[PatienceGalore]

I have come to the same conclusion. I am no longer angry and I look upon him as a sick man, and therefore it is unjust to be harsh as he is not behaving as he should normally, so I am modifying how I am in accordance.
Reading these stories is uplifting and makes me even more determined to stay where I am...

[SSG]

I am so confused. Unconditional love like what. I don't even speak to h. Then I hear men say they realized when they knew they had lost the wife. I guess from NC and detachment. I feel like I had tried everything, maybe at wrong times who knows. right now I feel hurt but really don't feel the wanting him back. I am thinking moving on looks good don't know how I can get over any of this not that he ever asked. Posting newest update on my thread.

Disneyme...my husband has also never said anything I would like to hear, or that he is sorry, or that he is not happy....nothing.  But I know everytime I see him he is miserable and I know the man that walks into this house is not the man I fell in love with and married .  It is very hard at times, to be strong and think one day he will wake up and say 'I missed you and want to come back'.  I have not read your story so don't know how long your H has been gone.  But I have read enough on this forum to know that it can take quite awhile and we must learn to put them 'aside' for the time being and get on with our lives. 
Easier said than done...but we must.  And we all hope our H's and W's will return to us when they wake up and finish their journey.
Just wanted you to  know you are far from alone in your thoughts.

SSG

[kikki]

I think that the only way you can get over any of this is to forgive and let go of the anger.  For me I have been very conscious that this isn't the person I knew and I really don't need to punish him he is living a nightmare.  All I can do is be aware of my actions, my behaviors and be the best I can be.

I have come to the same conclusion. I am no longer angry and I look upon him as a sick man, and therefore it is unjust to be harsh as he is not behaving as he should normally, so I am modifying how I am in accordance.

FJJ, PatienceGalore and SGG - absolutely.  There is no discounting that our MLCers' behaviours are horrendous and that we have been put through the wringer.  If we are ever going to change how society views a MLC, we need to start with one person at a time.  If we at the coalface can see this for the maladaptive disorder that it is (hopefully 'temporary' and all the while protecting ourselves and our children), then that will be the catalyst for change.

[OldPilot]

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5763.0

   Her parent never divorced, but her Dad was with the OW for 14 years.
 14 years! 

Is that too long?

Best to make the best use of all that TIME!

[Anjae]

Way too long. Use our time the best we can and, for those of us without kids and who may want them, make sure we have divorced the MLCer.

I would have no idea what to do with someone I had not been close to in 14 years, unless I would be still the old me and the MLCer was the old them.

[confused_but_trying]

Amazing, and I can understand her reluctance.

[LaughLoveLive]

Wow 14 years!!
I too understand her reluctance. I suppose after that long it is like any new relationship but with the shared bond of a family and a previous life together.
I liked hearing this story today, thanks for sharing limitless

[LearningIamOk]

Interesting story, L. The weirdness of the world never ceases to amaze me. I don't know what I would do after all that time. I would not be the same person after all that time. I would hope that my xH wouldn't be either. I have no interest in him as he is.

[Anjae]

This is the thread for us to debate the stories that are posted on the return stories cont, sticky thread.

I too understand her reluctance. I suppose after that long it is like any new relationship but with the shared bond of a family and a previous life together.

Most likely. Or maybe not. Not certain exactly how it would be. But for me the fact that there has been a previous life together, that was cut for so many years, would not be very appealing.

Why to leat this person back into my life after over a decade? Certainly the way the two people have develop was very different and it would be difficult to remain on the same pace.

I accept that if there is children from the marriage things are a little different if they are not.

It is already super complicated for me to imagine a place for Mr J in my life, and it has "only" been 8 years and a month, let alone 14 years.

[Neo]

For many people outside of the MLC world, 1-2 years is too long, let alone 14 years. It is all a matter of perspective. All I know is this, there are no absolutes in this life. Many people say that if someone cheated on them, they would dump them in a second. Well, we have that going on in our situations and many of us haven't, the reason is, you never know what you will do, until you are faced with that dilemma. We can conjecture all we want to, but it is only when reality steps in, do we have to make that difficult decision.