[MyBrainIsBroken]

Jim Conway's wife Sally Conway wrote "Women in Midlife Crisis". Used copies are still available. It's interesting enough to read but has a little too much of a "midlife is an empowering time for a woman in crisis". feel to it for me. Some parts seem to focus on the crisis aspects and others seem to focus on women being released from the bondage of their stale marriages. For the most part I've found that most of what you read about the males also applies to the females because their personalities seem to be similar in spite of their being different genders.

[OldPilot]

Jim Conway's wife Sally Conway wrote "Women in Midlife Crisis". Used copies are still available. It's interesting enough to read but has a little too much of a "midlife is an empowering time for a woman in crisis". feel to it for me. Some parts seem to focus on the crisis aspects and others seem to focus on women being released from the bondage of their stale marriages. For the most part I've found that most of what you read about the males also applies to the females because their personalities seem to be similar in spite of their being different genders.

My book review
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1965.msg175433#msg175433

Also Surviving Male Menopause - Jed Diamond
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1965.msg175111#msg175111


also  The Wisdom of Menopause" by Christine Northrup
and Menopause by Sally Conway
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1965.msg175112#msg175112

[Reallytrying]

Jed Diamond's books are very good.  He is actually my IC and is very very helpful.

[Divehard]

So M B B is women in midlife crisis a good self help book for my W in MLC from a pro marriage standpoint?  The release from the bondage of a stale marriage reference is a bit frightening to me. I did buy aused copy and is on my reading list after i finish DR Dobsons "Love must be tough"

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I'm a little confused. Are you looking for a book for yourself or for a book for your wife to read?

[Divehard]

I'm looking for both I guess. I'd like to think she is intelligent enough to realize what's happening to her and if she gets some good pro-marriage information on MLC then it might sink in. I'd also like to get some good information for myself and guidance. I know I'm not alone facing this now that I found this site and I find some comfort in that. I desperately want to communicate that I'm there to listen and talk with her about some of the things that she's feeling. Maybe I'm just an a$$ but almost 34 years of marriage and this comes out of nowhere. Its been a few months and divorce papers are filed and I feel that there has to be a way to break through and find my wife and try to pull her out of this living nightmare where we now find ourselves.  I asked for a coach and hope that will help but I'm sure that I'm at the back of the line.

[Divehard]

I made a mistake I thought I asked for a Mentor. I'll ask again.

[Ready2Transform]

I'm looking for both I guess. I'd like to think she is intelligent enough to realize what's happening to her and if she gets some good pro-marriage information on MLC then it might sink in.

Believe me, my xH was the type that read self-help books and was one of the most intelligent people I've ever met, but when they are in this space, they have NO awareness. You will be seen as judging her or trying to "diagnose her out of this" if you give her books. Spend your energy on you.

I'd also like to get some good information for myself and guidance. I know I'm not alone facing this now that I found this site and I find some comfort in that. I desperately want to communicate that I'm there to listen and talk with her about some of the things that she's feeling. Maybe I'm just an a$$ but almost 34 years of marriage and this comes out of nowhere. Its been a few months and divorce papers are filed and I feel that there has to be a way to break through and find my wife and try to pull her out of this living nightmare where we now find ourselves.  I asked for a coach and hope that will help but I'm sure that I'm at the back of the line.

Your first sentence is the right attitude. I know it is not what you want to hear, but you are likely the last person she wants support from right now. It is physically and emotionally painful to not try to step in and stop this, especially early on, but your efforts will likely not garner the results you want. I'm sure you'll have a mentor assigned soon to lean on. So sorry you find yourself at this place, but we all can totally relate.

[Divehard]

Thanks R2T.
Is there any way to get her professional help? From what I'm learning, sounds like she'd just reject it anyway. I just wish there could be some kind of an intervention. This is so unbelievable to me. After living through our share of acccidents, funerals, and family tragedies that we experienced together along with the babies, weddings, and all the milestones and great things that we experienced, I felt like we really became one together. I guess I'm still in denial and disbelief.

[Ready2Transform]

My dad still kind of scolds me for not having my xH committed. He doesn't realize it's not 1940 and you can't just do that. Sometimes though, it doesn't seem like such a bad idea!

About a year and a half before BD my xH and I talked about what was "happening" with him (he described it as not feeling like himself) and he first went to his MD who then sent him to a psychiatrist and therapist. He was diagnosed bipolar and I'm not certain that he isn't. But about 6 months in he chose to stop treatment, including meds as well as therapy. His psychiatrist warned him against it, but even he said there was nothing he could do to stop my xH if he was determined to quit. So even when they do get help - it doesn't always help, and it just proves that no one but the MLCer can make the choice for their own care.