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Our Community / Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 15: "Who's the Master? Sho'Nuff!!!"
« Latest by HeavenlyFocus on Today at 09:16:25 PM »
Quote from: Standing Strong on April 29, 2024, 10:45:02 PM
There is no way forward without forgiveness.... and what reason do we have to not forgive? Sure, people hurt us..... things don't work out the way we want or imagine. Life isn't fair..... things we value are lost. Irreplaceable things are broken..... lives are changed without our choice.
But the one thing we do have control and power over, is ourselves..... what we are, how we are, and what we choose to be.
I have pain, and I have lost.... but I will forgive. No matter what: I will forgive. It is my choice, and it is within my power. How disappointing that others, who are either responsible, or have not shared in the pain to my extent are unable to forgive. I do not understand this, except that it is the only choice they are capable of at this time... and that they need patience and understanding if they are to be shown the way.... the right way..... the only way.

How easy it is to harden the heart, to be unworthy, to turn away, and close the eyes. How simple it would be to not feel again, to protect oneself until they are not even alive anymore. How seductive it would be to reject until one was truly and completely alone...... No. Not me. I will not bear hard feelings, mistrust, nor carry with me the ghosts of the past. Today I am alive, and free, and I shine. I forgive, I forgave, and someday I will forget. 

-SS

Hi SS,

Loved your post on forgiveness and 100% agree on the power of forgiveness as working to not let your heart be hardened by the hurt.   I am on the path to forgiveness but still have some internal work to open my heart to others.   

Glad to hear you are doing so well and a new pinball machine every year sounds fun.

HF
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Our Community / 35 pages of stories in 2017, where are all those LBSs now?
« Latest by HeavenlyFocus on Today at 09:07:00 PM »


I have a feeling I am following you 2 years behind. I still think my marriage has a chance to be saved but I am losing some hope over time. While she hasn't pushed forward with anything, she is as confusing and weird as ever. :-\

I still wake up every night at 2-3 am and start  thinking about it all. It's truly a bad nightmare.
[/quote]

Hi Atari25,

I like the quote from Shawshank Redemption "Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies"

I still have hope in my life but it has changed from hoping for my marriage to hoping that my XW finds peace someday.   I have forgiven her and yet have not forgotten what she did to me and my family.   I still deal with confusion and weird actions frequently.   My focus has been on my two girls and my own healing.   Hope you can get some peaceful nights sleep in the future as you will be ok not matter what the outcome with your wife.
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Our Community / We’re not married but I think my partner may be in a MLC??
« Latest by in it on Today at 01:55:39 PM »
It's probably the guilt that makes him hide and avoid.   Don't read too much into it.
However you cannot trust him. If you do not have trust you do not have anything.

 Anyone who would run off into the night like this while supposedly in a committed  relationship  isn't a horse you'd want to bet on.
You sound self sufficient and independent. Focus on you and your own well being. Make sure you sleep, eat well and stay hydrated.
.

 Do you have any friends just of your own? What about family? Support is important.
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Our Community / We’re not married but I think my partner may be in a MLC??
« Latest by Greenacre on Today at 01:09:19 PM »
Quote from: KayDee on Today at 08:59:45 AM
Quote from: Greenacre on Today at 07:51:59 AM
Just seems a distinct impossibility when I hear how completely into each other they are.

Thankyou. Honestly this has been the hardest thing to go through. Especially sharing the same work building and lots of mutual friends/colleagues there. He is a surgeon and in weeks leading up to him leaving me he went from initiating conversations about who we would invite to the wedding to suddenly talking about how he hated his job so much and felt like doing something completely different.

After D Day as I call it, at first he was giving me cold ‘hellos’ but recently (I guess with the appearance of his new play toy) has literally been diving through the nearest doorway or leaving rooms when he sees me. Those actions are kind of in a weird way keeping me filled with a bit of hope because surely if someone was so indifferent or ‘over’ everything they wouldn’t behave like that?

Not hearing about it is part of the Great Comms Black Out that will save your sanity. If friends are telling you, kindly ask them not to. It's also so much better in helping maintain friendships. The MLC drama chaos circus spreads its poison.

If you can find another route each week, even better. If you can't, crank up the car stereo, eyes forward!
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Our Community / We’re not married but I think my partner may be in a MLC??
« Latest by KayDee on Today at 08:59:45 AM »
Quote from: Greenacre on Today at 07:51:59 AM
Just seems a distinct impossibility when I hear how completely into each other they are.

Not hearing about it is part of the Great Comms Black Out that will save your sanity. If friends are telling you, kindly ask them not to. It's also so much better in helping maintain friendships. The MLC drama chaos circus spreads its poison.

If you can find another route each week, even better. If you can't, crank up the car stereo, eyes forward!
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Our Community / J to the B part 3
« Latest by sachertorte on Today at 08:02:53 AM »
Quote from: JohnnyBravo on January 22, 2024, 05:32:43 PM
Last week I started Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. (I'm not sure if I've read it before or not.) For those who haven't read it, the protagonist was kidnapped by an alien race that had mastered time travel. Because of that, they believe that everyone exists simultaneously in every moment of their life. When someone dies or experiences something bad, they don't regard it as bad; it's just an event on a timeline while the same person is experiencing great joy at some other point on their timeline. When something bad happens, they only respond with, "So it goes."

Looking at it from that perspective, even if I'm not thrilled now, JB of 5-6 years ago was very happy and excited for the future, and always will be. JB of two years ago was miserable and always will be (so it goes), but JB of tomorrow may be quite happy.

(Apologies if I offended the literati with that synopsis; I'm an engineer for a reason.)




JB, as a self-anointed literatus (is that the singular?) I wholeheartedly second your synopsis! (Which Vonnegut is it that starts with the Dresden Allies bombing?) I came across the exact same point in the show The Good Place (not very literary of me I know; the audio-visual has Sirened me away from books more than I care to dwell on; exH was insecure about my supposed erudition, being an engineer himself. I wish we could have worked on that.) The thought helped me to no end in living in peace with my loss. My losses coexist with the bliss of all my relationships, and I step aside to bask in the glow cast by the bliss onto that loss.

It's fantastic to see you work with that angle on this radiant idea. Thanks for sharing and cheers.
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Our Community / We’re not married but I think my partner may be in a MLC??
« Latest by Greenacre on Today at 07:51:59 AM »
Quote from: in it on Today at 06:57:20 AM
Ignore him as much as possible. Don't drive passed where he lives. Keep your dignity.  No "pick me" dance.
More than likely this new relationship will crash and burn. We've seen it many times. Work on raising your standards.
No one needs someone who will do this kind of thing. Regardless of how they were in any part of the relationship.
Don't get involved with the drama . Maintain your peace.

Unfortunately couldn’t help the drive by and it wasn’t done on purpose….its literally right on the way to somewhere I need to go once a week. It sounds really horrible (and I hate myself for thinking that way) but I hope she hurts him or behaves so immaturely he gets rid of her. Just seems a distinct impossibility when I hear how completely into each other they are. That said, beyond going out drinking and fancy dinners I’m not sure there will be much depth between them
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Our Community / We’re not married but I think my partner may be in a MLC??
« Latest by WHY on Today at 07:37:01 AM »
Quote from: in it on Today at 06:57:20 AM
More than likely this new relationship will crash and burn.

More than likely?  There is no way this relationship survives....

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Our Community / We’re not married but I think my partner may be in a MLC??
« Latest by in it on Today at 06:57:20 AM »
Ignore him as much as possible. Don't drive passed where he lives. Keep your dignity.  No "pick me" dance.
More than likely this new relationship will crash and burn. We've seen it many times. Work on raising your standards.
No one needs someone who will do this kind of thing. Regardless of how they were in any part of the relationship.
Don't get involved with the drama . Maintain your peace.
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Our Community / We’re not married but I think my partner may be in a MLC??
« Latest by UrsaMajor on Today at 05:23:33 AM »
Quote from: Greenacre on Today at 04:14:20 AM
Thankyou both of you. Part of me wonders if all of this is truly midlife crisis or not but his behaviours at least seem to point that way and they are in the least very definitely avoidant.

You will have as much success wondering what green tastes like by dipping your elbow in it..... We can't tell if it was a MLC or if they have simply gone bat-snot off their rocker until time has past and we can look at it i n hindsight..... In the grand scheme, it doesn't matter much WHAT the cause was as much as what happened and how we recover and live our lives afterwards.

Quote from: Greenacre on Today at 04:14:20 AM
It killed me the other day to drive past our old apartment and see her car in my space. The other oddity is him basically replicating where we used to go and what we used to do.
they do that because it is easy - like KayDee said, it is laziness because it is known to them and comfortable.... Some say they repeat things to erase the memories they have of doing the things with us so they can then justify their actions more easily and don't need to feel guilty..... Others say it is just force of habit and they are too lazy to do something new.

Quote from: Greenacre on Today at 04:14:20 AM
I don’t follow this ‘girl’ on social media but she has been doing some odd things and keeps flipping her profiles from private to public to show the dinner dates - all very childish (obviously) and weird.

Bunny Boiler


Quote from: Greenacre on Today at 04:14:20 AM
So…..how do I respond to this from here? I’m no longer the emotional anxious mess I was, and as I say, whilst I don’t have to work with him directly we do pass each other. Do I mirror his ‘blanking’ of me or try and cordially exchange hellos and strike up some conversation somewhere?
In my opinion, you DON'T respond to it.... Doing the "pick me" dance is not going to do you any good and letting him know that you are still waiting int he wings just gives him a false sense of security. You are NOT a"back up plan."  He needs to feel the loss, the lack, that there is a big something missing form his life and then HE needs to figure out what that is.....

Quote from: Greenacre on Today at 04:14:20 AM
Whilst I’m trying to move forward and do ‘me’ I really do want the guy I knew back and don’t know how best to proceed.
There is the rub. "That guy" is gone.... period.... One does not make the trip to Hades and back and remain unchanged. IF he gets his head out of his ..... fog.... he won't be the same person you knew. He will have changed, hopefully for the better but one never knows before hand. You can leave the door open for him to come back but there is no need to scatter crumbs to lead him back that the birds are going to eat anyway.....
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