[stayed]

((((((((((((big hug Glimmer))))))))))))))), I for one am PROUD of you.... you are an incredible ROLE model. 

As always, your h has his own ISSUES to sort out.  Let him think whatever he likes....

hugs Stayed

[eternity]

Hi,
I have a question for Stayed's H.
Reading this letter  was a revelation 
I am just wondering. My H. told me few days ago that he knows he ruined his future.
As H is feeling OK where he is right now (so it seems), I am just wondering whether he has given up? H Sees no way back and will make the best of his new life?
Did you ever feel the same way?
TX

[stayed]

As H is feeling OK where he is right now (so it seems), I am just wondering whether he has given up? H Sees no way back and will make the best of his new life?
Did you ever feel the same way?

Husband is not here at the moment, but we have discussed this in depth.  Yes, he felt there was no way back.  Especially, after his final "debacle"!  He considered that a MISSED opportunity and felt he had done SO MUCH DAMAGE, there was just no way we could overcome the DAMGE done. 

After his final "mess", he completely resigned himself to a life with OW.  Felt it was all he had left.  Plus, OW ended her trip at home (Texas) and came rushing back to Luxembourg, in an attempt to talk him out of leaving her and returning to me.  He felt her actions showed him "true love", beyond the call of duty $hit, so felt he OWED it to her, to stay.  He felt NOBODY had ever put him so much BEFORE themselves, like that action did... arghhhhhhhhhhhh  , the minds of an MLCer are very rattled! 

hugs Stayed...

[rememberer]

Hi Stayed,

Just wondering what made your husband change his mind at that point?

[LettingGo]

I suspect that is what will happen with my husband... he has been riding the fence and not letting go of OW all the way and I've had enough. I have emotionally divorced him, just like he did me (except not really on my part) and told him he has used up all of his chances.... that he had EVERY chance in the world... that I've held the door open for him until the hinges fell off.... that I was tired of hearing his excuses and justifications.... that every time I present him with the TRUTH that OW is still in the background, not matter how much or how little, he tells me "I can get rid of her... I know what I have to do". Well, how many years am I supposed to give him to get rid of her? I'm done. He is panicked and feeling sorry for himself. He will blame me for not "giving us a chance" yada, yada, but I KNOW THE TRUTH!!

I also know that he may latch onto OW again, even though he says it's not what he wants.... he doesn't have anywhere else to go and I pointed out that he HAD a home, but because he continues to cheat on me, he's OUT.... HIS CHOICE and NOT MY PROBLEM! I also know that until he is ready to get off of his pity POTTY and quit blaming ME and everyone else for his crap life, that I don't want him back. He is full of resentment and wallowing in fear and weakness. As long as he is WEAK, he will fall in every way.... he'll just continue on with his behaviors that, incidentally, I've seen THROUGHOUT our marriage! His "issues" have taken over his life... he is one dimensional now. The BAD outweighs the good at this point.

Do not FEAR that your husband will feel there is no way back... he knows how to get there. You have shown him over and over....

[stayed]

Just wondering what made your husband change his mind at that point?

Hi Rememberer, long time no see, wondered where you went! 

I think LettingGo answered that question pretty well.

Do not FEAR that your husband will feel there is no way back... he knows how to get there. You have shown him over and over....

I personally think the piddling around with, "I've done so much damage it can not be repaired" is just more MLC nonsense... I think LettingGo hit the nail on the head directly.  I think they dilly dally about UNTIL they realize we truly are DONE... that we have picked up our toys and taken them home.  That we are not going to play with them any more... at least... NOT BY THEIR RULES!

HUGS Stayed

[Rebel Yell]

I think this is where I fall short. W is such a clinging boomerang that if I'm not on my Yahoo chat
every weekday she will email or call to see why.
Stops at the house everyday. Calls everyday. Makes if tough to distance.
I'm guilty of being on a short tether and I know I have to fix it.

[eternity]

Hi stayed,

I love your espression
That we are not going to play with them any more... at least... NOT BY THEIR RULES!
 

[stayed]

Seriously Rebel, why would she change, she has you eating her out of her hand.  Probably never had such UNDIVIDED attention from you... I'd say, that's a big, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

We all have our limits! 

hugs Stayed

[Chrysalis]

This really helps so much to see that there are so many similarities between our situations.  (Not that I'm glad we are in them for one minute!).

Like Stayed and Eternity, I ended up doing pretty much everything - otherwise it wouldn't have got done.  My partner and I were both working in pretty much the same job but he did very little apart from the driving.  This was always his trump card as I hate driving.  However, he'd have had to get to and from work anyway so he might as well have given me a lift!

Around the time of BD, my mother was very ill and I was really worried about her.  She is very elderly and disabled due to a stroke but is still managing to stay in her own home.  I go in to see her every day as she lives near my work and my partner used to come for lunch as well.  Latterly, when she was really unwell, I was having to stay over and I really just needed his support.  I had looked after him through a number of illnesses in recent years and I felt it was time for a bit of support back.  What I got was BD!

As Eternity says, the OW is both financially and emotionally dependent.  (Apparently she is even worse at admin than he is, which is saying something!)