[Snowdrop]

What I get is that deeper connection that you just don't toss away

Exactly, and why I feel us LBSs feel as we do.  I also feel the MLCers do too, but their desire to live a "fun" life, overrides that for now, and causes confliction.

[Zendog]

What I get is that deeper connection that you just don't toss away

Exactly, and why I feel us LBSs feel as we do.  I also feel the MLCers do too, but their desire to live a "fun" life, overrides that for now, and causes confliction.

That's true, but who says you can't have fun? It's like a black and white thing for and MLCer. Sort of caveman like. Spouse can't have fun. Must leave to find fun. Even though have no idea what I'm looking for. Life's not black and white, and I suspect that many of them find that out once they've done the whole leaving thing. The responsibilities don't just magically disappear. You've still got to pay rent. You've still got bills. A job. To everything there is a season. I've read that somewhere...

[Snowdrop]

Like the thinking of each other as the phone rings, time and time again, for years, and you know they were dialling you as you pictured them, or vice versa.  The knowing that your take-out coffee wasn't right.  The reminding you that you would be together in your rocking chairs together in the nursing home , and together until you die.  The unspoken "Don't worry, I got it".  The just "knowing".

When we met and had the butterflies but no history, that is all we had, and yes, many people have those feelings, and they dwindle in a short time, and they part and continue on their way.  For the rest of us, the butterflies go, but they are replaced by something deeper and stronger.

H and I would have our differences, and yes, we would have our disputes, sometimes daily, but it would be over and done with as quick as it started, and we carried on as usual.  No secrets (really, no secrets), and an honest relationship, say it as it was, love it, fight it, but always clear the air and no grudges.  That was us.  Nothing unsaid, truth spoken, then boom, out of nowhere, although now i look back, I see it crept up on us, but nothing obvious.  BD was still a surprise for us all.  To feel okay doing that in front of children, shows me that NOTHING mattered outside of him. 

Very sad.

Also sad to think H got "those" feelings for someone else that were "ours".  Then again, who cares. What we had was real, and I know that for sure, so who is to say theirs isn't?  It is real for them, and enough so that nothing else matters. Not for me to judge, although very tempting.....

I still love H, but just do not like him.

[Snowdrop]

That's true, but who says you can't have fun?

No fun through the eyes of the MLCer, just their usual script.  They don't want normal, they want FUN, shiny sparkly things don't they. 

After announcing he wanted a divorce, the MLC husband of my friend reminded her that one of his reasons, was that she was "no fun anymore".  Nice.  Love that.  What a catch of a man!

[calamity]

I still love H, but just do not like him.

Would that be the 'I like you but I'm not in like with you' speech? 

[kikki]

  You are funny Calamity 

[living with Hope]

The fun comment... I swear my husband purposely tries to not have fun when he is around us to justify his decisions.

He used to be so much fun when he was around us. If he catches himself having fun when he is with us, it is like someone flips a switch.   

It is weird.

[Snowdrop]

Quote
I still love H, but just do not like him.

Would that be the 'I like you but I'm not in like with you' speech? 

OH MY LORD, YESSSSSSS!!!

[Magnite38]

How about I still love h but also hate him.  Fine line between love and hate.  I got the we settled in our marriage..h is off in his new exciting life. I hear OW is psycho so one day he will see what true love is all about, lol and he threw it all away.

[DaRealist]

I see why the author has a low success rate.  She's wants to help couples rebuild their marriages on the foundation of "romantic love".  She's just as bad as our adolescent spouses.  You have to choose to love your spouse.  You don't wait on a feeling, you just do it.

I didn't feel like going to work today, but I did it.  Many times, I don't feel like helping my D with her homework, but I do it.  I never feel like cleaning the kitchen, but I do it.  None of those matter as much as loving my spouse.  If her advice is centered on rekindling romantic love as a basis for staying in the marriage, she's going to have a low success rate.  That's such a small part of what true love is.  A professional should be telling our adolescent spouses that love is bigger than feelings instead of feeding into their childlike desire for some hollywood caricature of it.