[arp1]

Ditto here with ex-W.

I'm sure she had been depressed throughout the period leading up to and after BD. Of course she denied it, would not go to counselling or a doctor, my suggestions of doing so were uncaring, rage, anger, resentment, etc... 

[With Gods Help!]

Hi I found this thought i would post it ............we all need reminders ..........and there's a few newbies asking questions regarding their h/w R with the other person....hope this helps  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


http://positiveprovocations.com/2010/02/13/true-love-or-infatuation-whats-the-difference/

[With Gods Help!]

  .................. theres some others on there too xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


http://feistywoman.net/2011/01/24/keep-him-from-walking-out-that-door/

[With Gods Help!]

http://feistywoman.net/2011/03/28/being-the-other-woman-and-being-the-footstool/

have a look at the garage door and words the wife wrote lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[With Gods Help!]

Mamma this is your h's o/w and mine and many more on here .........poor C-ow ha ha ha xxxxxxxxx

http://feistywoman.net/2011/03/04/why-shes-throwing-herself-at-you/

[Ready2Transform]

HA!  At that garage door.  OW is so lucky she's 2 states away.  At BD#2, I would have had some fantastic artwork ideas! That's a great article, too, I'm going to be enjoying that site for awhile!

[With Gods Help!]

Just another confirmation that his childhood is to blame for how he handles conflict  xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


http://www.lifespanlearn.org/documents/TatkinInfidelity.pdf

[Anjae]

I liked the difference between infidelity and affair/adultery. One of the things that have bothered the most, much more than the in-fatuation and the alienator is the telling of details of our relationship/marriage.

Don’t think MLC has only to do with childhood/development (chemical imbalance play a big part) issues but there are some things in the text that could be applied to my husband. He was never left alone during childhood, was much more suffocated than I was by his family constant presence. If anything he was not allowed space to breath.

However, and unlike in my family that puts emphasis in developing a relashionship, his family puts emphasis on status, money, achievements. And I guess one could say he is doing nothing but avoiding the inevitable.

If it all comes from childhood or part comes from the depression is hard to know.

[kikki]

Really interesting, thank you WGH.
When my H and I were seeing a therapist a few months ago, the therapist suggested (without my H's knowledge), that I read a book on attachment disorders.  He thought my H definitely fitted the bill.
I have to agree, and this is yet further confirmation. 

[CrazyStuff]

WGH, I just wanted to say thank you for finding and posting this article.  It has been a light bulb moment for me .   My h. fits the ambivalent behaviour to a 'T' and I did not have the skills or understanding to deal with him once these deep needs (issues) started to come to the surface.   What this article seems to be saying is that these needs - and also my own - need to be worked through with appropriate counselling which is not couple counselling so that a relationship has any chance of being rebuilt taking into account that many of these needs / issues may not go away.      It fits with us learning that we need to work on our own issues first, that a MLCer comes back broken rather than fixed after going through the 'tunnel' because their issues do not simply go away and that simply leaving things to sort themselves out may end up with the same thing happening again.       I can now also understand why regular counselling either for an individual or a couple cannot work in our situations.    As someone said on another thread - this is not for the fainthearted. 

I have been resistant to counselling after the disastrous post BD counselling sessions my h. & I attended and the five I did on my own.   No wonder they were disastrous - they were never going to get to the root cause of our problems and the sticky plaster approach to getting on with life didn't work for me.    As part of learning to accept what has happened in my life it has been important to me to understand why so that I can both accept what has happened and ensure my future is different.  This article has really helped me so once again many thanks for posting it.

CrazyStuff