[BonBon]

Just remember...having hope and having expectations are two entirely different things.  Think about the large things we all hope for but don't act as though we expect them....curing all diseases, ending poverty, and so forth...we hope that happens but we don't expect it to.  So, we do what we can and live our own lives.

Its OK to have a general sense of hope.  It really is.  An expectation though will probably find you not looking after yourself....

Hugs,
Bon

[In this for ME]

My take on this is MB dealing whatever way works for her; is GOOD for her.

My exh's exskank has been out of the picture for a year now and I'm still not past it.

Do I have days I obsess about the b!tch?- yep probably a lot more than is healthy
Do I have days I barely give her a thought? Sometimes.but they are few and far between.

The healthiest thing for me to do is BE KIND AND PATIENT WITH MYSELF ABOUT IT.  I HATE the round and round track my mind gets on. But EXH will not really answer any of the questions I need answers to. He still gets all defensive and stuff so UNTIL I get the anwers my mind will obsess about the relationship and the C.  Is that healthy?? I don't think so- but there just isn't any other option at this point in time

[Mamma Bear]

  InThis, Could it be he doesn't know the answers?    What questions do you have if you don't mind my asking?       Ever since I went to college in the early 80s and lived in a dormitory    Let's just say we partied hardy back then,  I don't really have any questions about ow. He needed a hug (more than a hug) and she helped him out. If/when he ever comes to try and rebuild/reconnect/get over himself I don't know that I'd have a lot of questions.   Skank filled answers.   Who needs them?

[BonBon]

In this,
I was going to ask what Mamma Bear asked...what kinds of questions do you want answered?

I remember when I first found out about Miss EA and I pummeled H with questions.  I didn't like the answers, even if they were ones that should have made me happy (exp: no, she's not attractive).

I know its SO hard to do but try and think of her as just another symptom of the MLC disease.  Really, really hard...I know.  But she isn't worth your time...try to remind yourself of that.

Hugs,
Bon

[In this for ME]

I'll be back soon to tell you what I still want to know.....

[In this for ME]

Well what I want to know is;
 
Whose friggin idea was it to get married BEFORE he was even divorced??

AND

 I want the WHOLE story!!!

 starting with who started who emailing who right through to what was the reason behind him not marrying her and then what prompted him to turn her into the authorities.

18 years  ago when I had my EA I had to tell him the WHOLE story. HE wanted to know. It took me 8 hours.

Now I want the whole story. I just think he'd lie right now; so I have to wait.

[Mamma Bear]

  Inthis, But what if doing a 180 and NOT wanting to know made things better for YOU    Could you let it go?  Could you move forward without that piece of the puzzle       At least for now   Just playing Devil's Advocate here.. people who want to get married before they are divorced belong in a Las Vegas Comedy Movie NOT REAL LIFE!! .

[Thundarr]

I used to think I would want to know all the facts if my W ever had a PA, but now after having dealt with this for the past 9 months I'm not so sure I would.  I would want her to take responsibility and offer to answer any questions I would have, but I don't think I would ask many for my own protection.  I would have to choose to set a time to just let it go and forgive her, and that would mean never bringing it up again.   I hope I never have to cross that bridge, but if it's that or her never coming back I would cross it gladly.

Which brings me to a point.  My W has already filed and shown no indication that she doesn't plan on following through with it someday other than the fact that she hasn't already.  I live every day with this feeling of impending doom that my marriage will be over forever, but there is no apparent OM.  If I knew she could have a PA, feel remorseful and then turn back to the family as opposed to running away from the family as fast as she can I have to say I would prefer to deal with an affair at this point rather than deal with starting a new life with someone else.  Just my .02.

[In this for ME]

Inthis, But what if doing a 180 and NOT wanting to know made things better for YOU    Could you let it go?  Could you move forward without that piece of the puzzle?

I can't NOT want to know because I DO want to know and have since this nightmare started.

Nope I couldn't let it go

And I can move...I don't think it would be in a forward direction. All I can do is go back and forth. Maybe I'll get sick of it eventually but for now that's where I am.

So if he shows some signs of thinking I'm past all of this?? Like trying to suggest we get married again or something. He's going to have to tell me the WHOLE story. Then I can start to process the rest of this. So that ought to take me another year. Oh joy!!!

[Anjae]

My husband had an OW1 for 18 months since BD that was on October 2006. Previous to BD they had been writing, phoning, texting and seeing each other on hotel rooms. I only found that about the times pre-BD mid last year.

He now living with OW2. They’ve been together since mid 2008 and living together for over 2.5 years.

During OW1 he as a clingy boomerang, he moved to on and off after I moved back to our home town and since OW2 he is a vanisher.

I’ve been on this for a long time so I pretty much just look at it like an outsider or a viewer in the movie theatre watching a film.