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Author Topic: Discussion Ask a Mentor 4

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Discussion Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#90: July 01, 2013, 05:42:43 AM
Thank you OP.

I understand that depression is present in all the stages , but don't understand all the stages because I haven't seen or experienced H going through them yet.  I didn't understand how to recognise when someone is too deep in the tunnel.

I will look for RCR's post you mentioned - thanks
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#91: July 01, 2013, 05:50:54 AM
The way my MC'er is going, I don't think there will be any chance for me to ever recognise any of the stages within him.
He cycles way too much between depressed and happy...and for long periods of time.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#92: July 01, 2013, 06:44:32 AM
Question --- Depression.

My W44 is now showing signs of entering the depression tunnel (been 6 months).

I understand part of the "reality" is that they perceive if they blow apart their world, that it will become different (escaping).

I've been very stong in supporting and getting my junk together.

Last night she gave indications that it would be a long time before she's out of the tunnel (said it).

WHEN she talks to me (about her being sad)... beyond being supportive and "poor baby.... "  any advice of what to say/do?

I have a hunch that I may be getting BD or distancing coming up... she's entering the tunnel.

Until now she's been very upbeat.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#93: July 01, 2013, 07:11:55 AM
Panda, I think paving the way is something that can be done the whole crisis.  You may not have as much opportunity to do so as much while they are in the deepest part because they are more distant, often physically as well (you simply won't see them as much).  But part of the paving like the forgiveness, etc. is ongoing regardless of if you are around them or not. I think paving the way has far more to do with how you are around an MLCer than things you do, if that makes sense, more being not doing.

Truly, until the end of the crisis it may not seem like they notice or remember anything.  I do think they will remember the way you were. 
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#94: July 01, 2013, 01:03:54 PM
Quick question;

If depression in men is sometimes expressed as anger, and H has cycled back into an enormous amount of anger (but not monstering at me, just dim/dark contact) could this mean he is showing movement? He has gone from clinging to wallowing and he thinks the whole world is against him right now.

Angry Eeyore!
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#95: July 01, 2013, 01:38:30 PM
Quote from: Slow Fade on July 01, 2013, 01:03:54 PM
he thinks the whole world is against him right now.


Alone.. this is a signal... hopelessness.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#96: July 01, 2013, 02:54:15 PM
Quote from: 1994 on July 01, 2013, 01:38:30 PM
Quote from: Slow Fade on July 01, 2013, 01:03:54 PM
he thinks the whole world is against him right now.


Alone.. this is a signal... hopelessness.

Isolation and hoplessness are indicators of clinical depression.

The unfortunate thing is denial also is... unless your loved one is getting coaching or treatment... depression can spiral a long distance.

My mom has ZERO recollection of her time in clinical... I mean ZERO... it's all wiped totally clean.



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« Last Edit: July 01, 2013, 04:09:21 PM by Musica »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#97: July 01, 2013, 03:30:54 PM
My h has expressed isolation and hopelessness at B D and talked about suicide and lack of self belief. Having a D With diagnosed clinical depression and my s being diagnosed as anger linked to depression now I can see that it is an hereditary situation in our family.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#98: July 01, 2013, 06:35:37 PM
Hi I am really struggling this week ??? I don't know why ? I have been great for months, I guess I can be strong in keeping going and knowing that he really does love me because we had an amazing marriage.
I guess I am getting to a point where for how great I've been I want to see something ??? Anything !!! He was making contact and coming around and now that has stopped, why ? It is also his birthday this week, I miss him. Please see my thread.

thanks Princess Grace X

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3661.0


Moderators answered on thread.
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« Last Edit: July 02, 2013, 11:00:16 PM by kikki »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#99: July 02, 2013, 05:23:46 AM
Quote from: Princess Grace on July 01, 2013, 06:35:37 PM
Hi I am really struggling this week ??? I don't know why ? I have been great for months, I guess I can be strong in keeping going and knowing that he really does love me because we had an amazing marriage.
I guess I am getting to a point where for how great I've been I want to see something ??? Anything !!! He was making contact and coming around and now that has stopped, why ? It is also his birthday this week, I miss him. Please see my thread.

thanks Princess Grace X

Please link


Feeling for you... Isolation sux

Edit - Link added to her post - OldPilot
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« Last Edit: July 02, 2013, 05:27:15 AM by OldPilot »
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