Time for an update because there are a few things I wanted to share. The problem is that when I leave it so long, it gets really long. I will try and keep it a little bit brief.
Going back to May, that trip I had planned over Mothers Day was buggered by COVID and H didn’t end up going either. It was probably a good thing because our little dog ended up needing surgery so I would have left him in the care of the kids with a cone on his head and stitches that he could scratch with his paws too. They could have handled it but my little doggie is also a bit anxious and gets a bit sad when I go away. Next time!!
I am not sure if I mentioned that one of the reasons that May could be a bit triggering is because it is ow’s birthday. It also happens to be the same day as SIL’s birthday so it will likely never be forgotten. This year it was SIL’s 50th and she planned a weekend at the river. The river itself is a bit of a trigger for me. Add alcohol and ow’s birthday and I found myself getting a bit anxious in the lead up, losing sleep and crafting conversations with H in my head about the “elephant in the room” etc etc. I ended up deciding that any conversation was really just a way for me to control the situation and let him know I was watching again. I decided to let it go and deal with any consequences rather than try and prevent them.
I was pleased I did because H was aware of the elephant and chose to leave his phone in our camper all weekend. We didn’t discuss it at the time and I wondered if it was intentional. When we got back, I raised it and he told me that he had done that on purpose so that I wouldn’t worry. I can’t tell you how peaceful it was. He was also very loving and attentive and I felt no pull from him in any other direction.
Another conversation of note occurred after H decided to buy himself a ring for his right ring finger. A bit odd since he is really not a blingy person but he said something about it providing balance.
Tell me more. I am not sure that we have really finished with this conversation so I am not sure I am going to make a lot of sense in relaying it so far but at the time, I could only probe so far.
H said that it would balance out the wedding ring and then started talking about how when we were separated, his life was out of balance. I asked him how that looked and he struggled to answer but said that every time he walked out the front door, it felt really wrong. He described being pulled and forced out and I asked him if the forced part was because I asked him to leave. He said no that wasn't it so there was another force in play. I said that I had wondered what would have happened if I hadn't asked him to go but said that I strongly felt that it would have crucified us because I wouldn't have been able to watch what was going to inevitably happen. ow was a close work colleague of his and he wouldn't have been able to easily manage having no contact with her. We talked a bit earlier in this conversation about how determined women can be when they want something and I acknowledged the few times that I genuinely saw him try to fend her off. I also said that if he hadn't had any doubts about us, curiosity about her or something going on with him, he would have been able to do it convincingly. A perplexed look came over his face and it
seemed like he hadn't felt a choice in there at the time. He also said that he is finally starting to feel some solid ground beneath him and some sense of deserving where he is now. He also confessed to being worried that something would mess it up but I said that I thought that was pretty natural.
A couple of weeks ago, there was another complaint to CASA about H drinking at the company hotel in ow's town and then going flying. Similar allegations about depression and alcoholism were included in the letter so CASA contacted H to launch another investigation with CDT blood tests and the like. This time they found a less cooperative H who asked them to explain their lack of investigation into claims that had been so obviously false (given the almost 12 months of contact via various sources). It really helped his case that he hasn't actually been to ow's town in 6 months and the letter must have either given some dates or a timeframe. A few confirmation emails from the company followed and the investigation was closed with a promise by CASA to consider insisting on some identification by any future complainants.
Here's where it gets interesting. H was supposed to be in that town around that time...with me. One of his colleagues told him a week later that she had heard him being paged in the terminal for the flight that they had forgotten to cancel him off. H has since been back to the company to ask who might have access to his calendar or may have been transiting through the terminal at that time. On the same day that the investigation was resolved (which was 2 days after it started) H got the first direct email to him from the stalker fool. It was made to look like a company newsletter which talked about the recent marriage of a ghost of girlfriend past and then went on to tell him that he should leave because "we" (company staffers) all hate you. But they surmised that an alcoholic 50 year would have no where to go. They asked if we all hated him and told him to go firetruck himself.
Well, well, well, haven't we finally spat out our lollipop? It kinda feels like a last gasp. It feels like they knew that the investigation went no where but it literally all got sorted on the same day so it's either coincidental or narrows the field even more? H forwarded that to HR too and pointed out that this person is indicating that they work for the company and that should be cause for concern. That hasn't progressed any further to my knowledge and we have been on 2 weeks leave since but I am sure H will follow it up.
H still thinks it is related to a guy from 2014 or his IT whizz weird friend. Everyone else thinks its female. D21 was checked into her flight in ow's hometown by her sister the other day. She made the connection towards the end of the process and didn't report any vibe in particular. What I didn't realise though, was that she works for the company - not the airport as I had suspected. It's got me wondering if she has access to more info than we realise. I have always wondered if it might be her because apparently she is mentally unwell. She could also know about an incident between H and the afore mentioned ghost of girlfriend past that left ow standing on a street corner late a night waiting for a pretend boyfriend who was out getting drunk with GOGP. All very sordid really. I hope it continues to die.
I did tell H that I was very proud of the way he had handled it all. That he had never retaliated despite massive provocation. In truth, it was a bit of positive reinforcement in the hopes it would promote more of the same. It did - he seemed to need to hear that. Maybe he has even made things easier for other people in the future who have false claims made against them. He has since gotten himself really drunk and almost messaged the guy on Linkedin. Fortunately, he didn't...more gold stars
Geez I swear I would have drowned him if we'd got this far and THEN engaged.
Our trip away was super. We planned a night in a very remote outback town that had been a stop on the outback adventure that I met H on. I was on a 'famil' and he was our pilot. At the time, it was all very professional but the flirtation had low-key started. It was really fun to be back there and reminisce almost 26 years later. It was about 400km of dirt road to get there and we joked about the "rough ride" analogy. He thanked me for hanging on.
And finally, it with great relief that H's shenanigans have not soured the well for D21 who is currently going through an extensive and rigorous process to become a cadet with the airline. She had a phone interview, followed by a WOMBAT test (2.5 computer test that throws the world at you), followed by a panel interview and a simulator test, followed by an interview with the Management Committee and then hopefully she will progress to the last stage which is a "Motivation Letter" to the Singaporean owners. In that, she will basically promise to sell a kidney
.
Bless her heart, she has been working so hard and my house has never heard more plane speak and foreign words before. H and I were away for a part of it so she has really done it on her own. It's a type of process that you can't be helped through because it's so rigorous. Her ground school results as a Flight Attendant still stand as the best ever I think and her reputation since then has only flourished. Everyone just loves working with her and her boss is married to the guy who did the MC interview so hopefully that helps. Fingers crossed everyone!
On a side note, that will put her living in ow's hometown for about 45 weeks and you can bet your bottom dollar that I will be there as much as I can. Running into ow's family would almost be inevitable since it's a fairly small town and I will also probably always be with H, so it's not like I won't know. I think I am prepared for that - it doesn't cause me stress now.
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New chapter please