[limitless]

WGH - Thanks so much for posting that link.

Although I know it is not likely in many situations, including mine, this shows that there can be hope, even if it means it's going to be 7 years later.

I agree with Thundarr in many respects.  There will be some point in time that the LBSer will stop standing...  7 years seems like an extremely long time to stand.  I know many on the board who are multiple year standers, and I applaud you.  I am not.   Unless your intention is to remain single, it would seem that you are giving up 7 precious years of your life. 

Having been divorced for 2 weeks now, I feel the anger that the husband in the video felt.  In the video, it seemed like the wife wanted to get back together pretty quickly after the divorce, but the husband was the one who could not forgive.  I may not be able to if my W came back today too.  In that respect, I will not call myself a stander.

I just think it's not as simple as - oops, I made a mistake, let me write a letter, and make it all ok.

Hobo,

Sorry to hear about the finalization of the divorce.

I used to think that being single was giving up precious time in my life.

I guess I look at it differently...and don't see being with a man (my husband or someone else) as what will complete me.  I used to look at it in that way.

Do I miss the companionship?  Yes.  I do.  But, it's not so simple to replace...but I think you already know that.

Just take it a day at a time...that's all we can do.

L

[trusting]

Standing for seven years is a long, long time.  I am not sure that I could do it either, but then three years ago I never would have thought I could make it this long and here I still am . . .

MLC is a different animal. The fact is that if they are in MLC, most likely it is temporary.  I have that hope.  Yes, it is a loooooooooong process, but most likely a temporary one.  I know what my husband was like as a father and a husband pre-MLC.  He is not that man now, but I have the hope that he will be again.  Speaking personally, he will be the best father my kids can have if he returns to anything like he was before, in large part because he IS their dad and no one else could love them the same way.  And he was a great dad. 

Yes, as a mom it upsets me greatly that my kids are being treated this way by their dad.  Yes, I am crazy lonely sometimes and wish things were different.  I am trying to get myself out of the mindset that this is wasted time because it has felt that way to me many, many times.  I have realized that I did rely on my husband for my happiness too much.  I am not an extension of him and I need to be my own person and find my own happiness. 

I also realize that there is a bigger picture here.  My husband has things in him he needs to “fix” on his own. I don’t like what my kids are learning from him right now, but I do hope that they are learning some valuable things from me – how to have faith, how to hope, how to be strong, how to love unconditionally, what commitment means. 

It is up to the individual LBS to decide when they are “done,” (and I don’t know what that point would be for me) but we also need to heal and become whole ourselves.  None of this is easy.  I have no idea what will happen to my marriage at the end of the day, but for now here I am.

[With Hope]

I truly feel like, just as God has led many of us to stand for our marriages...if and when we are to no longer stand, He will also lead us down the path that we are supposed to take.  God does speak, we just have to learn to listen to the right voice.  I know that God does not save everyone...He doesn't.  BUT, I also know that regardless of free will...He CAN change even the hardest of hearts, if He so chooses.  There may be a reason that some of us are led to stand for a time, and not have our marriages restored.  Perhaps it is so God can work in our own lives and bring us closer to Him...then He may release us from our stand, to go on and start a new life.  I like to think that IF we are led to stand, that God WILL restore our marriage though.  I just wish that were always the case, but know that it's not. 

I'm not really putting a time-limit on my stand.  As I stated, I feel like when/if I am released from standing, God will let me know.  I am currently very hopeful that my H will wake up and return and that I will continue my stand for our lifetimes...with H by my side, also standing with me!  Seven years does seem like a long time but if God leads you...and you are continuing to listen to Him...those seven years will be years of joy and hope. 

I'm super-paraphrasing here but it does state in the Bible that God will restore the years that the locusts ate. 

It is an exhausting process though and I am TIRED of this roller coaster.  My faith feels tested daily, and I'm SO very lonely, but I'm trudging along and trying to be hopeful and inspiring to others too.    

[moc]

All - personal opinion I totally agree with Mitzpah and  Loveisntweakness's opinion with I really don't think it happens unless the people find God and their greater purpose in life. and that with Him, I wouldn't be this far (along with you and the fine folks at LT).  But my wife has to find God on her own.  I have no idea where she is when it comes to her relationship with the Lord, and I pray that she has at least started talks with Him.  She grew up Catholic but has never practiced in the 16yr (as of today) we have been married.  Pre-MLC, my wife was a decent mom, a great wife, and a wonderful best friend.  Right now she is the MOTHER of my children and not as much a mommy that they need so much.  She is not a wife per description and no best friend would treat me like this or others.  Agree with trusting, I feel the worst for my babies as they are missing what they truly could have from a good mom and I too am lonely even when she is only 2 feet from me.

Learning you put it so well, I hate it that the kids have to see something like this that seems so abnormal but with my love, they will know what a real parent and spouse is supposed to do. With Hope you are so right that the reason he ALLOWS this to happen is because He knew this is the best way to get US to Him.  We could withstand a car accident, lose a limb, have a bad illness and we might not be as receptive to the Lord.  But, it is through this means that He knows he has us.

Hugs to all that are lonely with me.  This is not a popular move this STANDING.  But we have been called, and we will prevail.

[With Gods Help!]

I stumbled on this article......i found it very interesting especially for those of us with spouses and ourselves whom suffered from FOO issues/abuse...........you after read the whole article to understand it xxxxxxxxxx

 http://www.silentlambs.org/answers/movingforward.htm

[With Gods Help!]

Found this great website on depression...........the posts written below the article asking for advice are very similar to what we are experiencing now .........there's lots of articles all wrote by the man who went through it.........and wants to try help others xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

http://www.storiedmind.com/self-esteem/why-depressed-men-leave-1/http://www.storiedmind.com/self-esteem/why-depressed-men-leave-1/

[Shantilly Lace]

This I can believe, having gone through depression myself and then listening to Dearheart.  It can be uncanny some of the things that pop out of his mouth.

[With Gods Help!]

Hi WH  I believe it too.........A yr and half before BD my h went on to depression meds..........it was only after doing some research the other week that i found a forum relating to the meds my h is on................many people men and woman alike were posting saying that the depression meds turned their husband/wife in to someone they don't recognize.........they all did things most of our spouses are doing on here..many if not most left their family's too..........if anyone's h or w are depression meds........google the name of the meds my h was on fluoxitine..........which comes under Prozac........if you Google did Prozac destroy my marriage ....you will be very surprised at how many people are stating this xxxxxxxxx

[Ready2Transform]

Add another to the list!  I believe my H was starting MLC when he was diagnosed instead as bipolar (which was later re-diagnosed as general anxiety - yeah, those are the same, good job, Doc!).  He was on several SSRI's including Seroquel, Celexa, and Lexapro, and went cold turkey off of them (you CAN'T do that without a drop in dopamine and a spike in seratonin - otherwise known as MLC x 10).  Even though that should have faded by now, hence why I believe MLC was the underlying cause, I can pinpoint that to when Monster started.  It's very dangerous, and needs to be discussed more in the mainstream!

[Mitzpah]

Ready2Transform,

I believe my H was starting MLC when he was diagnosed instead as bipolar (which was later re-diagnosed as general anxiety - yeah, those are the same, good job, Doc!).  He was on several SSRI's including Seroquel, Celexa, and Lexapro, and went cold turkey off of them (you CAN'T do that without a drop in dopamine and a spike in seratonin - otherwise known as MLC x 10).

Almost the same with my h.! 
He was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder in Sept 2010 and started taking Citalopram (he had taken it before for depression in 2005), he went off it cold turkey too in November - December  BD! He went to the psychiatrist later in Dec and she told him he wasn't depressed anymore and that he didn't need it  (this he told me 'triumphantly').
Interesting, very interesting...