[lawprofessor]

Yes he has embellished his career history sadly.  Suddenly he has become one of those who was deployed everywhere there was danger. Sometimes he apparently managed to be in two dangerous locations at the same time virtually. 

Mine said word for word what yours did-that I never put myself on the line so I didn't deserve any of his retirement.   He portrays himself as this under appreciated hero who never received praise or appreciation.  He likens himself to the John Lennon song about working class hero's which is about as far from the truth as he could get being that he has never been working class anything, nor has he struggled to survive.  For heaven's sake he is a doctor whose mother hired someone to specially do his laundry for him. 

Yes, mine too cannot see the value in his real service.  Instead he tries to make his service sexier than any war movie.  He so greatly wishes he were a tv style hero.  That is what his young girl believes, that he is a hero abused and taken advantage of by the world.  It's why he had to trade me in-he couldn't pretend to be a knight in shining armour when I knew the truth, that he is just a man.

I'm familiar with the gaudy belt buckles as well! I purchased the one mine was sure he needed when he came home.  The trip to France was not enough.  My sin at one time was that I failed to read his mind and know that the buckle could have saved my marriage at one time but when I got it for him it was too little too late.

At the time he was lucky I didn't fasten it around his neck while holding up his pants! 

[lawprofessor]

Welcome to the club 3!

You're never alone here!

[ruggedendurance]

I have no idea what it is like to be married to a person from the military.

I do know that my s28 was in Ramadi at the same time Chris Kyle was there.    He did get involved with combat......

However......  Even combat isn't enough when you are in the military.    Because.   Somebody has seen more...... somebody has been a bigger hero.........

He went into the Army at 18 and by 19 he was in Ramadi...     He isn't anywhere near the same person.    Depression.   Heavy.    Unhappy.

Talks violence but.........  he hasn't followed through on any of it..

Tries to have fun and be carefree, he just can't pull it off anymore.

I don't know if the military leads to violence.   PTSD, depression, inability to interact?    Definitely

[ruggedendurance]

I forgot to add.

His M went into MLC at the same time.

Coincidence?

[Medusa]

Law, this is absolutely fascinating! I don't know how my much mine has embellished, but I wouldn't be shocked to some day find out that instead of guiding Operation Anaconda from Bahrain, he was boots on the ground. And who knows what else. Now I really, really want to know!

Mine is working class and has said that he doesn't deserve all the good things he has now. He travels the world for his job. But he certainly didn't have to struggle when he was young. Until the day he moved out, his mother had a hot breakfast waiting for him on the table every morning.

Ohh the belt buckle. It could have saved my marriage, too. If only I had known and been a mind reader. At least I fixed that particular screw-up so he can't hold it against me!

I suspect for both of ours, they have big-time hero complexes, which is where OW works her way in. OW is only a few years younger than me, but she sounded pretty messed up, and  I have little doubt he has lied through his teeth to her about--everything.

Yours is moved out, correct? Assuming so, did he abandon his love-me wall? The Mamaluke is still hanging on my wall...

3, welcome to the newest club. How much of this is ringing true for you?

[huntergirl]

Please so not think that domestic homicide is an isolated event. It is not. I see it firsthand every single day in my line of work. Domestic homicide happens every day and not every case is spread across the news channel. There are rarely signs or "strange" behavior leading up to such brutality. I have see cases where the perpetrator was enjoyed a nice lunch with his family and didn't have a care in the world, to killing his wife and their children and hauling them around in the trunk of his car before killing himself. I have also seen cases in which a small trivial word, or gesture was the cause of a man or a woman "snapping". We are never able to predict abnormal criminal behavior accurately. Please don't assume it cannot happen to you or it doesn't happen...it does. and it can happen to you. Please remember that his loss of control is a cognitive trigger that often leads to criminal thinking....such as " if I can;t have her...nobody will...or "if I can't see my kids everyday...nobody will"....or " we can all be together if we dies together"....believe me..it happens all the time..please be safe and protect yourself and your children. We can never be sure of how a chemically or emotionally unbalanced human being can behave. We never know what the final straw could be or when the glue comes loose...have a safety plan in place....please be safe and aware. I cringed when I read this. I see domestic homicide up close every single day....it happens. It is real. Don't take any chances...not even one. It's not worth the risk.

[Anjae]

... he said things like: I throw you out of the house, I m gonna hit your pa, a.s.o.
This was all in the beginning of MLC, times of anger at everyone.

Mr J did the same at the beginning of MLC. And Tristana's husband is also showing some super anger, taking off the internet modem, etc.

My H doesn't remember he did does agressive, violent things in the beginning, also not the verbal agressive things. How come? Is that true? He thinks It is in my mind...

It is true. They do not remember. Mr J has no recollection of the things he did or said. And he did some real nasty ones. The only thing he said when, once, I told him what he have done and said was "I don't remember it, but it you say I did it, I believe you. Their minds forget.

Like you I live in Europe, so weapons are allowed. But a very angry man does not need a gun. His hands, things that can be found in the house, tools, anything will do.

M3G, you don't need to live in fear, but you need to be very careful and to protect yourself and the kids.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

This has been a really scary time. I'm not sure what he's going to do. Rugged did tell me to make sure he doesn't feel like he's lost me forever. This whole MLC experience has fundamentally changed me and my kids. My kids and I have learned what real strength is.

He told the kids before he left: I wish things had been different, I wanted the whole family to move together, but your Mom wanted something different.

He blames me still. My MD could tell that he regretted what was happening. He just can't seem to look at himself and his part in this. I think that he may have hit rock bottom, but this is new territory. I just hope that he's starting to think now. But, he's a jarhead, and Marines are notorious for being stubborn and prideful.

I did tell him that when he hit rock bottom ( this was before the hearing ) that I would be there for him, and that I wouldn't kick him when he was down. I don't know if that will make a difference, but one can always hope.

[ruggedendurance]

M3G,

The reason I said that is because he may feel he is out of options.........

If he thinks he has done something that can never be fixed.......  He may get desperate.

The worst thing anyone can do is something that cannot be fixed.   It puts a finality to it in their brain.

You have the right approach to this.   You've done everything perfect to this point. 

All MLCer's will paint themselves into a corner.     Let him know that he can walk on the wet paint.

Let him have an out to all of this.

It is a fine line.   You cannot patronize him....... and still allow him to fix what he has done.

This is JMO but........ it is a strong opinion

[ruggedendurance]

M3G,

The reason I said that is because he may feel he is out of options.........

If he thinks he has done something that can never be fixed.......  He may get desperate.

The worst thing anyone can do is something that cannot be fixed.   It puts a finality to it in their brain.

You have the right approach to this.   You've done everything perfect to this point. 

All MLCer's will paint themselves into a corner.     Let him know that he can walk on the wet paint.

Let him have an out to all of this.

It is a fine line.   You cannot patronize him....... and still allow him to fix what he has done.

This is JMO but........ it is a strong opinion

That line was confusing to me.   I liked the rest of it