[Snowdrop]

Some adults embark on a transition. They define new goals, look for new partners, form new families, engage in new hobbies, change vocation and avocation alike, or relocate. They regenerate and reinvent themselves and the structures of their lives. Others just grow bitter. Unable to face the shambles, they resort to alcoholism, workaholism, emotional absence, abandonment, escapism, degeneration, or a sedentary lifestyle.

This is the kind of sentence I read that throws me off.  Maybe our spouses are doing just that.  This is when I think my H isn't coming home, and not in MLC, he just did the above.

[Disneyme]

Snowdrop I agree. It all goes back to morals. Unfortunately less and less people have them. Those that believe in what God wants, stays for better or worse. It will never be perfect at any time. People change but should do it together .  Just because you get a new hobby (like mine did-poker) does not mean you leave your family and then find a new women to start again with at age 41. If you made mistakes, fix them don't just try again with new people. I feel that he knows exactly his failures as a husband and father, so he has given up  on his oldest, tries too hard to prove he loves his other 2, but has hopes to do things right with OW and maybe have new kids. Sometimes I read things about MLC and it says that people need to go through the transition it never says they should stay with their spouse.  It is pretty sad the world is about moving on, being happy at any expense to others.

[Albatross]

"One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Anytown got up early and went to the local church. Before the service started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, and so on.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had left the church except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Now, this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Hey! Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "I've been married to your sister for 25 years."

[Magnite38]

Snowdrop I agree. It all goes back to morals. Unfortunately less and less people have them. Those that believe in what God wants, stays for better or worse. It will never be perfect at any time. People change but should do it together .  Just because you get a new hobby (like mine did-poker) does not mean you leave your family and then find a new women to start again with at age 41. If you made mistakes, fix them don't just try again with new people. I feel that he knows exactly his failures as a husband and father, so he has given up  on his oldest, tries too hard to prove he loves his other 2, but has hopes to do things right with OW and maybe have new kids. Sometimes I read things about MLC and it says that people need to go through the transition it never says they should stay with their spouse.  It is pretty sad the world is about moving on, being happy at any expense to others.

Exactly Disneyme...

I shake my head because I thought my h was a better man and it so sad to see the reality of who he is.  It goes back to seeking that fantasy life that doesn't exist.  Seeking a high from whatever drug of choice but that wears thin and they will be back to their miserable self.  We don't want this in our lives, we will redefine or lives and become happier people.

[in it]

 

I LOVE the joke Albatross!!

[Searching4Answers]

Snowdrop I agree. It all goes back to morals. Unfortunately less and less people have them. Those that believe in what God wants, stays for better or worse. It will never be perfect at any time. People change but should do it together .  Just because you get a new hobby (like mine did-poker) does not mean you leave your family and then find a new women to start again with at age 41. If you made mistakes, fix them don't just try again with new people. I feel that he knows exactly his failures as a husband and father, so he has given up  on his oldest, tries too hard to prove he loves his other 2, but has hopes to do things right with OW and maybe have new kids. Sometimes I read things about MLC and it says that people need to go through the transition it never says they should stay with their spouse.  It is pretty sad the world is about moving on, being happy at any expense to others.

Exactly Disneyme...

I shake my head because I thought my h was a better man and it so sad to see the reality of who he is.  It goes back to seeking that fantasy life that doesn't exist.  Seeking a high from whatever drug of choice but that wears thin and they will be back to their miserable self.  We don't want this in our lives, we will redefine or lives and become happier people.

Well said Magnite38  This has been me recently; I just feel so much disappointment with my H.

[Lovebystanding]

31andcounting,Disney me,Snowdrop,searching4answers,Magnite38,Init,Albatross,Annstacy
thanks for your comments


It is all about morals .... but it cud be that when men withdraw from their wives sexually, we often think of infidelity, when in actuality, depression may be to blame....from what i have read on depression....see my blog topic.  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3987.0;all
That does'nt change the fact that what they are doing is wrong and is against the vows they took.

In the case of true narcissism their whole life is crisis.
During MLC the MLcer exhibits narcissistic traits.
Not everyone hindered by narcissistic traits has a personality disorder.
Not everyone with a narcissistic personality disorder is a psychopath.
You can't know for sure, just how entrenched someone's narcissism might be.

If someone has a personality disorder, they'll undoubtedly become hostile (a defense against shame) to any suggestion they might be the cause of their own chaos. That they need treatment. That something is wrong with them.

"Narcissism springs from an opposite relationship with the self: not self-involvement, but a disconnection with oneself...A diagnosis of narcissism is not a black-and-white matter; rather, it's a matter of degree." ....narcissism as a disconnection from the self .....meaning it is a relational disorder with one's self (intra-personal). This internal disconnect leads to relational problems outside one's self (inter-personal) resulting in stormy, even mutually destructive relationships.

Only when other people complain about the narcissist's one-sided self-preoccupied focus, do most narcissists question whether something might be amiss. Depending on the value narcissists place on those complainingrelationships, they may want to change. Even when narcissists want to change their self-preoccupation, they must preoccupy themselves with themselves in order to do it

 The lack of genuine interest in, and empathy for others, is isolating. Narcissism disconnects us from our real self when perfection is the criteria for self-acceptance; and narcissism disconnects from imperfect others. People with narcissistic personalities profess a desire for love and intimacy but fear rejection and thus devalue intimacy and vulnerability as weaknesses. They tear love down.

The emotional and psychological costs to other people when they are discarded by narcissists is enormous and should never be justified. Human beings are not stepping stones to another person's search for authenticity.

Why learn about narcissism if we can't share what we've learned with the narcissist?

The point in learning about the narcissistic personality is understanding. We learn about narcissism to end the confusion, to stop the blame that ensues when we can't make sense of their behavior. If we make assumptions about the other person based on our values and beliefs, we'll misinterpret theirseemingly nonsensical responses and reactions. Then we will react, escalating a comedy of errors. Like assuming a narcissistic person cares as much about being "nice" as we do. Telling someone with a narcissistic personality that they are NOT nice, won't result in an apology for hurting everyone's feelings. Saying they are NOT nice, might be a compliment if they value dominance as most narcissists do. "You're not nice!" won't be a deterrent. People who treasure relationships value being nice.

[in it]

The emotional and psychological costs to other people when they are discarded by narcissists is enormous and should never be justified. Human beings are not stepping stones to another person's search for authenticity

This is what happened to me..discarded, thrown away, dismissed, cast out, another attempt at humiliation, another thing he fears.

Not sure what the justification is for him. But I figured out how to deal with him. He wanted to play more games.

I had to find something that scared the $h!te right out of him. Then you have to have the guts to go through with it if the boundaries get challenged. And I do believe me.

[in it]

http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/tag/terror-of-narcissistic-abused-spouse/

The ex went so far as to say in regards to property taxes (we aren't talking about relationships or fantasy lives or anything like that). We are talking about MONEY he needs to have in order to pay PROPERTY TAXES.

I explained to him with NO money coming in eventually he WILL LOSE THE HOUSE if he doesn't have enough money to pay the taxes.

HIS RESPONSE?

Shaking his head looking at me replies

 " Oh they'd never do that to me"

 

[in it]

I don't have a mouse to copy and paste this....LONG STORY...but if someone does could they please paste it to Devils Angels thread. She may find it helpful.
Thank you