[kikki]

I have a question about the depression please.  We all know that the MLCer is described as being in the fog.
But it's now 2yr and 2mths post BD, and my H said that for the first time ever (that he remembers anyway), when he was working the other day, he had an hour or so where his mind was completely blank.  He described it as being in a fog.
He couldn't remember exactly why he was there, or what he was meant to be doing.
He said it passed.

Is this overt depression?

[Shantilly Lace]

Overt depression is when it is visible to anyone who looks at them.
For most of their crisis the depression is covert (or hidden) to most people.  It may be that only you will notice the difference although quite often other family members will know something is up.

[kikki]

Thanks for explaining Hope Floats.  He looked okay today, but I guess if I'd been around when he experienced the fog the day that he was describing, I would definitely have known he wasn't 'there'. 

[Finding Hope]

Hello,

I had a question. After BD, H was constantly working in the backyard, keeping the pool clean. Out there every weekend, now he doesn't do anything. Hasnt touch a lawn mower in over a month. Cleans the pool only after winds. Weeds over taking flowers.

Any ideas?
C


Answered on your thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2211.msg139462#msg139462

[readytofixmyselffirst]

They all cycle. My spouse goes through periods of cleaning and being interested in things and then forgets about it for a period of time and then goes back to the program.

She will watch the same movie over and over again and then switch back to another movie only to return back to that movie.

Or listen to the same song, over and over again. Just more of the same. Then when she is pressed on anything, she is angry and combative.

You h seems to be doing the same thing. Once again, it is about just going through the motions of life while they try to sort out the issues that are confronting them.

Just my opinion.

[OnMyJourney]

Having a tad of a crisis and feeling desperate.  Would sincerely appreciate some thoughts and advice.  Details posted today on my thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=715.0

Thanks
OMJ

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Sorry, I wish I had seen your question yesterday. I was not really doing much.

There is much to think about and I have read your thread and I would be devastated to say the least. My advice right now is to do NOTHING concerning your H, his OW, and the D. You have to work on you.

You have to work on you. You are crying because your own self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are shot. You need to see friends, and you need to feel some sense of connection. I don't know where you are, but I would strongly recommend you meeting another LBSER or sending a pm with a cell number to talk to someone.

You are holding it together much better than most and I admire your strength.

In the future, you do need to confront your h about ow. This is a choice he made and he has to accept responsibility for his choice. But you are not emotionally in the position to confront and I think he may even go monster on you which will only tear further at the weak bonds you have for him and yourself.

(((((Hugs))))) and do one thing really nice for you today.

[hanging in there]

okay Mentors I need some help here!  H is still bouncing around from friend to friends house.  His time with his kids has been haphazard and was really on my nerves. He has sent about 40 hours total with D13 since he left and if it wasn't for a fishing trip over spring break even less for S16.  Mostly because S16 is busy and isn't really interested in accomodating his Father during his second adolescence! (BD and fled the same day--kinda of reminded me of a panic attack on 2/21/12).

I have gone dim as possible (again! lol) for about 2 weeks with one blunder the Tuesday after Easter when I saw the tax statement!  That is another story! 

Anyway, yesterday he emailed offering to take D to dance.  Keep in mind Monster complained about helping with just about any and everything prior to this separation.  I have worked out a car pool with another mom and have to pick her daughter up at another school, etc.  So basically, I've got it.  So I replied, No thanks. 

Yesterday I get home from work and H had apparently been at the house earlier because he had painted some trim--it was in the garage and was pretty dry so I guess he left work yesterday and came to our house and painted trim.  Again, this was another issue with Monster prior to separation.  He would avoid any and all home improvements to pick a fight.

Then last night my brother inlaw had a wreck and needs to borrow one of our extra cars.  H called D13 and tells her to tell me this??  Okay, this is so high school and you all need to pray for me.

I did not respond text, mention, etc. to any of the above. 

Then this morning I get an email: "Dear, I am trying to work out a schedule to see the kids more do you have any suggestions?"  Okay, everyone of you knows how I would like to respond--"Well, dear, why don't you put on your big boy pants face your problems and be a real Dad."  Okay, I am smart enough to know that is probably not the approach to take.  So do I ignore it, simply ask whay he has in mind, what?  It is tough because our kids are 13 and 16 and have busy weekends and awesome friends.  I think they should be able to choose--espeically since he doesn't even have his own place. 


Responded to you on your thread.....limitless
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2382.22

[Terry1957]

Where am I at in the scheme of things.  My husband hasn't left and threatends to leave and I will never see him again.  That happens when I catch them together.  I am hurting beyond words and need to focus more on ME.







answered on your thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?action=post;topic=2419.10;last_msg=142241

[LeaveThePastBehind]

Hi mentors. My awesome mentor is on hiatus ( hugs to you Voyager ).


I was wondering if there's an article around or some other reading material that discusses when there's a child involved. I found out recently about a child, born 2 months ago and I would just like some quality, related info to read. I'm devastated. This is pretty much a deal breaker for me ( what else can I say? ) but it would be helpful and comforting to to have something to read. More advice would be nice, too.  Thank you.