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H said this to me shortly after BD 'I need one more time before I can settle down' referring to OW; it was during a conversation of what I believe was clarity. H now says that is not true and it sounds like he doesn't remember saying it at all 

I am sure this is typical but is this what movement through the tunnel looks like? I can't really say that it is progress.

Thanks 

PS BD was 8 months ago

[trusting]

I am sure this is typical but is this what movement through the tunnel looks like? I can't really say that it is progress.

Yes, it is typical.  Movement in MLC is not always forward so we have a hard time thinking of it as "progress."  It is also very common that MLCers have terrible memories.  He likely doesn't remember saying that.  They also cycle a lot at the beginning so may change their minds a lot. 

[Disneyme]

Wow think it's odd him wanting to meet you.  I did meet OW. That was because my H forces my kids to do everything with her, then posted a pic of the 2 of them on FB announcing their relationship I guess.  I went nuts, said that's it, I want to meet her. Made me feel better that she isn't all that. Got to let her know I wasn't ok with any of this, that I do not want a divorce, he has hurt the kids and did walk out on us. Told her this is adultery. Now she can have that all in her head. She wants to continue it knowing all this, than that is on her.

I think he is threaten by something. What that is time will tell.

[Searching4Answers]

I am sure this is typical but is this what movement through the tunnel looks like? I can't really say that it is progress.

Yes, it is typical.  Movement in MLC is not always forward so we have a hard time thinking of it as "progress."  It is also very common that MLCers have terrible memories.  He likely doesn't remember saying that.  They also cycle a lot at the beginning so may change their minds a lot. 

Do you give what they say in times of clarity any weight? I truely believe what H said 'I need one more time before I can settle down'; I understand that it changes but if it is not said during a state of clarity do I disregard it?

At least this gives me more evidence that H is going through MLC and is not a completly selfish a**hole.  I hate questioning it.

[Ready2Transform]

At least this gives me more evidence that H is going through MLC and is not a completly selfish a**hole.  I hate questioning it.

This should be the only purpose it serves.  Believe nothing they say and 50% of what they do. 

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Believe nothing they say and 50% of what they do. 

In reading the articles and the forum, it seems that most of the MLCer's project onto their spouse that they are unhappy with them, they are the problem, etc; mine does not do this and it confuses the crap out of me. I am only 8 months since BD and realize that this can change. Does anyone have any insight as to why H is not saying that he is unhappy with me, etc.?

[LoveMeMyself]

Searching4Answers,

I am approaching 4 years into this stuff.  At first my exH cried profusely in front of me and told me he was so unhappy and he felt like he needed to leave.  We talked and we cried a lot......that was in Oct. 2009......he walked out the door in Dec. 2009 while I was out of town never to return.....he didn't blame me at first.......I can't tell you exactly when he started blaming me but my exH was like a bouncing rubber ball.........he cried, he withdrew, he shutdown, he spewed monster.....I never knew what to expect.  He was just all over the place.....it was insane.  Then later things started falling into a pattern and he stayed one way or the other for a little while.  He did blame me and my children/family (from another marriage).......then he went back to telling me it was all him......I wasn't at fault.  So, for the first year.........this is how it went for me.  I felt like I was losing my mind.  I don't know why my exH went from one extreme to the next in what seemed like warp speed but eventually things began to "settle" or turn into a normal MLC..........if there is such a thing.  I hope this helps.

[I believe in angels]

Hi I have just put posts on today and wondered what anyone else would do.  I do think it is h and possibly ow trying to get a response out of me because I have gone very dim with my contact.  Can others have a look and give some advice, not sure what to do either say something or not. x

[Slow Fade]

Ok I'm being needy and need to go back to LBS 101 with Limitless!

We have a lot of sheriff's officers bring papers or use our facilities to meet and serve people with papers....why do I jump every time they come in and how can I stop?

Also H just texted and asked when myself and my Mom, (no mention of S10) are going to be gone.....he said he didn't remember the exact dates....why do I think he's planning something nefarious, serving papers, emptying out the house.......while we are gone?

How do I maintain my equilibrium?

[calamity]

That's easy SF.  Detach, detach, detach.

This is easy for me to say--do not pre-worry!  You say the sheriff is often in there so why stress yourself out for something that may never happen, may happen & go no further, may happen & etc etc.  Someone said, procrastinate worry.  Oh yeah it was Robert Bateman--he said he had a cancer scare & he decided he could put off worrying until another day.

Of course my heart rate goes up & I feel that pit in my stomach every time I see an email...don't do as I do, do as I tell you.