[stayed]

LettingGo, why are you being like this?  Is this making you feel better?

Yes, there is a pattern.  The pattern has always been help yourself, become strong, healthy, happy, recovered.  Put yourself into a position where your choices can be productive and beneficial to everybody. 

hugs Stayed

[SpecialK]

Hey come let's not turn this into a fight of some kind, this is an interesting thread and the whole point of this site is to share views, some which we may not agree or like, but that's not what it's about.  We're all here to help and support one another.  It's a safe place where we can vent, discuss, get things out there.  A place where others really understand what's going on, whereas our friends and family don't.

Stayed, what you wrote was an observation one that I'm sure Mama won't be offenend by, which I sure will help her.

SK xxx

[stayed]

Thank you SpecialK for understanding.  I feel very badly that this has occurred on your thread.  It is indeed a fantastic topic and one that dearly needs all the discussion it can get.  Open, to all views and opinions.

As you say, these are topics we cannot discuss with family and friends outside this forum.  Thank you for making me feel safe and free to respond in my usual open, honest manner. 

Hugs Stayed

[LettingGo]

I stand by what I said. And don't be so certain others aren't offended by Stayed's passive aggressive fake "concern".

[Mamma Bear]

  Stayed,  I like for you to respomd in a totally honest way as well. I just feel misunderstood by you. I don't obsess about ow. I have a full life and I am always busy. (relaxing too)
 I actually like myself, unlike our mlcers who self loathe as it were
 The hardest part of this for me is accepting the two of them naked sleeping together. To help with the hurt and pain, I make fun of her. I have never felt that ANY OF THIS was her fault. No, I totally always believed it was my Hs need to get away from our 'mundane life' that caused this. He's a little kid at heart. Always a little too carefree. But he was loyal and honest and oh so caring of my needs.    In an effort to get through these trying times I will journal what is happening to me. My H lives at OWs apt 2 miles away. We see him sporadically and he acts like he is in "love" with me and tells my Ds that he is, while crying in her apt.
   Since his band aid has been posting wedding rings and wedding planners on her FB wall and no talk of D has happened, I merrily stroll through his crisis making fun of the ugly band aid he has acquired. My bad!  I would still be making fun of the vicodin addiction but he stopped. The drinking I make fun of as well.  I feel his pain and  I love him. I am just trying to steel myself for the realities of dealing with my Hs temporary abandonment of 'his senses'.   I know making fun of people is not nice but I NEED to do it!  Stress reliever...
   I try not to be obsessive and I just looked back over the last 15 posts of mine and it seems I don't mention her all the time. If I do mention her it's bc my H hardly ever works and sits over there.  It is soooo strange.  I also always remind myself outloud on here that she is a symptom and she will blow away someday! I KNOW this. I am not missing out on anything. Just plugging along and growing in leaps and bounds as well. Thanks.MB

[stayed]

Mamma Bear, I honestly understand where you are coming from.  I have always been aware that you deal with your suffering/pain with jokes. I am not criticizing you, in the least, we all deal with stress in our special way.  If this works for you, then I definitely will let it go and leave you to it.  I genuinely like you, enjoy your thread.

Thanks for taking the time and trouble to explain.

hugs Stayed

[Red Star]

If there is any one thing that this entire forum community is superb at, it is explaining/confirming that the ow R is merely a symptom within MLC, and is temporary….no matter how long it lasts, or repeats itself ( like a bad meal   ). Mamma B is a valued member of this LBS community due to both her ability to move forward, joyfully, with her life without her H ( at this time ), AND poke fun at ow.  Mamma is trying to help everyone get past the pain with comedy. Many, many LBSs, in various stages, still have trouble getting past the infidelity and embracing its meaninglessness. They are still taking it personally. Mamma’s comedy helps. Who doesn’t enjoy a comedic routine?    Some of the best fodder for comedy includes our US Presidents and the ows. Personally, I LOVE to laugh…..and laughing BONDS people who don’t take themselves too seriously. 

Mamma B, I vote for MORE ow comedy. Your H is off the vicodin!? FANTASTIC!!!  YAY!!! WOOHOO!!!!

((((Hugs))))BeStar
Back to Work….

[SpecialK]

Stayed, please don't feel bad.  Believeme  this discussion is really helping me, helping to understand and come to terms with what's going on in my life right.  Before I wasn't listening or taking on board (not in the way I am now), but now I'm ready. 

Mamma I fully understand where your at, I too am struggling with him and OW; do they do the same things we did, does he talk to her in the way he talked to me, and yes getting naked together.  It's also been going through my head what does she have that I didn't.  I don't know what she looks like or what she's like, therefore I cannot make any comment about her.  Yes I do feel she's lucky to have him.  As long as he's happy and he's found the one, I guess that's all that matters. 

I need to come to terms with this, accept that it's over and that he's never coming back.  My councelling session has left me feeling very emotionally drained, it's never had that effect on me before.  It's made me realise just how much I haven't let go, how much I am still hanging on and not working on me.  When he came back after the first BD, I hadn't done any work on me what so ever, I was still blaming myself for everything that went wrong.  Around him I felt like I was walking on egg-shells, I would not allow myself to be me.  I hope one day I will feel about him the same way as he does about me.

Now I'm ready, ready to work on me for me.  I faced a lot of stuff last year with regards to my job and it took a long time for me to recover and bounce back.  Now I find my confidence is growing and I'm no longer that person in the work place I was a year ago.

On here I can put down how I'm feeling, no one outside of this site really understands.  They try, but like anything in life, unless you've been through it or going through it, how can they?  No one tells you to move on and find someone else.

Another question:  Do I consider the first BD that happened in October 08 as the length of time we've been apart, or do I take from the second BD, April 2010 (we got back together for almost a year before that second one was dropped).  Hope I'm making sense.

SKxxx

[Mamma Bear]

  Speciak K How do we count the ways....used to be a nice poem. Now " how do I count the BDs" Who knows the longer ago the better right?
  I truly do believe my H is coming back. I am fine if he doesn't but I do function on THAT level. Not really an expectation just a 'happy hopefilled hunch' If I had to function every single day like I was a widow in some strange living torture filled rejection scenario I couldn't function at all.  My H is in a trance walking around now with a  face. That's mlc, that with all the other symptoms. It's like an encyclopedia, the script. Now I must go outside and run errands. Back later......

[SpecialK]

Iwished I had that belief MB - more than anything I want him to come home.

SKxx