[Zendog]

My mom said that about my dad for about 10 years. I love your father, I just don't like him right now. And that's where I find myself.

No fun through the eyes of the MLCer, just their usual script.  They don't want normal, they want FUN, shiny sparkly things don't they.

Snowdrop, my W and I used to joke about all the people we saw who went chasing things that were "fresh, new and exciting," like they saw it on a TV ad. too much manipulation in this world, and too many stupid people who can't figure out they're being manipulated. And you can't fix stupid.

[Snowdrop]

I never feel like cleaning the kitchen, but I do it. 

I never feel like it, and never do it

Snowdrop, my W and I used to joke about all the people we saw who went chasing things that were "fresh, new and exciting," like they saw it on a TV ad.

I used to see divorce statistics and think, "What a shame more people don't fight for their marriages, they seem so disposable, like many other things"    Maybe they should split those statistics, one for "normal" divorces, one for MLC ones.

Quote
Quote
I still love H, but just do not like him.

Would that be the 'I like you but I'm not in like with you' speech? 

OH MY LORD, YESSSSSSS!!!

As I didn't actually get the ILY....blah, blah, blech, but D did on my behalf, I wonder if it is too late for me to send it to him .  Oooops, too late, already told him in my "email" (touche H), in which I wrote about letting him go so we could focus on our new life, the kids and I (this was before coming to the board), so thats annoying.  I'm kidding, I won't even email him to ask for the 3,400 computer passwords he set up and didn't tell us about before he walked out.  Wanted to bang my head on the table many, many times today trying to get around the Internet Nanny blocker.  No luck.  I have no clue what the password was from 2 years ago.  H made sure he didn't tell us the others too, although in 20yrs, he pretty much used the same ones or a variation. Mabye I am somewhat detached as I don't remember many of those either.  Woohoo, still annoying though.

[BB64]

No-one can erase the past, no-one can change it either. Those mlcer have a past with us, a long one. They can re-write as much as they like, it doesn't change a thing.
The past has a funny way of catching up with people. Just wait and see.
In fact, they are where they are because the past they had before us has caught with them and they felt they had to do something drastic to make it go away.They went away instead.
To start anew.They couldn't see any other way.
So what do you think will happen when their past with us catches up with them and they finally realise that running away was not the answer?
How do you think they are going to feel about us obs when they realise we carried on loving them no matter what they threw at us?
They will then realise that we love them for them, we know them better than anyone else does, we knew them before the lies they live and we believe in them still.
That is when they will realise that they will never have that again if they don't pull their finger out.
As we will stand there, strong, renewed, loving still, non-needy, bitterness free,  independent and fun again, we will be an attractive force to them. One they will crave and want.
People always want what they can't have, and that's when the spark ignites again.

Just my opinion, of course.

[rosemary129]

The author already got a burn out in her job.
" Love is a decision , not a feeling "

[Braveheart]

The fun comment... I swear my husband purposely tries to not have fun when he is around us to justify his decisions.

He used to be so much fun when he was around us. If he catches himself having fun when he is with us, it is like someone flips a switch.   

It is weird.

I've seen that as well in the few times I've been in the same room as the X, the kids will be talking about some fun time we had and she'll smile start to join in then Wham! shut down again.

[R]

I'm a bit behind, but

That's true, but who says you can't have fun?

No fun through the eyes of the MLCer, just their usual script.  They don't want normal, they want FUN, shiny sparkly things don't they. 

After announcing he wanted a divorce, the MLC husband of my friend reminded her that one of his reasons, was that she was "no fun anymore".  Nice.  Love that.  What a catch of a man!

That explains why H described OW as "Fun and cheeky" to Ds 

Booboo - I agree with you!
xxx

[kikki]

 I receive emails from Bob Huizenga.  This came this morning.  I like what he has to say about infidelity (although he doesn't specifically deal with MLC).

'Here’s what the world (the media, your friends, self help gurus and even the professional community) subtly screams at you:

YOU are at fault!

What did you do wrong? Didn’t you meet his/her needs? Can’t you keep your man/woman? Why not? You weren’t good enough in the bedroom? Weren’t romantic enough? Didn’t listen well? Did you take him her for granted? Did you nag and complain too much? Didn’t you give enough attention? Don’t you know how to communicate? Remember, it takes two to tango!

The majority of counselors, when infidelity is discovered, basically convey, “Let’s take a look at the marriage and see if we can fix the problems there…and then infidelity will take care of itself.”

Wrong!

You are not at fault! The “marriage” is not to blame!

His/her choice to have an affair had absolutely nothing to do with you or the “marriage.”

I can’t be blunter: Infidelity has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with love.
Infidelity arises out of your spouse’s personal need system, and/or hormones, and/or character issues, and/or history and/or distorted thinking and/or immaturity.

Infidelity truly is an act of temporary insanity; it’s NOT an act of “falling in love” with someone else.

Your world tells you that infidelity is about “falling in love” with someone else. And it is subtly glamorized. After all, isn’t “falling in love” the ultimate?

Wrong!

Infidelity is not about “love.”

[DaRealist]

Thank you kikki and thank you Bob.  I needed to read that.

[rover77]

make them own it..

[calamity]

Perfect Kikki.