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Author Topic: Discussion Reconciliation: If You Stand, Will Your MLCer Return? II

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Discussion Re: Reconciliation: If You Stand, Will Your MLCer Return? II
#80: November 04, 2016, 07:10:37 AM
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nah

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Re: Reconciliation: If You Stand, Will Your MLCer Return? II
#81: November 04, 2016, 07:24:21 AM
Yes, very good stuff.

I appreciated RCRs responses and even though I still don't agree with the quote "odds go down with time", I understand why she wrote it.  Thank you RCR for responding.

We now have 4000 people on this forum.  Let's face it, MLC is a crazy beast that can come in all shapes and sizes, let's also factor in the different personalities of all the LBSers.  There is absolutely no way to please everyone. 

For me now, it's not about the odds, for me now.  I was just going back in time and I know without a shadow of a doubt if I thought the clock was ticking instead of my friend I would have made different choices.  So for me, I would have been even more self destructive.  Anyone who has drifted onto my thread knows that I was a hot mess for a long time.  Can you believe I was holding back?  I was.  :o  I was holding back b/c of advise from this forum.  That would have been my response, but others have said they wouldn't have appreciated the "bait and switch"... hey I get that, and it's a good point.  Again, how do we please everyone?   

I always knew I wasn't a "typical stander".  One could easily accuse me as being a big factor to some of the changes that many don't like, especially talking about dating.  Also, because I don't hold back most know about a particular thread of mine that grew hostile.  Yet, I'm still here.  Why?

In the real world my best friend, the person I trusted more than anyone else in the world threw me into an icy cold ocean and left me there.  I reached out to my sister in law, she threw me a boulder, the rest of my in-laws joined in, my daughter, same thing.  Some people with good intentions tried to help but didn't get it.  We all know these people, "well, divorce happens", "he must have always cheated", "why are you still crying over a cheat?" "are you going to have a divorce party?" etc....

This was the only place where I could come and people understood what I was talking about.  This forum is the only place I can say, "my husband use to be a good man, now he is a liar and a cheat and he points his finger at me".  Then a dozen people will respond, "yep.  mine did that too."

Hey I'm not crazy.  He is.

So yes, it's easy for someone like me, just a crazy hot mess with a broken heart, to pick apart each article and responses from others when I don't agree BUT...

I will always be grateful that I found this forum and (most..) of the people who put up with my nonsense on a daily basis.  As we often say on here, if you don't like my stuff, then don't read it and move on.  :) 
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Re: Reconciliation: If You Stand, Will Your MLCer Return? II
#82: November 04, 2016, 07:32:28 AM
I couldn't agree more.  If I don't like a thread I just stay away from it.   :)
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Re: Reconciliation: If You Stand, Will Your MLCer Return? II
#83: November 04, 2016, 05:36:08 PM
Quote from: UrsaMajor on November 04, 2016, 03:22:57 AM
LBS's (we should also think about finding a better term for this as being left behind infers that we stay where we are/were) ...

Oh, I have been sounding a bit like a broken record at times when I start with "the LBS is soon the ahead spouse".  ::) I believe it. Longer it may take us, we become the ahead spouse.

Not sure if we ever debated the mattter, but if we had, it was probably decided to stick to LBS because it is a term people are already familiar with.

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nah

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Re: Reconciliation: If You Stand, Will Your MLCer Return? II
#84: November 04, 2016, 05:52:57 PM
Someone used the term "newly released spouse".

I like that one.  :D
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Re: Reconciliation: If You Stand, Will Your MLCer Return? II
#85: November 04, 2016, 06:05:03 PM
Not bad, but I think it is not something people at BD would want to hear or feel OK with. And standers may also not feel cool wiyth it.

the ahead spouse does not seem that bad to me. However, having one term for BD and the times after BD and another for those down the road may be compicating things too much.

We all know the LBS ends up no being the left behind spouse at all.  :)

Quote from: nah on November 04, 2016, 07:24:21 AM
There is absolutely no way to please everyone. 

There really isn't. At least not everyone a, every single time.

Quote from: nah on November 04, 2016, 07:24:21 AM
Again, how do we please everyone?   

When it comes to info (articles, blog posts, etc) having balance and present the several realities, as well as what MLC is I think it is more a case of having the info available than please people.

On story threads, it is possible to taylor advice to each particular case, because we are all different and dealing with different situations.

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« Last Edit: November 04, 2016, 06:14:41 PM by Anjae »
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Re: Reconciliation: If You Stand, Will Your MLCer Return? II
#86: November 04, 2016, 06:33:24 PM
My old forum kept the LBS thing pretty simple.  We called ourselves betrayed spouse (BS) and we called our cheating spouse, the wayward spouse (WS).  Kept things pretty simple actually, lol, not very flattering I am thinking, but certainly precise.

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Re: Reconciliation: If You Stand, Will Your MLCer Return? II
#87: November 04, 2016, 07:47:54 PM
If we do our mirror work and such, we are eventually the LBS (Left Better Spouse  8)  ).

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Re: Reconciliation: If You Stand, Will Your MLCer Return? II
#88: November 04, 2016, 08:08:40 PM
Quote from: Phoenix on November 04, 2016, 07:47:54 PM
If we do our mirror work and such, we are eventually the LBS (Left Better Spouse  8)  ).

Perfect!  :)
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Re: Reconciliation: If You Stand, Will Your MLCer Return? II
#89: November 04, 2016, 08:26:39 PM
Quote from: Phoenix on November 04, 2016, 07:47:54 PM
If we do our mirror work and such, we are eventually the LBS (Left Better Spouse  8)  ).

Phoenix

Love this!   :)
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