[LoveMeMyself]

Thanks, RTFMSF.  I see exactly what you are saying. I haven't seen my exH since August 2011.  Our communication has been mainly through email and a few very long phone conversations in between.  I don't know how he looks and nobody to inquire about his appearance or outward actions.  I just have what I have.  However, I do know that he recently revisited Facebook.  He didn't go back to his original Facebook page but started a very plain/generic new one.  Just has two friends (his SIL and his second OW).  No pictures and no postings.  Very boring.  OW#2 lives about 4 hours away (close to our vacation property).........and since he hasn't been I can only assume that he hasn't tried another R with OW2.  I just think he was very desperate at the time of the reconnect through FB.  This was just a few weeks ago as he was telling me he was in a very bad place and had to go back to his doctor and get back on meds due to his suicidal thoughts. 

Again, thanks for your thoughts. Very informative and appreciated.

(((HUGS)))

[LoveMeMyself]

I have another question.  I also posted this on my thread.  I'm seeking some advice.  Here is my question:

My exH is constantly saying "I can't undo what's been done".  Any thoughts or suggests as to what my response should be?  I don't think the reply of "people rebuild or start over" works......I've tried. I don't think he sees it this way.  Any and all ideas, suggestions are very much appreciated.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

I am going to respond, but give me some time so I can really reflect and think about a really good truth dart to respond as this is a critical piece of self-reflection for your H. (((((hugs))))

[LoveMeMyself]

Readytofixmyselffirst,

I'm very interested in what you might come up with.. I posted this on my thread and have gotten several very good suggestions.  I was thinking along the lines of a "truth dart" myself but couldn't come up with anything.  The other suggestions are pretty good as well.  No response needed as it is not a question........or "sorry you feel that way".  Very good ideas.  So, I'll wait to see what you come up with. 

Thanks.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

The reason why I took time is because the "can't undo" paints themselves and you in a corner. I have prayed and I have gone through the scriptures. I would let your h know that everyday given by GOD is the opportunity to undo what has been done. After all salvation from GOD is asking to be forgiven for what has been done so that the soul can enter the kingdom of heaven.

So, I would look him in the eye and say, "I am sorry you feel that way, but when I am on the journey of life and I take a wrong turn, I realize that it is easier to go back and start the trip over then it is to stay on the wrong road. What do you think?

((((hugs))))

[LoveMeMyself]

That is awesome, Ready! I am grateful that you searched scripture before coming up with that response.  For me, personally, it's perfect. I thought of other comments I have actually made to him in the past when he made this remark. I once told him that it's in the past and what matters now is what he does next or something like that. I honestly love your response though. I'm going to write it down and memorize it so I'll be ready next opportunity I get. You have renewed my strength and hope!

Thank you so much!!

(((HUGS)))

[calamity]

Your quote:  My exH is constantly saying "I can't undo what's been done".

When I hear this I want to scream.  Yes if you were a computer, you can't undo. 

But the key word here is 'can't'.  I can't turn the clock back.  I can't help falling in love.  I can't help myself.  People say it all the time without thinking about the meaning. 
 
Can't means 'able to'.  What the person means is 'won't'.  I will not undo...I will not turn the clock back.  I won't help myself.  I don't want to.

I won't even go into what I think of these analogies--we are humans with minds and choices, not clocks, not computers, not kettles boiling...when you talk of paths or forks in the road, that's different because it does picture a thinking human being deciding what to do.

Just my rant.  If I could find the MLC script, I would have such a good time editing it!

[Moving Forward]

calamityj - you asked about the MLC script trying Googling 'MLC For Dummies' - you'll find the script and the handbook all in one!!

It is a very funny and good respite as we travel this road!

[calamity]

ILoveMyMan,

You [all LBS's] need to read this before and after any communication with your MLCer.  Funny & so accurate.

Here's the address:  http://nashlinks.com/midlife.htm

[Ready2Transform]

BWAHAHA!!  Oh, I needed that today!  Funny because it's funny, AND funny because it's true!!