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Author Topic: MLC Monster Helping Children Cope, Emotional Detachment, Self Healing & other informati

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MLC Monster Re: Saving MONEY....and other ideas for the upcoming Holidays etc...
#40: October 29, 2013, 12:43:56 PM
Great idea, Init.  I will be back, but until then, and not about saving money, but if anyone looking for suggestions about how to deal with a "first" this or that after BD, I would say that for us, Christmas was just as great for us as we had our "own" version, which was similar to those had with H when he was here, but in some ways, different.  We went out and bought new mini trees and new cheap little ornaments.  We didn't get the usual big box of tree ornaments out, just kept with the new ones.  It was so great, and quite refreshing.  The kids also put one in their rooms as well as lights, which was fab. 

My suggestion would be do not dwell on what was, or look for things to remember or wish were there, just make a new version, and enjoy it just as much.  It can be so much fun, and in fact, even better.  Doesn't mean we don't remember, it just means enjoy what we have, and make it positive.  So easy to sit and dwell, but if you do, the day has gone and that's it over.

I will be back........but next time with money saving ideas. ;)
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Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Albert Einstein
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co-dependency
#41: November 06, 2013, 02:26:36 AM
http://www.loveisrespect.org/dating-basics/healthy-relationships/healthy-relationships-quiz?gclid=CNDRuNn3z7oCFQpnOgodqy4A4g

Start here..take this test both ways. Think about BEFORE this MLC behavior started and now.
PLEASE educate yourselves in regards to this type of behavior. Any insight, websites, or other stories are welcome.

We are all wounded and need to heal.
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:33:01 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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co-dependency
#42: November 06, 2013, 03:41:47 PM
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:33:25 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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co-dependency
#43: November 07, 2013, 02:08:49 AM
I'm currently re-reading Codependency No More. I have a lifelong habit of CD, so just re-reading to make sure I've got this down pat. I know H has a big CD problem too, but it's up to him to sort it or not. (see how non CD I am!!   :D)

Prior to bday, H was very moody, had been for a few years. Would never tell me why. Just suddenly a dark cloud descended and nothing I could do about it. Of course it's not my job to do anything about his moods! Yep I always tried to help him, fix him etc.

I also walked on eggshells, so I guess I have a score of ten for pre bday. So much for my idea we had a great marriage! (yes I actually thought that at bday)

I don't think I knew what a good marriage was! He was pretty good at the caring/listening/supportive bit but his moods were ferocious. And so was his drinking. I always worried he would leave one day. Then it happened! Handed me pain, enormous pain, but also a huge opportunity for growth.

Learning about and helping from codependency has been huge for me.
Good job posting this up init!
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:33:44 PM by Anjae »
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co-dependency
#44: November 07, 2013, 02:19:58 AM
Thanks Sunny-

Alcohol is a huge factor in this "labeling" so to say but doesn't have to be.

I found the word interdependent interesting. That's how a HEALTHY relationship works.

 I always thought everybody was at least a little codependent in a relationship.

I am (was whatever) an adult child of an alcoholic and that lends itself BIG TIME to having codependency issues.

TRUST is imperative to me and I had enough drama and games to last me the rest of my life as a child. I'm not doing that again I know that for sure!
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:34:18 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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steps to being happy
#45: November 07, 2013, 05:11:52 PM
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:35:03 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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steps to being happy
#46: November 08, 2013, 12:19:49 PM
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:35:34 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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steps to being happy
#47: November 08, 2013, 03:29:13 PM
http://www.wikihow.com/Stay-Content

IMHO this goes hand in hand with being happy
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:35:57 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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Re: Saving MONEY....and other ideas for the upcoming Holidays etc...
#48: November 08, 2013, 06:44:01 PM
I always tried to write a letter at Christmas time instead of sending a gift. A HAND WRITTEN letter.

This year my list is very long do to all my friends that helped me when I ended up homeless due to the second BD in April.

I don't know how I will express how grateful I am to them. But it will take me a while to write them...there will be many.

I always try to make something homemade. My friends S10 helped me paint and move things over the summer and I saved something he did that he won't expect and am making it into a card to go with a small gift. I am really looking forward to giving it to him.

I've helped a friend can apple pie filling and apple sauce. I made Christmas wish bundles for fireplaces, Acorn Santa ornaments, and a few will get Rosemary dream pillow made with herbs from the garden I grew this summer. Infused oils from herbs are an easy thing to make great for cooking.

 Have the kids get involved and make gift wrap from brown paper bags..some paints or Crayons and let them trace shapes using cookie cutters and color them in. Kid art has GOT to be the best!

 Stickers from the dollar store will work also.

If you have someone who feeds birds scour around now and find pine cones.

Get a great big jar of the cheapest peanut butter you can find and a bag of birdseed. Spread the peanut butter on the cone and roll it in the birdseed. A simple wrap of waxed paper around a few and then place inside a decorated brown lunch bag is a gift any birdwatcher would love.

Keep the kids busy with projects and the joys and memories you make this year will last forever.

Be present....
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 12171
  • Gender: Female
co-dependency
#49: November 08, 2013, 07:08:56 PM
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:37:21 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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