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Author Topic: Discussion Ask a Mentor 6

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Discussion Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#120: September 09, 2013, 07:08:46 PM
I would like some feedback from a mentor, my H is living with Ow and her 2 young kids. He comes on the days I work to get mail. Our younger grnd dtr stays here with me to go to school. My H wants to come to take her to school in the mornings. I want to tell him not to as I feel he should be worried about ow. If I tell him not to come, am I hurting my chances for standing. He has already said he is happy with ow and does not want to keep her a secret. Everyone already knows. He says I am the only one that won't accept that he is not coming back. I feel this is giving my grnd dtr the idea that this ok in a relationship. I don't want her to grow up thinking this is how relationships work please respond
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#121: September 09, 2013, 07:24:52 PM
Could use some attention on my thread.  I seem to have lost my mentor.
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3608.0
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The very purpose of our life is happiness, which is sustained by hope. We have no guarantee about the future, but we exist in the hope of something better. Hope means keeping going, thinking, ‘I can do this.’ It brings inner strength, self-confidence, the ability to do what you do honestly, truthfully and transparently.  The Dalai Lama
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#122: September 11, 2013, 10:36:26 AM
New general behavior question:
After monstering, what is the normal behavior of an MLCer?  Do they lay low and limit communication?  Remain in monster for a while? Communicate but in a cold manner?  Would like to know if type makes a difference--boomerang vs vanishers, etc?
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The very purpose of our life is happiness, which is sustained by hope. We have no guarantee about the future, but we exist in the hope of something better. Hope means keeping going, thinking, ‘I can do this.’ It brings inner strength, self-confidence, the ability to do what you do honestly, truthfully and transparently.  The Dalai Lama
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#123: September 11, 2013, 11:01:56 AM
Quote from: Dreamer on September 09, 2013, 07:08:46 PM
I would like some feedback from a mentor, my H is living with Ow and her 2 young kids. He comes on the days I work to get mail. Our younger grnd dtr stays here with me to go to school. My H wants to come to take her to school in the mornings. I want to tell him not to as I feel he should be worried about ow. If I tell him not to come, am I hurting my chances for standing. He has already said he is happy with ow and does not want to keep her a secret. Everyone already knows. He says I am the only one that won't accept that he is not coming back. I feel this is giving my grnd dtr the idea that this ok in a relationship. I don't want her to grow up thinking this is how relationships work please respond

I am not a parent or grandparent, so this doesn't come from personal experience - at this point, you must do what is best for you and your granddaughter.  You don't need to appease their every whim - there will be other opportunities to pave the way when the time is right. If this feels like the wrong thing to you, and I understand why it would, then you shouldn't do it just for his benefit.  I think a lot of times that gauge within us gives us the answer we need.  That's my .02.

Quote from: Madmax on September 11, 2013, 10:36:26 AM
New general behavior question:
After monstering, what is the normal behavior of an MLCer?  Do they lay low and limit communication?  Remain in monster for a while? Communicate but in a cold manner?  Would like to know if type makes a difference--boomerang vs vanishers, etc?

There is nothing hard and fast, as each one is unique, and will probably not be consistent throughout their crisis with this.  Mine monstered, the monstered more - then monstered and became clingy and kind - then monstered and hid.  Just focus on staying consistent yourself with the fact this is not about you - respond not react, and no matter what they do, it will start to affect you less.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#124: September 12, 2013, 08:34:25 AM
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#125: September 16, 2013, 05:03:34 PM
Need options. Init has a good point. I just hate how one text or email can just throw me off.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3970.msg246479#msg246479


Answered on thread.
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« Last Edit: September 17, 2013, 11:17:42 AM by kikki »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#126: September 17, 2013, 11:15:55 AM
Could really use some wisdom on my thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3475.110
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We all do damage. Character is determined by how we repair it.


BD - December 2012
OW1 confirmed - December 2012 on-and-off for 34 months and counting (still refers to her as just a 'friend')
Wants to live like roommates - November 2013
I moved out - April 2015
H is still checking the anchor
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#127: September 17, 2013, 11:31:12 AM
Could I have some help from the wise LBS's on my thread please?

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3934.msg246757#msg246757

Really confused over which avenue to take, or whether I should just wait it out.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#128: September 17, 2013, 04:13:25 PM

Just had an unexpected death in the family. Need to know if my MLC'rs reaction is script. It kind of shocked me.


http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4004.0
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#129: September 18, 2013, 11:38:55 PM
GENERAL QUESTION:

When the approximation of a midlife crisis is given between 2 and 7 years (or possibly 10) - is that timed from bomb drop or the actual start, which in the majority of cases is undetectable?
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