[blackice]

It lasted for about 4 months then he switched from angry to charming. I would still get bouts of angry here and there but mostly charming. He would come and seek me out it he got angry at me because he didn't want to push me away. Typical clinger. Then he moved out 9 months after bomb drop and I would get spurts of angry monster again but it was him projecting his fights with ow on me and since I wouldn't react he stopped. Haven't seen angry monster since august. Just a very confused and depressed man since September. Now I don't see him at all cause he's in treatment center. When I do talk to him he sounds tired and broken. It's like he's where I was at this time last year.

[Anjae]

For all I know Mr J is still monstering after more than 8 years. Maybe in the last couple months he may have calmed down because I took him to court and he had to play nice.

He was manic monster before he left and for the months after. I come back home, he keep being monstering but I was no longer around to deal with him.

[hopeful1]

Great !! Not looking good then lol mine had been monster for two months

At least I know to stay the hell away and let him go
His playing the victim

[Neo]

Is four months the magic number?  Mine was like that about 4 months before he left, and now he is basically a vanisher.

Nah,

4 months is the same amount of time my wife monstered and she has become a vanisher for the last 5 months. What's up with that? Did they burn through all of their rocket fuel within 4 months? I believe it becomes so emotionally draining to them to be monstering like that and trying to carry on a clandestined relationship with the OP, that it depletes them emotionally, mentally and physically.

Many of the stories point to them being so depressed and drained that all they want to do is sleep. Since we can't see them all of the time, I really wander if they go find a cave somewhere and decompress, much like the Incredible Hulk does when he is done monstering!!

[Anjae]

Don't think so Neo. At least it does not happen with all MLCers. Several of us have very high energy MLCers who barely sleep or stay put. They are always out and about, incapable of stop.

Others do the get into the cave thing, but not all of them. And some keep monster around for years on end.

They aren't all exactly alike.

[StayPositive]

I am not sure how long my STBXH has been in Monster mode.  I think it started a few month before BD

One day, I could not sleep, so I stayed up in my home office (I work from home a lot) messing with computer.  He woke up and came to the room yelling at me angrily something like why are you working so late. 

When he was angry, he would not talk but start cleaning up the house like a madman.   This happened a few times before BD.

After BD, he went back and forth of being an angry monster and Mr. Self-Pity.   One day he became so angry that he started to extent  his hands toward my neck.  He also became extremely controlling.  he decided that he was going to keep his house, and I had to find a new place.  He refinanced so that he can take off my name from mortgage ( he says so that I can find my own place like he was doing a big favor to me!).  I refused to sign quit-claim until I find a new place.  He was so angry and yelled at me a lot! 

Now that I moved out, I do not have to deal with him other than dealing with divorce issue.  I see him as a wallower (EA but not PA).  He says he has an urge to "start over" and run away, but he does not  have a gut to quite his job.  I think he is basically a vanisher (Goodness, Gracious!)

I think he is so angry because somewhere deep down in his heart he knows what he is doing is wrong and his Dad would have not approved.  He blames me for destroying his confidence and blames me for his EA.  I told him the only person who can destroy his confidence is himself.  Boy, he got angry ( Am I not right?).  According to him, he would not have been attracted to his co-worker if I were a better wife.  He still wants to believe himself to be a nice guy, but he is not, so he gets angry.  I think this is why he is adamant about divorce.  He wants to have sex with other women, but he can't while he is married.  So in his mind, he is doing the right thing.  He says I can find someone who is much more compatible.  We grew apart, etc.     
 
   
   


       




         

[nah]

What's up with that? Did they burn through all of their rocket fuel within 4 months? I believe it becomes so emotionally draining to them to be monstering like that and trying to carry on a clandestined relationship with the OP, that it depletes them emotionally, mentally and physically.

Many of the stories point to them being so depressed and drained that all they want to do is sleep. Since we can't see them all of the time, I really wander if they go find a cave somewhere and decompress, much like the Incredible Hulk does when he is done monstering!!

hmmm...not sure what husband is doing,
He is high energy as in dying his hair, being in a band, tattoos, designer clothes, girl half is age, etc,..  but the hairdresser said he falls asleep in the chair waiting for his turn.  This is in the middle of the day,  He also got into an accident b/c he fell asleep at the wheel, again in the middle of the day. This was about 2 years before BD and his excuse for doing overnights at work (obviously he had enough energy to date).

So I don't think "high energy" means having a lot of energy as much as going through many different "masks" to try to avoid their issues.  I could be wrong, though.

[HeartTattoo]

My X didn't show much Monster.  Only a few times after BD and it was ALWAYS about money. 

Really no Monster from mine either, but some of what I call little-boy-monster.  Little tantrums about money issues, being "on the hook" for credit card charges I rarely make & always pay off, jumping to the conclusion I've changed passwords, resentful about our separation agreement, etc.

He did snarky monster about our S-31 when I expressed concern a few months after BD that he was depressed & failing his course & not getting an internship arranged.  It read "...he doesn't have the same work ethic I have; he needs to cut his hair, dress business casual, be medicated, etc, etc".  MLC translation--"not my fault, not my fault, not my fault".

[Picton]

Hi

We are 7 months past BD, 6 months since we separated.  My xp doesn't monster often but I think when he does it is around the time he has moments of clarity about what he has done. Xp turns into a teenager (he displays a lot of different teenage behavior,  differently having to go through an unfinished part of his past) and starts emailing and texting me all sorts of crazy stuff. Like its my fault no body likes him or any of his friends. Apparently I have super powers!
I think the monstering is actually the guilt and the bad feelings he gets when he has that clarity of how much distraction he has caused. Once he has monstered he then goes back into the tunnel so again he forget about all the nasty lies and rewriting of history that he did while he was monstering.

Kia kaha - stay strong

[nah]

Hi

We are 7 months past BD, 6 months since we separated.  My xp doesn't monster often but I think when he does it is around the time he has moments of clarity about what he has done. Xp turns into a teenager (he displays a lot of different teenage behavior,  differently having to go through an unfinished part of his past) and starts emailing and texting me all sorts of crazy stuff. Like its my fault no body likes him or any of his friends. Apparently I have super powers!
I think the monstering is actually the guilt and the bad feelings he gets when he has that clarity of how much distraction he has caused. Once he has monstered he then goes back into the tunnel so again he forget about all the nasty lies and rewriting of history that he did while he was monstering.

Kia kaha - stay strong

Wow,....this is weird, my husband did the same exact thing right around that time.  We met about financials around 8 months post BD, before (and after) we very rarely talked about anything except financials.  Out of the blue he said, "you must hate me", I said no i could never hate him in fact I forgave him, Then it got really weird,
he said he was "testing" his friends to see who would side with me and who would side with him.  I said that I wasn't aware of a contest.  He said nobody called him and everybody was against him.  I told him that very few called me too it was me that called them, I said people are just confused about the situation b/c we were always the "stable" couple that everyone could count on.  He thought I was rallying everyone against him and it wasn't further from the truth.

He then leaned in and said, "you know I have issues in social situations and have trouble with people"

Here's the kicker...this man plays hockey, is in a band, is a leader in his industry, he has more friends than anybody I know, when his father died there were literally hundreds of people lined up, mostly friends of husband.  I even said the phrase you used, "wow, I must have super powers to make everyone hate you", many people did try to talk to him after he left, some of these people I don't even know, yet he still tried to blame me for people questioning his decisions.

Again, I think they are just projecting their own guilt and inadequacies onto us.