[In this for ME]

In general, women report that having their husbands become emotionally intimate with another woman is more upsetting than a physical affair, where men report that having their wives sleeping with someone else is more upsetting than an emotional affair

I still think it's a bunch of hooey- emotional intmacy??? With and MLCER?? Its a train wreck!!

They can't be anymore intimate with ow skanks  than they could with us; actually I think it may be even less!! They are mentally incapacitated!!

 The crap that comes out of thier mouths in our direction goes to the skanky hoes too. The skanky hoes don't have the HISTORY with them so MLCERS can pretend to be whatever they want to be.

But we know different- we KNOW them. And even with as "checked out" mentally as they are THEY KNOW WE KNOW THEM!

[Synicca]

Stander? SO your H never saw you naked at all in 21 years? or did I just take that whole comment wrong??

On my own sitch...Honey and I have had sex many times since BD, Now his problem is he hasn't been sexually attracted to me
in over 2 years  He says because he has had "issues" 3 out of the maybe 20 or so times we have had sex he couldn't "finish" If ya know what I mean..He says he never had this problem with OW and He just doesn't want sex from me anymore..SO I have thought about looking elsewhere for it..but don't want to stoop to HIS level.

It does drive me crazy sometimes!! LOL

[Stander1964]

LOL!!  No, I meant NO OTHER man besides H has seen me naked in all that time!!  It really is frustrating.  I was just thinking I am really crunching on a lot of ice, and if I remember right, when you eat a lot of ice it means you are sexually frustrated.  Uh, YEAH!  That's me!!

[StillStanding]

Do I miss it?  Absolutely.  Do I think it is fair or right that I no longer have any physical intimacy because my H left me?  Well, there are so many other things that I feel are unfair about this entire situation - so I might as well throw this issue in the pile with the rest of them.

I feel exactly the same way. My wife has moved out, so I'm paying all of my bills by myself (including a mortgage that takes half of my take-home every month); I have a dog that needs attention and to be loved on, so I can't just spend every day out of the house; and to top it all off, I haven't been with anyone since the last time with my wife, almost 2 1/2 years ago.

Do I miss it? Yes!
Do I miss it with her? HELL, YES!
Can I live without it? Yes. (Not to mention — if it comes down to it, there are ways of scratching that itch that don't require a partner.)

I also need to add the fact that, at this time, I am pretty vulnerable.  I don't know that I would be able to make the best decisions about something like sex currently.  I may feel differently in the future - I don't know.

A friend cautioned me to be careful about seeming to be available to or flirting with other women so I don't do something that I will end up regretting later; the fact that I am devoted to making my marriage work out might make me even more attractive to someone looking for a husband. (Crazy, huh? But just because an OW comes along after the marriage hits the rocks doesn't mean she's still not an OW.)

[StillStanding]

In general, women report that having their husbands become emotionally intimate with another woman is more upsetting than a physical affair, where men report that having their wives sleeping with someone else is more upsetting than an emotional affair

I still think it's a bunch of hooey- emotional intmacy??? With and MLCER?? Its a train wreck!!

I wasn't specifically referring to MLCers; people end up having affairs for more reasons then just MLC...

[In this for ME]

I know that SS..I've been reading about dozens of differnt kinds and the reasons behind them that aren't the reasons MLCERs have.  MLCERS are a breed of thier own and emotionally IMHO they are not capable of having a meaningful emotional relationship.

So I can say for myself- it's not that I worry or think about the "emotional" attachement he thought he had- it's the opposite for me because it's been so long since we've had sex. Him cutting loose with her physically pisses me off!!! I didn't make any moves because I didn't want to put pressure on him or cause him any embarrassment and then he goes and does this!!!

Now his problem is he hasn't been sexually attracted to me
in over 2 years     He says because he has had "issues" 3 out of the maybe 20 or so times we have had sex he couldn't "finish" If ya know what I mean..He says he never had this problem with OW and He just doesn't want sex from me anymore..SO I have thought about looking elsewhere for it..but don't want to stoop to HIS level.

Syn if he was cruel enough to tell you this and act the way he does he needs a bomb dropped on him big time....   and sooner than the 12th if possible.

[limitless]

Boy, I guess with a topic like this....we can expect....well, you know.

Still Standing...
Maybe this is what you meant...or maybe it isn't...but here goes.

I believe that women (and I am not speaking for ALL women - just most women) - are typically bonded with their husbands in many ways.  Financially, emotionally, sexually, through the connection with children (if the couple has any), etc..  Women are typically more emotional than men.  Many women here on this forum feel more betrayed by the intimate things her husband has shared with the OW.   Not just his body.

I think men (and I am not speaking for ALL men - just most) - are typically emotionally bonded to their wives sexually.  I am not say that men are not emotionally bonded to their wives in other ways, but I believe that the strongest emotion men have with their wives is during sex.  (I am not a man...I could be wrong). 

Thus, a man has a more difficult time forgiving his wife for being physically unfaithful.  The physical betrayal is worse.  I think men may be able to forgive an emotional affair (non physical) easier than a woman.

It's really funny - (strange - not ha ha) - a woman has more problems forgiving mental unfaithfulness and a man has more problems forgiving physical betrayal.  When, in actuality - much, if not most, of the things a man will tell the OW is complete cr*p and lies.  Yet, that hurts us more?!!??

And what's even more strange about the whole thing is - the OW/OM relationship is not about sex.  It's not about love.  It's not about companionship or finding a "soul mate."  It's about avoiding your own shadow.  Running, hiding and avoiding.

L

[Synicca]

ok Stander....whew!  hehehe Thats what I thought


In This...Yah tell me about it huh?? The thing is...when he says that I just tell him he is a liar, because he DID tell me he had issues with her...(he dont remember) and he thinks we havent had sex more then the 3 times in the last 16 months...hmmm a little MLC thinking there....

and now you know why I am sooooo tired of this crap! Ugh! 

[In this for ME]

Yeah Syn- BUT THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SAYING and it doesn't make it right for them to say things like that!!!

And yes LL you've hit it right on the head..whats bazarre in MY case it's the exact OPPOSITE!!
He hasn't let go of an ea I had  16 years ago!!! I did and have done everything I could to make amends for it.

 And I can forgive the ea on his part but struggle with the PA.....  Because I KNOW this is how men make the deepest emotional connecton. But considering he's got the emotional depth of a mud puddle at this point ( and when he was with exskank) why wear myself out trying to make sense of it all??

Lordy what would have happened had I had a PA??

For some reason and maybe it's just me thinking out loud here I labored under the assumption that somehow he would magically turn into everything I needed him to be when he was with her. Well that wasn't the case and this has happened to me in a previous earlier marriage.

 H#1 betrayed me too. He was sooooo jealous of me I never would have thought he was the one looking to cheat. I was soooo scared that he would turn into everything I needed after the divorce..he married the ow and I just about died. But 3 years later guess what?? He screwed around on her.

[LisaLives]

H#1 betrayed me too. He was sooooo jealous of me I never would have thought he was the one looking to cheat. I was soooo scared that he would turn into everything I needed after the divorce..he married the ow and I just about died. But 3 years later guess what?? He screwed around on her.

Sweetie, that is the BIGGEST reason FOR him to cheat!  He had to do it so you wouldn't do it first.  People who are secure don't cheat, only people who are insecure and afraid cheat.