she said that she went through a MLC.  She said that she started to feel resentful towards her H and that he didn't give her enough attention and affection.  She said that she contacted her ex bf (from 18 years prior) in the US (we live in Canada), and started an EA with him. 

Side note:  I was tutoring her son at the time, and I vaguely remember this time because she would say the weirdest things to me, and I thought she was the biggest crazy weirdo.  I remember one day specifically; after I had tutored her son, we were talking outside about his progress and in the middle of our conversation she blurts out, 'If it wasn't for son, I would've packed up my  bags, moved to Florida, and met a guy down there.  The only reason I stay here is because son has Autism and it is better for him to be here where there are free services for him'.   I remember nervously laughing it off, as she was clearly married and I didn't know why the heck she was telling me that!  We weren't talking about anything like that    I remember telling my H and he said, 'What the..?'

Anyway, I didn't bring those times up while she was telling me her story recently - I just listened.  She continued on and said that after a couple of weeks she quit her high profile job in Toronto and packed her bags to leave - planning to leave her son behind.  I had to interrupt when she said that because I KNOW this woman loves her son sooooo much and would do anything for him.  She said that she didn't know what the hell came over her, but that, 'MLC is real... TRUST ME, Sha!'.  She said many times, 'I don't know what the hell I was thinking'.  Anyway, her H begged her not to go and she agreed to stay, but did not want to.  In thinking back, I DO remember there being EXTREME tension in their house for a while, during the time she was mentioning.  I would say that things have been better in the last two years.  She told me that it is a work in progress, but they are now in a much better place.  She is definitely telling the truth, because I hear them all the time when I am tutoring... much more loving and sweet to each other.  I guess her crisis was approximately 2 years (or 2 years and a bit).  Funny, she tells me not to wait around.. I reassured her that I am not 'waiting' but 'living' while healing.  When I asked her why she would say that, she said 'Men are different than woman - I stayed because I knew how much it would hurt my son and what it would do to him - he wouldn't be able to handle it with his autism (Note: I can see how she would think that - I don't know what he would've done) and me & H just happened to eventually work through it'.  She also said, 'A man who leaves may not come back'.  I guess that is her thought on that issue.  I believe that God will guide my H though this someday, and I hope to be there.  Only God knows what will happen and I am okay with that.  

[xyzcf]

I was told this story today by a friend at church. She heard from a good friend who lives out of state. Her girlfriend has been divorced 5 years after a 17 year marriage. She did not want the divorce. I do not know if there was an OW.

A month ago her ex h called her out of the blue and stated that he had made the worse mistake of his life. He wanted to know if they could start seeing one another. She has agreed to see him but has told my friend that she would never marry him again. They are both coming to visit my friend in the near future so I may get to meet them.

I'll keep you updated.

[bestfriends]

If you stay, how do you ever get over it.  I don't know what to do, I stayed but I am trapped in my own depressive thoughts. 

[FindingJoJo]

If you stay, how do you ever get over it.  I don't know what to do, I stayed but I am trapped in my own depressive thoughts.

I think that the only real thing we can do if we stay is to build a new life, focus on who we want to be and work towards that.  Our thoughts are our own to control and when we determine what we want and go for it (that is not just our spouse home at all costs) we truly do heal and begin to live again.  The key is to really live and have a fulfilled life.  The sad reality for us is that yes we are hurt, depressed, angry and with good reason but to be whole again we must work through those issues and we get to do it alone.  No one wants to be around a sad depressed person.  For me I realized that and honestly I don't like being around my spouse when he is depressed it is a drag, so I can see how they wouldn't want to be around us if we are depressed.  I know it doesn't help but that is just been my experience.

[Thirsty Duck]

I listened to this interview on CNN earlier in the week. It has absolutely nothing to do with MLC, but more so with the power of positive thinking to overcome devastating & traumatic experiences and how to overcome them.

New reporter Miles O'Brien Opens spoke about going To 'Dark Place' after losing his arm in an accident.

"To me there’s two choices: you can either look at it as yet another challenge in life, something you need to overcome, or you end up in a very dark place," O'Brien said. "I didn’t like the dark place when I went down that road briefly. So I’m going to stay on this road and work on the challenge."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/20/miles-obrien-arm-amputated-depression_n_4999190.html

[Hmmm]

I'm starting to see MLC everywhere too. Films, books, TV but it is never named.

Last night I saw an old colleague and chatted about his ex. Ten years ago she left suddenly with the builder who was working on their house. She was depressed and put all the blame on him. She's still with the builder and drinks like a fish. Never confronted her depression but wishes she never left my friend. He is newly engaged and she is very jealous. He says being with someone 'normal' is a breath of fresh air.

In the village I lived in five years ago looking back it happened to three mums I knew.
One ran off with someone he was fitting a kitchen for
One was pretending he was working nights as a courier but seeing OW-business was ruined
One was seeing OW secretly, left wife, came back and got her pregnant then saw OW so wife kicked him out. All three spouses sold house and did not forgive

Two couples had a transitioning H I think. One addicted to online poker and going to motor races. One depressed with job and they almost split up but worked through it and moved to another town with more prospects-ok now.

FIL was depressed for seven years and had breakdown and affair which became a sexual harassment case so left his job. In the meantime step MIL started chatting online and met a man in Australia who she ran off with and is now engaged to. Crazy stuff from a bank manager and ex Army Sargent!

Wish I'd been aware of what it was from day one