One time I made the mistake of reading posts on an OW forum and it made me want to throw up! The crying and whining about their true love being a liar and constantly going back to his wife and how torturous it was but they couldn't let him go because they just loved him SO much and how no matter what, some day he would know what a martyr they were and how he was only going back to his wife out of guilt and he deserved SO much more. GET THE SMELLING SALTS!! There needs to be a deprogramming camp for these women and, dare I say it, a scarlet A on their foreheads for a period of time to warn the rest of us to lock up our husbands!! And for the husbands, a chastity belt and NO Viagra prescription for 5 years as penance!!
LOL, LG....if you think about it, the OWs who lose their married men go through the SAME torment as the LBS when the MLC'er gives them the speech.
It's strange, but true.
I did a great deal of research long ago, and was shocked to see this similarity in the situations, of course it was DIFFERENT, but the reactions(as compared between the OW and LBS) were the SAME.
The only difference was the OW wasn't married to the man she was seeing, and the LBS was the WIFE of the MLC'er, who was going to the OW(IF they had one).
But each person was LEFT BEHIND when the relationship broke in pieces...triggering the crying, clinging, demanding, and pursuing behaviors for a time before either accepted what was happening.
I remember thinking this was really weird at the time.
The difference was, the OW has NO history with the married man, and the LBS has that history that may work to their advantage at a later time.
The advice given in each circumstance was the SAME, learn to detach, distance, and in time, the OW got over it, where the LBS had something different to contend with, the possible return of the WAS/MLC spouse.
The OW lost all the way around, and in time, they got back into the game with yet another married man...and the cycle started all over again, at least until it all broke down once again.
You've some that are "career OWs" who only see married men, don't make commitments, and take the married man for all the money they can get, only wanting to be "kept" by the married man.
No strings attached, only USING them for money and maintenance.
This is selfishness at its worst, as they could care less about the wives and families that are being hurt, and damaged through what they are doing.
I'd hate to be that pair of shoes, as I don't understand the thinking there..and am unable to even step down into those shoes.
On the other hand, it takes TWO to tango, and the husbands that do it are just as guilty as the OWs of carrying on with each other, and people do have and exercise choices....they make the WRONG ones, getting entangled in something they should have NEVER gotten into in the first place.
I had to begin to teach my husband about predators such as these long after he got disentangled from the OW he'd gotten involved with.
He, like me, was raised to believe pre-crisis, that nice women didn't dally with married men, nor did nice men dally with married women...both of us, through the experience he had, learned a HARD lesson from it......I know he's never gotten entangled like that again....and I became more discerning when it came to people like that.
In time, I was able to see more clearly, and in turn, I taught him to steer clear, and the signs to look for.
Predators look like any other person at first, but if you allow them to, they will drag you into the deepest pits of depravity, and if you allow yourself to cross certain lines, you'll get into a snare of deception and trickery that is hard to get out.
I've had friendships with males that I had to call a halt to, because they tried to cross certain lines with me, and I drew back when I saw where they were heading.
So OWs aren't the ONLY people to watch out for, some of the men are something else, too.
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